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Walmart Dreaming

I confess. 

I have shopping dreams.  They always take place at a grocery store, mall, or Walmart-type store.  I happily walk through the aisles, filling my cart with anything and everything I could ever want, and then…..something happens.  And I leave the store with nothing.  Sad, I know.

The ironic part is that I am really not a shopper.  As I mentioned earlier, I am a saver.  Shopping has never been one of my favorite things to do.  That is, until you put me in a third world country for years at a time.  Then I start dreaming about Walmart with its endless aisles of chocolate chips and cheap deodorant. 

A number of years ago, Dar es Salaam got it’s very first real mall.  It’s about a tenth of the size of your average mall in the States, and most of the stores in it are banks or cell phone shops, but it’s fully air conditioned (very important) and has a three-screen movie cinema.  It also has a store named Game, which is a chain from South Africa. 

Game is full of appliances, electronics, household items and cosmetics.  Kind of like a Target or Walmart.  Kind of.  Except that it’s about a fifth of the size, and five times the prices.  I still shop there, because sometimes it’s the only place to find certain things, but I buy as little as possible.  I refuse to pay $40 for a bath towel, no matter how old mine are getting. 

A few months ago, I noticed this flyer at Game:

It’s true.  Walmart had bought out Game.  Thus confirming everyone’s suspicions that Walmart is indeed trying to take over the world.

So does that mean that we now have a Walmart in Tanzania?

No…No….NO!  Not until I can go there and find everything on my list and spend less than $100, not until then will I admit that we have a Walmart.  (Those “fantastic deals” on the flyer?  Humph.  Whatever.)

It’s been well over two years since I’ve really gone shopping, so I am eagerly anticipating this trip to America, and have been working on a list for a couple months now.  You want to know what’s on a Walmart-deprived girl’s list?

-bread pans

-bath mats

-sprinkles

-parmesan cheese

-chocolate chips

-pepperoni

-deodorant

-shoes for all the kids

-underwear

-batteries

-watercolor paints

-candy thermometer (for pasteurizing milk; I don’t make candy!)

-mascara

-watch band

-sunscreen

-sewing supplies for Grace

-school backpack for Grace

Gil already brought back about 30 pounds of candy and chocolate, so we’re good in that department.

Speaking of chocolate, did you know that America now produces pretzel M&M’s?  I’m guessing you already know that.  But it’s truly a beautiful thing. 

Walmart (real Walmart)….Here I come!

Kwa Heri! Twende!

A season has ended; a new one is beginning.

See you on the other side of the world!

Northern California Memories

(this picture is censored to make it PG 🙂

Southern California Memories

The Tearing Away

tear (târ)
v. tore (tôr, tr), torn (tôrn, trn), tear·ing
1. To pull apart or into pieces by force; rend.
2. To separate forcefully; wrench
3. To divide or disrupt

That ache has started.

It’s familiar to me now, so it doesn’t catch me off guard. And I’ve gone through it enough times to know that it’s temporary; that once we get back to Tanzania and life resumes to normal, that I will feel okay again.

We leave two weeks from tomorrow. It’s that season of “lasts” right now. Last visits, last shopping trips, last Taco Bell runs, last times to the park. A season of limbo–that feeling of not belonging anywhere. It’s like standing on the precipice between two worlds. It’s stressful and anxious and I usually don’t sleep very well.

Worse: it’s the season of good-byes.

It feels like ripping a band-aid off of soft skin. Gil said to me last night, “I feel like we come here long enough to realize what we’re missing, and then we leave again.”

There’s just no way around it–it’s hard.

And though the good bye is not forever, now that we have children, it sort of feels that way. Because a year or two can go by in our lives, and not much changes. But a year or two goes by in the life of my children, and everything changes.

It’s loss, really. Not permanent loss, of course–not as tragic as that. But loss of memories. Family vacations and birthdays and Christmases that won’t be spent together. Knowing that even with internet and phone calls and cards, an ocean and two continents separate us. And when we come back, those years can’t be bought back. Loss.

Of course, I know all those things about why we’re going and God’s sovereignty and how He brings beauty from ashes. And I believe it. I do not grieve without hope.

But the sadness is there. It will remain a lump in my stomach for the next few weeks. It will get better again, I know that. But that doesn’t really lessen the pain right now.

How I long for that Day to come. That last Day, when there will no longer be any good byes.

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