I Am Not Enough for My Kids

By

On May 14, 2026

In Parenting

I am not enough for my kids

I brought my children home through sheer determination, but it was not enough.

For about ten years, adopting children was my part-time job. During some years in Tanzania, I drove downtown two or three times a week, fighting an hour or more of epic Dar es Salaam traffic each way. The social welfare office was located in a large warehouse-type building divided into cubicles. Birds circled in the rafters above my head while I sat and waited (sometimes for hours) on a hard wooden bench outside my social worker’s office. She shared it with two other people, their three desks crammed so close together that there was barely space for anything else. She kept my files in a plastic grocery bag. 

I never called in advance, because I learned that my social worker would always tell me not to come. So I never called; I just showed up. She was there only about half the time, so I wasted half of those long trips.

Ninety percent of the time, even if she was there, there was no movement on the adoption process. But I took the chance and made the drive again and again because I wanted her to see my face. My strategy was this: to make an overworked, underpaid social worker so sick of me that she eventually did what I asked. It worked. 

The whole process took years. And then it took more years to go through the American immigration process (which was its own special nightmare). But I did it four times, and nothing was going to stop me. There’s a reason why Dobson’s techniques in The Strong-Willed Child failed on me when I was five years old. Determination has always been my strength. I wanted to adopt four children, and I got them.

I took that same determination into parenting.

I was going to be the mother that these children needed. If love and grit could do it, I was going to do it. They would be happy. They would be healthy. They would be motivated and responsible. They would appreciate books and cooking and serving others. They would be trustworthy and kind. They would have a secure identity in being adopted, being both American and Tanzanian, and being Third-Culture Kids. They would love each other, their childhood, and learning new things. 

I had a strategy to accomplish each of these goals. I was determined: I would find a method, a chart, a book, a list, a boundary, a consequence.

But what I discovered is that bringing them home, as challenging as it was, was the easy part. Raising them is much harder. And I’ve slowly, incrementally, had to accept this hard truth: Determination is not enough. I am not enough for my kids. 

Read More

I Wrote a Book

By

On March 28, 2026

In Writing My Book

I wrote a book, you guys. I didn’t know if I could actually do it, but I did. I just turned in a manuscript to my publisher, and it’s 65,000 words–around 250 pages–divided into ten chapters. Technically it’s still a draft of a book, so there are many months of editing ahead of me, but it feels like clearing a giant hurdle–hopefully the hardest part.

For the last six months, working on this book has consumed almost all of my free time. My job is full-time (and it’s been busy!), so that meant that I had to squeeze writing into all the extra spaces. I didn’t send out Christmas cards or make Christmas goodies for neighbors and teachers. I missed out on most of the family movies. I reluctantly decided not to attend Urbana.  I watched none of the winter Olympics. I went to fewer of Josiah and Johnny’s soccer games. And I didn’t blog. 

But finding the time wasn’t the biggest obstacle. The hardest part was all the thinking. So much thinking. It filled up my brain to overflowing, as I frantically scribbled down ideas during stoplights or running out of the bathroom before they left my head and were lost forever. I was always, always thinking. I didn’t know that my brain could actually hurt from exertion until I wrote this book. One night after a day that included several hours of writing, I had a dream when it felt like a million voices were trying to talk to me all at once, and the strain of trying to process them all woke me up. 

And then there was the mental battle. So many times, I’d carve out the time to write and then stare at an empty screen, no idea how to start that chapter or that section. I’d have a bunch of notes and a bunch of thoughts, but my perfectionism wouldn’t let me get something out that wasn’t amazing. “Don’t be afraid to write a terrible first draft,” was advice I read once, and it became my mantra. I’d repeat it ad nauseam until I forced myself just to start typing something. After an hour I’d read it back to myself and usually discover that it wasn’t as terrible as I first assumed.

That doesn’t mean it was all great at first. There were two chapters in particular that I struggled with and many times, considered scrapping altogether. I had to constantly fight against thoughts of This is so stupid. Everyone will hate this. No one will want to read it, while mentally writing negative Amazon reviews instead of writing my book. But I wouldn’t let myself give up, and I’d keep praying and thinking and discussing with Gil (who was always so patient and long-suffering) until I got it right. And let me tell you–there have been very few times in my life that have matched the euphoria I felt when I finished a chapter. 

I’ve dreamed about becoming an author for almost my entire life, and I’ve thought seriously about this book for the past three years. I’ve still got a lot more work to do and several more months of waiting, but I can’t wait to share it with you. I wouldn’t have gotten this far without your support and encouragement, my dear readers. Thank you for your part in this too. 

I’m hoping that I’ll have more time in my life and in my head (even with all the editing) to write more in this space again. So please keep coming back! 

Related: I Signed a Book Contract

If you’re curious what my book is about, this post from 2016 is what planted the seed.

Worth Your Time (2025)

By

On January 9, 2026

In Book Recommendations, Worth Your Time

Hi everyone! Sorry it’s been pretty quiet around here. All my writing time and energy are pouring into my book! I’ve written seven out of ten chapters with three more to go. My goal is to finish the first draft by April, which means that you may get to see the finished product this time next year.

Before 2025 gets too far behind us, I want to share the recommendations I’ve been collecting…and neglecting to pass on to you. Enjoy!

Articles:

No Chance of Survival: How a Deadly Plane Crash Yielded a Growing Spiritual Harvest by Sarah Eekhoff Zylstra

This is one of those stories that will make you cry and rejoice and wonder at the mysterious, hard, beautiful ways of God. 

AI Makes Me Doubt Everything by Tim Challies

“What I am finding is that the existence, the growing prevalence, and the invisibility of AI have begun to seed a kind of epistemic doubt in my mind. When I watch videos I wonder if they are real or fabricated. When I see a photograph I wonder if it is authentic or generated, untouched or manipulated. When I read an article on the internet I wonder whether it was written by a human being or a machine. I don’t know what’s true anymore. I struggle to know what’s real.”

In Adoption, Only Jesus is the Hero by Jen Oshman

“The hard truth is that our love is not enough. Our love, no matter how fierce, will not heal their wounds. And our parenting, no matter how biblical, will not rescue them. Our best-informed, best-educated, best-supported efforts will always fall short. You and I cannot meet our children’s deepest needs, whether they are adopted or not. Our kids need Jesus. And not only do they need Jesus, but we need Jesus. Adoptive momma, we need the gospel. On this journey, we must remember who we are and who we are not. Only Jesus is a hero. Only Jesus is a rescuer. Only Jesus can save lives and redeem people.”

Movies/Shows:

Testament

Gil and I absolutely loved this re-imagining of the book of Acts. It is incredibly creative, deeply moving, and sent us back to our Bibles to ask, “Wait, is that how it really happened?” (And it did!) I highly, highly recommend it. We hope there is more coming!

Between Borders

This movie tells the true story of a family forced to flee their country during the Armenian genocide. Since refugees seem to be frequently vilified these days, it’s good to remind ourselves of why they come and why we want them here. 

Masaka Kids

If you’ve ever seen clips on social media of adorable African street kids dancing their hearts out, it was probably the Masaka kids. This documentary tells their story. 

Books:

The Storied Life: Christian Writing as Art and Worship by Jared Wilson

“To write is to wage war on multiple fronts. The insecurity battle is just one of many.” As I fight my way through writing my book (many times feeling like I am literally forcing myself to put words on a page and wondering why I ever thought I could do this), Wilson’s book was encouraging, affirming, practical, and helpful. Any Christian writer will benefit from it. 

Exile: The Church in the Shadow of Empire by Preston Sprinkle

How should Christians view politics and government? I know Preston Sprinkle is controversial among Christians, and I don’t claim to agree with him on everything. I read this book as research for the book I’m writing, and I found it interesting and compelling. I still need to do more studying on this subject, but Sprinkle has some really good points that every Christian needs to consider. 

Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kingsolver

There’s a reason why this book won the Pulitzer Prize: it’s absolutely brilliant. Barbara Kingsolver is the kind of writer I can only dream about becoming one day. That said, this is a devastating story. It took me a long time to get through it because it is so dark. Consider yourself warned: this story is full of profanity, drugs, abuse, violence, and sex. The fact that one little boy is at the center of all of it just makes it worse. Yet I can’t help but recommend it because of its power. It’s not a true story, but it’s a realistic depiction of life in Appalachia in the nineties. I couldn’t believe the events of this story could be historical, so I did my own research and discovered that, yes, the story is an accurate representation. Kingsolver wrote this book as a modern-day version of David Copperfield, and just as Dickens did, she succeeded in bringing to light the harsh realities of poverty and the exploitation that causes it. 

The Hats We Wear: Reflections on Life as a Woman of Faith by Elizabeth Trotter

Elizabeth Trotter is the editor of A Life Overseas and one of my favorite writers. What a gift this book is to women! Elizabeth isn’t afraid to crack herself open and let us see the most vulnerable and difficult parts of her story so that we can learn and be encouraged by what God has taught her. 

The Evangelical Imagination: How Stories, Images, and Metaphors Created a Culture in Crisis by Karen Swallow Prior

Why do we believe what we believe? Hopefully, for Christians, the Bible defines this, but we don’t often see the places where culture has deeply integrated into our beliefs. If you are interested in worldview, art, literature, and how stories and images influence us in ways we don’t realize, you’ll love this book. 

Practicing the King’s Economy: Honoring Jesus in How We Work, Earn, Spend, Save, and Give by Michael Rhodes, Robby Holt, and Brian Fikkert

This is another book I read as research for my own writing, and I loved it! This was written by guys from the Chalmers Institute (think When Helping Hurts). If you are someone interested in poverty alleviation, a business owner who wants to do more for the community, or any Christian with a passion to get outside American consumerism into a more biblical way of seeing life, this book is for you. It is super practical and inspiring. 

Your Church is the Community Center

By

On December 4, 2025

In Thoughts on Missions

How one EFCA church redefined community outreach––And yours can, too.

In June I attended the EFCA One conference in West Des Moines, Iowa at Valley Church. The conference was great, but I was absolutely inspired by this church. I have never before encountered a church that loves their community so much.

So I interviewed the pastor and a couple of others who have been impacted by Valley and wrote an article about it. It was posted today on the EFCA blog. I hope you are inspired too!

“I’m a Jesus-loving car guy,” says Scott Longstreet. One Sunday, after attending Valley Church (EFCA) in West Des Moines, Iowa, for a few months, Scott was walking out to the parking lot and had an inspiration: this would be a great place for a car show. “I could just see the whole place filled with cars,” he says.  

He took the idea to Pastor Quintin Stieff, who immediately agreed. Scott was taken aback. “In my previous church, nothing happened without going through a lot of channels. Nobody moved a chair without getting permission from someone else.”  

Scott soon realized his request was commonplace at Valley Church––in fact, it is its heart. When Valley says their purpose is to “Mobilize everyone’s God-given potential to deeply love Christ and their neighbors,” they mean it. They see their facility and their work as an expression of the Church’s highest calling. If you check out Valley’s events calendar, you’ll see it includes a breathtaking plethora of choices: coffee and connect for foster and adoptive moms, Movie Mondays, knitting club, card-playing group, support groups for special needs families, and a 8.5-acre farm for refugee families (and a Sunday farmers’ market to sell their produce).  

In 2013, Valley built a 29,000-square-foot community center as a gift to Des Moines. But that was just a natural extension of their DNA: Valley Church was already operating as a community center.  

Read the rest here.

To My Almost-Adult Kids: Don’t Be Afraid of These Three Words

By

On November 9, 2025

In Parenting

almost-adult kids

Dear Almost-Adult Kids,

I know you think I worry too much. You look out into this adult world you are entering and see possibility and adventure. But I look out into the same world and see a myriad of landmines that seek to destroy my children. You dream about independence; I have nightmares about all the things I haven’t taught you yet. Trusting God with your independence is the hardest part of parenting so far. 

I try not to tell you about all my worries. But one fear that I want you to know about? I worry you will be afraid to say these three words:

I need help.

Pride might keep you from saying these words. After all, you’ve worked hard for your independence. You might feel like you’ve had to wrestle it away from us at times. You probably want to prove to the world, to me and Dad, and to yourself that you can think for yourself and make adult decisions. Asking for help could make you feel weak or like you’ve failed. 

Shame might keep you from saying these words. You might realize that you’ve blown it and now you’re in over your head. You might worry that you’ve disappointed us, that we taught you to do the opposite thing and now we’ll say “I told you so.” 

I need to own that. I know there have been times when I’ve been too strict or too overbearing or too micro-managing. I know I haven’t always trusted you when I should have. So I get that you might be reluctant to come to me for help, and that’s partly my fault. 

But, my beloved children, please hear me when I say that one thing I’ve learned the hard way is that asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s actually a sign of strength. I’m not talking about the whiny cry from a kid who doesn’t want to do his chores. I mean the kind that comes with maturity – recognizing your God-designed limits and God-intended interdependence. It’s what true wisdom looks like, and it’s a mark of humility. 

It’s okay to admit that you don’t know everything. It takes incredible strength of character to take responsibility for your mistakes. So when your first instinct is to shift blame, shove your sin under the rug, or blunder blindly through a decision, tell yourself that you do have another choice: You can ask for help.

Your dad and I will always be ready to help. But you’ve also got a whole community of people around you who will do the same: grandparents, youth pastors, teachers, coaches – so many people who love you! Never allow yourself to believe that you are alone in this world. 

And perhaps the main reason this is so important to me is because you will never grow in your relationship with God until you are willing to go to him for help. In fact, I would argue that you won’t really understand what salvation means until you find yourself on your face, desperate for help from God. Pride and shame will try to keep you away from him too. But if you want to find life that is truly life? That starts by asking for help. 

Don’t be afraid; God is with you. 

I love you more than you’ll ever know,

Mom

Page 1 of 234

Next

Powered by WordPress & Theme by Anders Norén

Verified by MonsterInsights