Tag: Lessons and Musings Page 18 of 21

October 6th

On October 6, 2009

Our plane is leaving today. Except that we’re not on it.

Two weeks ago I wrote that I am trusting in God’s character. And I asked you to keep me accountable to it if we didn’t get on that plane on October 6th. So I guess I better trust, eh? Because the world is watching.

I was worried, but I didn’t really think it wouldn’t happen. At least, not after we got the adoption certificate. That was always the wild card in this thing. Not the visa.

Yet….there goes our plane. And in front of us lies an uncertain process with uncertain timing. I have been working like crazy to collect all the pieces necessary for this application we have to submit. But once it is submitted, we wait. We don’t know for how long. Even the Dar embassy couldn’t tell us because the application gets sent up to the embassy in Nairobi.

I was thinking about how I need to print out new calendar pages. Because the calendar pages I have now say depressing things on them like, “Disneyland with family” and “Luncheon with FCC,” and “Pumpkin Patch with Living Stones.” So I decided to print out new pages for October and November. But not December. “You can have October and November, God,” I thought. “But you’d better not take December from me!”

Ha. Foolish Amy. But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? As if I were the ruler of my universe. Elisabeth Elliot often talked about how anything we love is “material for sacrifice.” That’s what December is for me. Material for sacrifice. Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him…Dear children, keep yourselves from idols.

Today is one of those “what-if-things-had-been-different” days. What if this hadn’t happened? What if we were waiting in the airport right now, ready to board in just a few minutes? What if our family was getting ready to pick us up? How different I would be feeling right now!

I’ve been thinking about another significant date. May 21st, 2005. Another huge disappointment in our lives. The date we lost our first and only biological child to early miscarriage. That baby would have been due the first week of January, 2006. I remember thinking about that baby during that week in January, thinking the same “what-if-things-had-been-different” thoughts.

It wasn’t until 10 months later, when Gil and I brought home our beautiful, precious, 10-month-old Grace, that I realized: She was born at the same time. The same time my biological baby would have been born, my precious Gracie was being born. Yet God chose to take the baby from my womb, and instead place in my arms another precious child—conceived at almost the exact same time. Yet I didn’t know on May 21st; I didn’t know in January. I didn’t know what God had in mind until November 1, 2006.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

Okay, God. I’m trying hard to hold out December with open hands.

I am here for God to send me where He will.

By Amy Medina

On September 25, 2009

In Other

“Jesus Christ demands that there be not the slightest trace of resentment even suppressed in the heart of a disciple when he meets with tyranny and injustice. No enthusiasm will ever stand the strain that Jesus Christ will put upon His worker, only one thing will, and that is a personal relationship to Himself which has gone through the mill of His spring-cleaning until there is only one purpose left—I am here for God to send me where He will. Every other thing may get fogged, but this relationship to Jesus Christ must never be.” ~Oswald Chambers, My Utmost For His Highest, September 25.

It’s hard to describe how exciting it is to go on Home Assignment. I suppose it is akin to anyone who goes home after a year or more of not seeing their family, except that it’s more than just seeing family. It’s the relief of being in a place where everyone speaks English and you know where to find things and you know how to operate in the culture. It’s the joy of being with friends and a church who have known you since you were small…people with permanency…significant since our lives here are so full of short-term relationships. Don’t get me wrong—you who have stuck with this blog for sometime know that I love Tanzania and I do love living here. But there’s just something about going home….

I guess I’m just trying to explain why this has been so crushing for us. The anticipation of counting down days…we were down to 12…to only find out that now there will be a whole lot more than 12. The last few weeks have been a frenzy of activity for me…doing so much to get ready….all of my thoughts centered on October 6th. So today, this morning, I suddenly wondered, “What am I going to do today?” None of the things on my list really matter anymore.

But it’s okay. The disappointment is huge, but this is not a life-long tragedy. One thing I have learned through adoptions is how to wait…and how to deal with disappointment. There have been greater disappointments than this. There is far greater suffering in the world than this.

Yesterday I was putting away all the documents I had brought to the embassy, and took a moment to gaze on Josiah’s adoption certificate. After receiving it a couple weeks ago, I was in such a hurry to get his passport that I didn’t even stop to consider the significance of this green piece of paper. Yet it is so significant! And really, so much more important than a visa! That paper says that Josiah is ours forever—what more could we want?

And God is good. He could have softened the heart of the consular officer; He could have put a different officer in place. He could have had the judge sign Josiah’s adoption order weeks earlier, which would have allowed us the time to apply for Josiah’s citizenship and prevented this delay. He could have; He could have. All of those things are easy for Him. Yet He didn’t, despite hundreds of people’s prayers. So. I trust Him. I trust that He knows what is best.

And already we see His hand….in Gil’s substitute, Lisa, who immediately said she could reschedule and flex with us. What an unexpected praise! In school administrators who said they would work with whatever we needed to do. In the prayers and encouragement of God’s people.

And who knows? My parents have contacted their congressman. Oh my. What could be next in God’s unexpected plan? 🙂

Wherever He Pleases

By Amy Medina

On September 15, 2009

In Other

“The king’s heart is in the hand of the LORD; he directs it like a watercourse wherever he pleases.”

I like to be in control. I like to know what’s going to happen and when it will happen and when that is settled I don’t want anything to change.

Never been a spontaneous person. That’s part of my personality. But ultimately, I’ve discovered, I just don’t want to depend on God. What a shocking revelation. But it has to be true.

We have been trying to go on Home Assignment for over 8 months now. We thought that by pushing it back to October, we would be allowing ourselves plenty of time. And even when it looked impossible, Josiah’s adoption was finalized in July. Great! I thought. We’re on schedule. And in control.

Then the judge sat with the adoption order on her desk, ready to be signed, for six weeks. Yep, all it needed was a signature. For six weeks. In faith we bought our plane tickets for October 6th. And we prayed.

Last week, we finally got the signature. I turned right around the next day and put in the application for Josiah’s Tanzanian passport. Sigh of relief. We should be good now, I thought. Back in control.

Knowing I would need to get Josiah a U.S. visa as soon as I get the passport, I wrote an email to the U.S. embassy in Dar, asking them a couple questions in advance. Yesterday I got an email answering those questions, along with the following statement: “You should not feel, however, that a visa is guaranteed.”

Splash of cold water in the face. Of course, I already knew that happy little fact; I just didn’t want to think about it. There is nothing that forces a consular officer to grant a visa to anyone. He is allowed to deny visa applications even on a hunch, if he wants to. Great. Thanks for the reminder that I don’t even have control over whether I (a U.S. citizen) will be allowed to bring my adopted son into the United States.

I am not in control. And I hate that feeling. I want to plan; I want to know; I want to be sure. I want to be in control. So I must come to the conclusion that I don’t want to depend on God. How can I say such a thing? But emotions reveal my true heart.

So what do I do? I talk to myself. I teach myself the same things that lately I have been teaching my sixth graders: The Character of God. “God is everywhere. He knows everything. He is all-powerful. He is perfectly holy and just. He is perfect love. He is Sovereign: He is above all and more powerful than all; He is the highest authority.”

I lay my life on those claims. If I believe they are true, then why do I worry? Even if the worst happens, and the visa is denied, do I still believe He is all-powerful and holy and just and sovereign and love? Yes, I must.

I am writing this here so that you can rejoice with me at God’s provision if we get on that plane on October 6th, and hold me accountable to my belief in His character if we do not.

Whatever the Circumstances

By Amy Medina

On August 13, 2009

In Other

I live in a tropical paradise. I can see the glorious, sparkling Indian Ocean from the staff room at school, peeking between the trees at my house, and when I run errands around town. For fun we take a little boat to an uninhabited island and snorkel. The weather is always warm; even in “winter” it rarely goes below 66 at night. I am surrounded by Africans who are almost always warm and friendly, eager to help and eager to talk. I can walk down the road and buy melt-in-your-mouth pineapples for under a dollar, tomatoes, onions, bananas….or barbequed meat and French fries. A sense of adventure pervades every activity since life is usually unpredictable. I live in a large 3 bedroom house with a yard big enough for a soccer field, for less than what we paid for our tiny, one-bedroom apartment in California. I have a house worker who comes 5 mornings a week and does my cleaning and laundry.

Even better, my husband and I get to work and do ministry every day at a school we absolutely love. We get to spend our days with a staff from around the world who are so totally committed to the Lord and to the school that they are willing to raise support and essentially volunteer to work here. We work with students from 35 different countries who like to talk about deep things and for the most part have been shielded from the materialism and cynicism of their western peers. We have the privilege of feeling like we are doing something significant for eternity that fits our gifts perfectly, and we get to have fun while we do it.

Sound great? Envious? It’s all true. But this is also true:

We live in a developing country. Very little infrastructure exists in the city. That translates into snarled traffic where most drive dangerously, little law enforcement, garbage piled next to the streets, and no public parks. Customer service is not a cultural norm. I have to learn to adapt to a whole new system of living: there’s no yellow pages when something breaks, cultural standards of politeness and gift giving and hospitality are all different. There are often a lot of bugs. And rats. And snakes. Electricity and water supply are unpredictable. The humidity is suffocating for most of the year. Crime is high. Our car has been broken into twice; three of our friends have had violent house robberies in the past year.

Our students hand us a multitude of problems: eating disorders, self-injury, depression. Yet there are no counselors; not even the local church is equipped to deal with such issues. It’s also emotionally draining for us to form friendships with other missionaries because they are usually so transient. Every year at HOPAC, we lose and gain 30-50% of our staff. After this school year, my husband and I will be the longest-standing teachers at HOPAC—after only 7 years. Every single person there will have worked for fewer years than us. My husband has not had a close male friend for 3 years, simply because most of the young teachers at HOPAC are female. Up until this year, we have been the only staff members with young children. If we are lucky, we see our families once a year. Loneliness is often present.

I am not trying to evoke envy or pity. I’ve just been thinking about how every situation in life has two perspectives. I find that when I am in a good mood, I focus on the first perspective. When I’m in a bad mood, I focus on the second. Yet both perspectives are equally true. It’s simply a matter of what I will choose to focus on.

“I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” How often do believers quote this verse to get them through any number of situations? Yet, in context, the verse is talking about contentment. “…I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.” And what is that secret? “I can do everything through him who gives me strength.”

Paul gives us another strategy earlier, “…whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.”

I can choose what I think about? I can choose what I focus on? Indeed!

My desire: To resist allowing my mood to dictate which perspective I focus on, and instead train my focus to dictate my mood.

The Speech

By Amy Medina

On June 17, 2009

In Other

The speech I gave the graduating seniors on Friday (with a little editing):

“Don’t Waste Your College Years”
(influenced by Piper, of course!)

I’ve known many of these students for eight years. In 2001, my husband and I arrived in Tanzania for the first time. I was 23 years old. I had only taught for 2 years, and only second grade. I was given the fifth grade class.

Figuring out how to live in Tanzania was a really rough transition for me. And I had no idea how I was going to teach fifth grade. I still remember my first day at HOPAC. This campus had just been built. It was barely finished. The rooms had just been painted and there was nothing—not even any whiteboards, on the walls. In the storeroom of my classroom were boxes and boxes of books. I had no idea what I was supposed to teach. Mr. Champion, the principal, was gone and didn’t come back until a couple of days before school started. There was no working copy machine until the day before school started. I couldn’t find any art supplies. I remember shuffling around in some old papers, trying to find enough poster paper so that I could at least write down the class rules and post them on the wall. I was beyond overwhelmed.

I really didn’t know how I was going to make it. It truly was the grace of God that got me here on the first day of school. And I remember that day, Dorothy came up to me and introduced herself, and the first thing she said to me was, “I thought you were going to be OLD! But you are SO pretty!” And suddenly, all was well with the world. I knew I could make it. And the class continued to bless me for the two years I taught them.

That year was also the first year HOPAC had a tenth grade—there were about 8 students in that class. And now, look at us. Look at how far HOPAC has come. Look at what God has done, and what He is doing. In such a short time.

All of you are entering your college years. Some of you will be going off to university, some of you will be taking a gap year in far off places, others of you may be starting job training. But all of you are entering a new season in your lives—your college years, even if you aren’t actually going to college.

So this is my challenge today: Don’t waste your college years. Don’t waste them. You are entering an extremely important season in your life. In the next 4-6 years, you will be making decisions that will affect the rest of your life. Your career, your spouse, where you live—all could be decided in the next few years. Don’t waste these years.

I have three thoughts I want to leave with you today.

1. You will waste your college years if you forget where you came from.

Most of you do not recognize your uniqueness, because you are surrounded by people who are just like you. Yet when you go out into the world, especially if you leave Tanzania, you will suddenly realize that you are very different from your peers around you. You are unique because you have friends from 30 different countries. You are unique because you have seen and experienced poverty first hand. You are unique because many of you are from western countries or will live in western countries, yet you know and love and have experienced Africa deeply. You are unique because you are comfortable among many different cultures and languages.

Yet if you enter your new season of life and simply become like all the other ordinary people around you, you will waste your college years. If you don’t use your love of Africa to help others love Africa, if you don’t set an example for others as how to love and relate to people who are different from you, if you don’t continue in your compassion for others because of your experience with poverty, you will waste your college years. You will be different from your university classmates or the other people you meet in this new season of life. But don’t just then become like everybody else. Don’t forget where you came from. Use your uniqueness to influence others.

2. You will waste your college years if you do not consider what you can give back.

5% of Tanzanian teenagers are enrolled in secondary school. Only 5%. If you compare yourself only to the students around you at HOPAC, you are average. But if you compare yourself to the average Tanzanian, you have everything.

You have completed your secondary school education. You have completed your education at one of the finest secondary schools in Tanzania. You have had so many teachers here love you and invest in you and go beyond just teaching you every day to really influence your lives. You have the opportunity to go to university.

You have electricity. You live in a house with cement walls. You have access to clean drinking water. You can afford medical care if you need it. You do not have to worry about having enough to eat every day. These are privileges that most of Tanzania—indeed, most of the world—do not have.

I know that your lives are not always easy and many of you have gone through hard times. But you have been so blessed. And as you go into this next chapter of your life, and you consider what path your life will take—what your career will be, where you will live, what lifestyle you will have—you must think about what you will give back.

God did not give you all this so that you can simply become rich and live a comfortable life. God gave you this so that you can make a difference in the world. How will you give back? Will you seek out how your life can help to make the world better, or will you live only for yourself? If you seek only your own happiness, you will waste your college years. You will waste your life. Seek out God’s plan for your life—how He can use your unique talents and abilities to bring redemption to a broken world.

3. You will waste your college years if you do not search for Truth.

Life…death…God…purpose….love. Most of you could give me your opinions on these subjects. You’ve heard a lot about them at HOPAC, and probably in your family as well. But for some of you, if not all of you, when you leave these walls, you will suddenly find yourself faced with a multitude of opinions that you never thought possible. Your professors will be very persuasive in their beliefs, and most likely antagonistic, to any sort of religious faith. You may find yourself questioned, even ridiculed, on why you believe what you do. You will have friends present ideas that you never considered before. And though at HOPAC we have always encouraged you to think for yourself and never blindly believe anything, when you leave, you will find all you ever believed to be challenged.

What will you do? Will you build walls around your beliefs and not allow anyone or anything to question you, shutting your eyes against opposing views? Will you cave in to pressure and accept the views of whoever is most persuasive? Will you believe whatever is trendy? Or will you take the time and the mental energy to really and truly search for Truth?

If you refuse to think and question what you believe, you will waste your college years. If you give in without carefully considering, you will waste your college years.

Never in your life will you again be presented with so many different ways of thinking than in these coming years. Don’t waste this opportunity.

Think. Hard. About what you believe. Ask yourself the hard questions, even if others don’t. Ask yourself why you believe what you do. Don’t rest until you can prove to yourself the reliability of what you believe. Ask questions of others—your professors, your friends, your mentors. Read books thoughtfully—to really learn, not just to complete the assignment. Pray. With an earnest heart, ask God repeatedly to lead you into the Truth.

Of course, I do believe in everything that HOPAC stands for. I believe the Bible is the Word of God. I believe Jesus is the Son of God who took the punishment for sin that we deserve, so that we can have a relationship with God. But these beliefs did not come without a significant period, during my college years, of searching, and doubting, and begging God to reveal to me the Truth. I don’t believe these things because it was the way I was raised. I believe these things because I came to the conclusion they are the Truth—and that they can stand up rationally against rigorous opposition. I don’t want you to believe the things you’ve been taught at HOPAC simply because we taught them to you. Now, I do believe that any honest search will lead to the God of the Bible. But I want you to believe this because you have discovered, for yourself, on your own, that it is true. There is a very good chance that the things you will believe for the rest of your life will be determined during your college years. Don’t waste this chance.

So. This is my challenge. Remember where you came from. Consider what you can give back. And search for Truth. If you do, you will be using your college years to the fullest. Don’t waste them.

I am confident in saying that every staff member at HOPAC—past and present—who has taught you over the last 13 years, would be very proud to see you up on this stage today. You represent everything good that has been accomplished at HOPAC during these years. We are so incredibly proud of you.