Tag: Adoption Page 9 of 24

When You Became Mine

On March 18, 2015

On the day you were born, your cord was not cut, nor were you washed with water to make you clean, nor were you wrapped in cloths. No one looked on you with pity or had compassion enough to do any of these things for you. Rather, you were thrown out into the open field, for on the day you were born you were despised. (Ezekiel 16:4-5)

I find it interesting that so many people are shocked that some African women would dump their newborns into a pit latrine.

My last post quickly shot up into my #1 most-read post, with over 7000 hits. (I realize that’s small potatoes in the blog world, but it’s a lot for my tiny corner of the internet.)

It certainly was not my most inspired piece of writing. So all I can figure is that it was sensational enough to shock people into reading and sharing.

But why?

Why is it so shocking that women in Africa leave their newborns to die?

Is dumping a baby into a toilet more barbaric than jabbing a scalpel into a baby’s neck, suctioning out her brains, and crushing her skull? Or simply vacuuming her life away, piece by piece, as she struggles to get away?

After all, that’s what happened to over a million babies in America last year. Legally.

At least Tanzania has the sense to make child murder illegal.

In Tanzania, there’s not a lot of hope for unwanted babies, when adoption is so culturally unacceptable. But in America, there’s tens of thousands of couples who wait months….years….for the phone call that there’s a baby waiting for them. Yet still, we throw away a million babies a year.

Listen. My heart breaks for these mamas. I can’t imagine the despair, the hopelessness, the fear, that compels a mama to dump her newborn into a toilet pit. Or to pay money for someone to suck out her baby’s brains. I think of the 17-year-old who is terrified she’ll be kicked out of school. Or the prostitute who doesn’t see a way out. Or the desperate mama who just doesn’t know how she’ll feed one more child.

It goes against a woman’s deepest instinct to turn her back on her child. The heartache that leads her to that point must be unfathomable. Yes, Christians, let’s be known for advocating for the babies. But let’s be known for advocating for the mamas too.

But don’t just weep for the African babies who are thrown away. Weep for the American ones too–and those all over the world, for that matter. (Ironically, one of the few (only?) similarities between the United States and North Korea is that they both permit abortions past 20 weeks–two of only seven countries in the entire world that allow them.)

Yet

There is redemption for a baby lifted out of a toilet pit and given life and love.

There is redemption for the adoptive mother when that child fills empty spaces in her heart.

There is redemption for the birth mother who sacrificially gives her child a chance at life. And there’s even redemption available for the one who doesn’t.

Because in that picture, there is the reminder that we all are in the toilet pit, until the Day when we are lifted out and made Sons or Daughters.

Then I passed by and saw you kicking about in your blood, and as you lay there in your blood I said to you, “Live!” I made you grow like a plant of the field….I gave you my solemn oath and entered into a covenant with you, declares the Sovereign Lord, and you became mine. (Ezekiel 16:6, 8)

The Grim Reality of Bathroom Door Locks

By Amy Medina

On March 15, 2015

In Other

Last week, Alyssa and I visited Lucy’s home, where we were treated like royalty. Lucy continues to impress me with her love for Jesus and people, which was even more evident in her home and neighborhood. And her incredible sense of humor makes her a fantastic Kiswahili teacher.

But it was no laughing matter when she explained to us why there’s a lock on the outside of her bathroom door. It seemed strange–after all, there’s nothing worth stealing inside.

Most people in Tanzania have pit toilets, and Lucy’s house is no exception. She explained that the government tells people to lock their bathrooms, so that women will not abandon their newborn babies to the depths of the pit.

What a horrifying reality. In fact, I know two such children–now adopted (but not by us)–who were rescued on their birth days from such a nightmare.

Whenever I talk about adoption with my Tanzanian friends, every single one can tell me of an instance when they came across an abandoned baby. Though not always alive.

For most, they are found too late to rescue. And those that are, live their entire lives on the streets or in an orphanage. There are over 2 million orphans in Tanzania, and maybe only a couple dozen get adopted every year.

Which is why it makes me mad when UNICEF and other such organizations are so anti-international adoption, and anti-orphanage, and are heavily influencing developing countries (including Tanzania) to be the same way. YES, let’s work at family reunification whenever possible. YES, let’s work at getting corruption out of the adoption process. And by all means, tell people to put a lock on their bathroom doors.

For many children, there is no family to be reunified with. Let’s at least redeem their stories by helping them find a new one.

March 19: Follow-up to this post here: When You Became Mine. Why is it so shocking that women in Africa leave their newborns to die? Is dumping a baby into a toilet more barbaric than jabbing a scalpel into a baby’s neck, suctioning out her brains, and crushing her skull? Or simply vacuuming her life away, piece by piece, as she struggles to get away?

Additional note added in 2016: Since I wrote this post, I now have many more mixed feelings on the issue of international adoption. Please read this series I wrote: I Wish It Wasn’t True: The Dark Side of International Adoption.

She’s At My Table

By Amy Medina

On July 26, 2014

In Other

Do you remember the story of Zawadi? Click the link, if you never read it. And even if you did, read it again, because it’s a pretty cool story.

Zawadi has been home for almost a year now, but it happened shortly after we left for the States, so we never got to get to know her and we never got to celebrate with Ben and Lauren.

So it’s pretty amazing and wonderful and awesome that now she’s at my table, and playing with my children. Her parents are some of our best friends, so the kids will practically be raised as cousins.

We’re pretty happy about that.

Good Thing They’re Worth It

By Amy Medina

On June 7, 2014

In Other

How many times can you adopt a child?

Apparently, quite a few.

Adoption #1 was in Tanzania. We worked for a year each on those ones, with multiple court hearings for each child that required two-hour long trips into town, usually to find that the judge had not actually shown up that day.

Adoption #2 wasn’t technically an adoption, but the process to get our kids their U.S. citizenship required even more paperwork and waiting and money than Adoption #1.

Recently we found out that even though our kids have their U.S. citizenship and their U.S. passports, that if we wanted them to have U.S. birth certificates, that we would have to adopt them again, this time in the United States.

So….we adopted them….again. Hence, the picture above is from Adoption #3, which just happened last week.

Sometimes adoption feels like you just want to open up your bank account, your important family documents, and every last detail about your lives, and say to whoever is asking, “Go ahead, just take what you want. Please just leave me some dignity in the end.”

And then, in the middle of the night, your little boy whispers, “I love you, Mommy.”

And you know you would do it as many times as it takes.

Proud to be an Evangelical Orphan Lover

By Amy Medina

On November 2, 2013

In Other

Sometimes I am bewildered.

In the past number of weeks, I have read a number of articles that seem to be distinctly anti-adoption. Have you sensed this too?

There was a really long one about this terrible underground world of “re-homing” difficult adopted children–usually those adopted internationally.

There was the one about how most orphans are not really orphans because their parents have died, but placed in orphanages due to poverty.

There also was the one I have seen a few different times, about how evangelicals are apparently to blame for all of the abuses in international adoption, because of their fervor to adopt orphans. (Oh, those nasty evangelicals….how could they do such a thing?) That article was written by an author who has written an entire book on the subject.

Tomorrow is Orphan Sunday, the day when thousands of evangelical churches will be emphasizing orphan care.

How dare they?

Seriously, I am bewildered. Since when did adoption become a bad thing?

I am not an expert. I do not know very much about adoption in countries other than Tanzania and Ethiopia. But I have a few thoughts on this.

Like every other system in the world, adoption has been tainted by sin. It’s a good thing–a great thing–but there are still people in that system who are corrupt and will use it for their own gain. This does not mean we throw out the system….or blame the people who want to adopt the children! And there are many wonderful organizations out there who are working hard to make sure this corruption is kept at bay. For our Ethiopia adoption, our agency sends out a private investigator to create a video record of the background of each and every child it places for adoption. We can have absolute assurance that everything has been done to research these children. There is always risk, but there are ways to keep it to a minimum.

Let’s talk about those poverty orphans. I think somehow we envision the poor, starving, weeping mother handing her baby over to an orphanage worker, while the orphanage greedily accepts the baby and shoves the mother out into the cold.

Have we ever stopped to think about the fact that most babies placed for adoption in America could be considered “poverty orphans?” Yet do we wring our hands about this and discourage couples from applying to adopt them?

Of course, any mother or father who desires to keep their child should be given every opportunity to do so. Absolutely. No question. Shame on the orphanages who discourage this. I know they exist, but that does not mean that we deem the whole system corrupt.

Poverty is complex. Money alone does not solve poverty. Just like in America, poverty in the third world often includes all kinds of other problems: addictions, family breakdown, abuse. In America, a mother may relinquish her child for adoption even though she loves that child. She wants the child to have a better life than what she can offer him. Can’t an African mother do the same?

There is no easy answer. It is complex.

Or what about the reality that in some countries, many true orphans end up in relatives’ homes where they are treated as second-class citizens? Where they are given food and shelter, but become the house servant? Is it better for such a child to stay with her family, or go to an orphanage?

I think that a problem with Americans in general–not just evangelicals–is that they like a quick fix and an easy answer. In reality, it’s never like that. Which is why orphan care and poverty alleviation need to be long-term and relationship-based and gospel-centered–because that, of course, is the ultimate solution.

But let’s just step back and say for a minute that we’ll only consider true orphans for adoption. Okay. What about them?

What about those that were abandoned in fields or down outhouse pits?

What about those who live in countries ravaged by so much AIDS that there are not enough adults to go around?

What about those girls from countries where female babies are thrown away like trash?

What about the special needs children living in ill-equipped orphanages around the world?

These types of children still exist. In droves. What happens to them?

Yes, we need to work to change cultural attitudes towards girls. Yes, we need to help prevent the spread of AIDS. Yes, we need to help governments to value special needs children. But in the meantime?

Apparently, someone other than evangelicals need to advocate for their adoption.

So. Here are my conclusions as we celebrate Orphan Sunday:

As I have written and continue to write on this blog, strive to help and not hurt when you consider poverty alleviation. Let’s not fixate on orphanages just because they give us the warm fuzzies. If you volunteer at an orphanage or financially support one, ask good questions. Do they strive for family reunification whenever possible? Where does their funding come from? Are they involving the local community and local church in their decisions?

Sponsor a child. Lots of good things come from this, and many times kids get to stay with their families when they otherwise wouldn’t be able to. But not all organizations are alike, so ask good questions in these cases as well. Don’t choose one based on TV commercials. Do your homework.

And above all, please don’t give up on international adoption! It’s gotten harder, all over the world, and I’m sure that’s related to the negative press. But there are still millions of children all over the world who need a family! And if you don’t feel called to it yourself, then look for ways you can support people who do. The adoption process can be really hard, and sometimes it can be even harder to raise an adopted child, depending on the circumstances. The Church needs to get behind these families in better and more tangible ways.

Don’t be afraid, my friends, to advocate for adoption. And my fellow over-zealous evangelicals–I count myself as one of you. Yes, be careful. Ask good questions. Don’t look for quick fixes. But don’t stop advocating for the orphan!

Evangelicals, keep at it. I’m proud to be one of you.

*Note added in 2016: Though I stand behind a lot of what I wrote here, my eyes have been opened to the reality of the corruption involved in international adoption. Please click hereto read what I discovered.