Tag: Lessons and Musings Page 19 of 21

Uncertainty

On June 13, 2009

So much has happened in the last couple weeks. I think I’ll be posting about once a day for the next few days, just to get caught up. So keep checking!

There has been much stress but also much joy in these weeks. And much disappointment. Which is what I will write about this morning.

Major Disappointment #1: Josiah’s Court Hearing

Josiah’s first court hearing was April 17th. It went great. As well as it could have. Court hearing #2 was scheduled for June 11th (Thursday). We were very hopeful the adoption would be finalized. The social worker had completed her report, and she had promised she would be there. And since the judge is the one who had chosen June 11th, we figured she would be there too. Wouldn’t you think so?

Well, on Wednesday our lawyer called. She had an adoption case scheduled with the same judge the week before, and they had told her the judge was on vacation. She checked again on Wednesday and it was confirmed: The judge was indeed on vacation. Out of the country. Until August 3rd. (Pretty cushy job to be a judge if you ask me. They already get the entire months of December and January off). And being assigned to a different judge is not an option.

This normally would not be a big deal. Except that you may remember we already had to reschedule our Home Assignment due to Josiah’s adoption. We figured pushing it back to October would give us more than enough time. But now, with the court hearing pushed back to August…we just don’t know. Even if the adoption order is given at that hearing (which isn’t guaranteed since someone might not show up), it still takes time to receive the paperwork, apply for Josiah’s passport, and get his U.S. visa.

So what do we do? Push back our Home Assignment again? Even though, once again, we have lined up a substitute for Gil’s classes? Take the chance that everything will come through in time? But what do we do about purchasing plane tickets? Or scheduling speaking assignments? Home Assignments (especially short ones like ours) are very tightly scheduled. It’s not like we can just arrive in the States when we feel like it and then figure out when we will speak.

So what are we left with? Uncertainty.

Major Disappointment #2: Our House

You may recall that we had to temporarily leave our former house a few months ago, for renovations to be done. In the meantime we’ve been living in our “Dream House:” a little house in a beautiful location….right next to school.

It has been beautiful. But even more, it’s been incredible for ministry. We are 80 steps from the school’s gate. Students can come over for lunch. Students can walk over for counseling. Gil can come home for lunch. I can walk over with the kids for a visit. I can be so much more involved in HOPAC life than I usually am. It’s been incredible.

So incredible, in fact, that we have been trying to negotiate to stay. We reached as high as we could go rent-wise….to the point of even being willing to pay twice the rent we were paying at our other place (and the house itself isn’t even really worth it). And a couple weeks ago, it looked like the landlord agreed. We’ve been waiting…and waiting…for him to bring over a contract. But as of this week, it’s looking very much like it won’t work out.

I am so disappointed. Those of you who are stay-at-home moms understand the significance of me being able to be more involved in HOPAC life. This house seems so incredibly perfect for our ministry. I want to live here. A lot.

Meanwhile, the landlord at our former house has almost doubled her rent. So…now it looks like even that house may not be a great option for us. Gil and I have moved 7 times in our 8 years of marriage. The idea of house hunting again is positively depressing.

So what does that leave us with? Uncertainty.

I hate uncertainty. I am a planner. Years in advance, if possible. I am detail-oriented and scheduled. I don’t like spontaneity. So obviously these new developments are not exactly fun for me.

But what are my choices? Well….grumbling, complaining, stressing, whining (do adults still do that? umm….).

Or remembering the two Truths that apply to every life situation:

God is good. And He is in control.

Do I believe that God is still good and wants what is best for me, even if He takes away our dream house? Or will I get angry at Him and harbor the feeling that He is leaving me with second best?

Do I believe that God knew what He was doing when He allowed the judge to go on vacation? Do I believe that whatever happens with our Home Assignment, it will be in His good timing?

Or do I act in unbelief?

This week, we held our second annual Elementary School Bible verse quiz. The kids knocked our socks off with their great work. But as I was standing there, feeding references to these kids who kept spitting out passages as if they were just their ABC’s, I was reminded of God’s sovereignty:

“In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.”

“I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted.”

“‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the LORD.”

“I form the light and create darkness, I bring prosperity and create disaster; I, the LORD, do all these things.”

“Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides you, who acts on behalf of those who wait for him.”

I want God to work everything out the way I want it. But then, would I really have opportunity to trust Him? Who is running this world…me? Or God?

He is good. And He is in control.

Reflections on America

By Amy Medina

On April 28, 2009

In Other

Through the eyes of a three-year-old:
“Mommy, at the airport, the doors just open by themselves and people walk through!”

When I brushed her teeth using tap water, she said in great horror, “Mommy, you are using DIRTY water!”

Fascination with: drinking fountains, automatic flushing toilets, the buttons on her airplane seat (how many times did we “accidentally” page the flight attendant?) and escalators. In fact, I don’t know why we spent the money to take her to Disneyland when we could have just spent 5 hours at the airport going up and down the escalators and she would have been just as happy. Oh wait, we did that too.

Speaking of Disneyland: Taking Grace to Disneyland for the first time was somewhat of a sublime experience for me. Disneyland is the quintessential experience for children (in theory, anyway). The Happiest Place on Earth, right? Okay, okay, I’m not looking for a debate here. But when I saw my little girl at Disneyland, having the time of her life, I was struck quite forcefully with the thought of the life she might have lived had God not brought her into our lives. I do realize that there are much more important experiences in a child’s life than Disneyland, but to see her experiencing the blissful delightedness of unabashed childhood joy almost brought me to tears a few times that day.

Speaking of unabashed: What is it about America that makes a woman dreadfully insecure? After just a few days of a bit of television, bill boards, and magazine covers, I suddenly had the thought that I really, really needed some wrinkle cream. The thought had never occurred to me before. Hmmm. This is one aspect of American life that is entirely absent from life in Tanzania, and I don’t miss it at all. (Don’t worry, I didn’t actually buy it.)

Speaking of missing: As much as I loved my time in the States, and took so much joy in seeing Grace + Grandparents love on each other, it just wasn’t the same without my boys. I had lost some sleep about leaving Josiah, but thankfully he did great and has readjusted quickly to having his mom back on the scene. I’m certain this is because Gil did such a great job with him.

Speaking of Gil: How many husbands would not only allow, but encourage their wives to leave for two weeks to go have fun in the States and leave him with their 17-month-old? What a wonderful husband I have. He dealt with stinky diapers, tears at night, meals, and entertainment of our little guy all by himself for two weeks so that Grace and I could do this. He even encouraged us to go to Disneyland, knowing he would miss out on seeing Grace experience it for the first time. I am ashamed to admit that my attitude hasn’t always been as great when he has left on trips. He did a fantastic job being Mr. Mom and it is a joy to call him mine.

Speaking of joy: You know one thing I absolutely love about being in the States? Going to church. Of course, we are part of a church here. But there is nothing like being with so many friends, all in one place, who have known me for so many years; who have loved me, served with me, prayed for me, encouraged me, mentored me, and helped to make me who I am today. Hillside and FCC, you have no idea how much you mean to me.

Happy Memories: Bibi and Babu and Grandma and Grandpa, cousins, Paul and Kimmie, meeting my new sister-in-law Shannon, Carothers (plus FOUR!), Anne, Feather family, Hillside, Easter eggs, Grace’s Easter dress, FCC’s new sanctuary, Lisa’s Tea Treasures, lunch at Google (for free!), long phone conversations with dear friends, seeing Grace meet Dora at Great America, seeing Grace meet Mickey Mouse at Disneyland, Walmart, new clothes, pizza, Taco Bell, Fresh Choice, grapes, Cheerios, strawberries, flank steak, Cold Stone, water pressure, carpet…and of course, escalators.

When I arrived back home on Sunday, there hadn’t been electricity for 24 hours. I found two large swarms of very large ants (1/2 inch each, no joke) in the house.

I pulled the completely defrosted pork fillet out of the freezer and forced my way through my foggy jetlagged brain to figure out what to cook with it. I lit candles. I sprayed the swarms of ants and swept their little carcasses out of the door. The power came back on during dinner.

Home, sweet home.

Make Me Steadfast

By Amy Medina

On March 4, 2009

In Other

I form the light and create darkness,
I bring prosperity and create disaster;
I, the LORD, do all these things.

Too many things swirling around my mind.

Grace’s U.S. immigrant visa interview this morning…did I ever realize what a complicated procedure this is? Just because she’s adopted by Americans doesn’t automatically make her American.

Josiah’s homestudy appointment this afternoon. Josiah’s court hearing on April 17th.

Moving out on Saturday. Yep, moving out. It’s happening. The landlord is bound and determined to knock down all our internal walls and build them again. Can’t be disuaded. So, we’re moving. To short-term housing that is way too expensive but we don’t really have a choice.

He says 1-2 months…we’re doubling that and hoping it’s not even longer.

Moving…moving…what to take? What to store? Can’t take apart the house yet because the homestudy is this afternoon. Can’t take the dogs with us…can’t leave them here…

Too many deadlines…too many details…and a daughter who is going through a disobedient stage…

And then there’s all the bad news. Aren’t you getting it too? Too many people losing jobs…too many people I love who are struggling. What’s next? And I’m guessing the worst is yet to come…and afraid to open my news page every day.

These are uncertain times. But is anything ever certain?

Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:
Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

He is good, and He is in control.

You will keep in perfect peace
him whose mind is steadfast,
because he trusts in you.

Again

By Amy Medina

On January 9, 2009

In Other

For the second time since we’ve come to live in Africa—almost six years—we’ve been without electricity for more than 24 hours.

The power went off Monday evening. Now it is Friday evening. It is still off.

Tuesday afternoon…I know the routine now. Take everything out of the freezer and lug it to the freezer at school. Take some stuff out of the fridge and put it in the freezer, which is still somewhat cold. Throw out a bunch of stuff. So much for planning ahead by making extra leftovers.

And so the days have progressed.

Keep the kids occupied. I spend more time face-to-face with my kids—that’s a good thing! Can’t work on my computer, can’t bake anything that needs refrigeration, can’t do a lot of things I usually do. They can’t watch TV or listen to music. So we play. Games, puzzles, the sprinkler outside. They get extra time in the bath.

Figure out what to make for dinner. Thankful for my gas stove. Think of something that uses only non-perishables and won’t create any leftovers. Kids get powdered milk. Lots of tuna and peanut butter. My friends in the village have assured me that mayo doesn’t need refrigeration—I am trusting them! After dinner…quick! Get cleaned up, get the kids into the bath and into bed before it gets too dark to see.

Light candles. All the rechargeable flashlights are no longer charged. Gil stays home in the dark. I run to school for a precious hour or so to get some work done….emails written, on-line coursework, lesson planning for my sixth grade Bible class.

I come home; Gil leaves to sleep at a friend’s house. It’s a little cooler than it was when this happened in December, but still too hot for my very warm-blooded husband to sleep without A/C or a fan.

Darkness surrounds me. I’m not used to it being so dark. Or so quiet. I’m used to white noise. The kids sleep fine, of course….but I jump at every noise. I make sure my hair is very wet before going to bed. I watch something on my computer until the battery runs out. Thankfully, sleep comes.

The uncertainty of it all is hardest. We call the power company daily—“It will be fixed today!” they tell us. Every day. So do we wait this out? Go to someone’s house? Certainly it will only be one more day….

And then there’s the battle.

“I can’t live like this!!!”

Yes, you can. My grace is sufficient.

“I’m hot; I’m tired. I don’t get to see my husband. I can’t cook, can’t entertain, can’t get any work done.”

Yes, you can. My grace is sufficient. Get creative. Choose joy.

So I think on Zimbabwe. And the millions there who are starving or sick from cholera because of a tyrannical ruler. Where a day’s wage—if you can get work—will buy you a loaf of bread—if you can find bread.

And I feel ashamed.

A missionary friend laughingly told me this week, “We Westerners are fragile creatures, aren’t we?”

Indeed. Of course, I don’t like to think of myself that way—after all, I am a missionary in Africa! But I am not as strong as I would like to think I am.

My grace is sufficient.

Sometimes, this week, I have won the battle and chosen joy. Sometimes I have been grumpy. I hope I’m doing better this time than last month when this happened.

Hmmm. I wonder how many times God will let this happen until I learn it completely?

Who Would’ve Guessed?

By Amy Medina

On January 2, 2009

In Other

This article absolutely floored me.

“As an atheist, I truly believe Africa needs God:
Missionaries, not aid money, are the solution to Africa’s biggest problem – the crushing passivity of the people’s mindset”

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/columnists/matthew_parris/article5400568.ece

If you are interested in missions, Africa, or worldviews, check this out.