To My Almost-Adult Kids: Don’t Be Afraid of These Three Words

Dear Almost-Adult Kids,

I know you think I worry too much. You look out into this adult world you are entering and see possibility and adventure. But I look out into the same world and see a myriad of landmines that seek to destroy my children. You dream about independence; I have nightmares about all the things I haven’t taught you yet. Trusting God with your independence is the hardest part of parenting so far. 

I try not to tell you about all my worries. But one fear that I want you to know about? I worry you will be afraid to say these three words:

I need help.

Pride might keep you from saying these words. After all, you’ve worked hard for your independence. You might feel like you’ve had to wrestle it away from us at times. You probably want to prove to the world, to me and Dad, and to yourself that you can think for yourself and make adult decisions. Asking for help could make you feel weak or like you’ve failed. 

Shame might keep you from saying these words. You might realize that you’ve blown it and now you’re in over your head. You might worry that you’ve disappointed us, that we taught you to do the opposite thing and now we’ll say “I told you so.” 

I need to own that. I know there have been times when I’ve been too strict or too overbearing or too micro-managing. I know I haven’t always trusted you when I should have. So I get that you might be reluctant to come to me for help, and that’s partly my fault. 

But, my beloved children, please hear me when I say that one thing I’ve learned the hard way is that asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s actually a sign of strength. I’m not talking about the whiny cry from a kid who doesn’t want to do his chores. I mean the kind that comes with maturity – recognizing your God-designed limits and God-intended interdependence. It’s what true wisdom looks like, and it’s a mark of humility. 

It’s okay to admit that you don’t know everything. It takes incredible strength of character to take responsibility for your mistakes. So when your first instinct is to shift blame, shove your sin under the rug, or blunder blindly through a decision, tell yourself that you do have another choice: You can ask for help.

Your dad and I will always be ready to help. But you’ve also got a whole community of people around you who will do the same: grandparents, youth pastors, teachers, coaches – so many people who love you! Never allow yourself to believe that you are alone in this world. 

And perhaps the main reason this is so important to me is because you will never grow in your relationship with God until you are willing to go to him for help. In fact, I would argue that you won’t really understand what salvation means until you find yourself on your face, desperate for help from God. Pride and shame will try to keep you away from him too. But if you want to find life that is truly life? That starts by asking for help. 

Don’t be afraid; God is with you. 

I love you more than you’ll ever know,

Mom