Tag: Adoption Page 7 of 24

Read this if you care about international adoption

On July 8, 2015

Three weeks ago, I found out that illegal inter-country adoptions are taking place in Tanzania. You might have read the rantthat I wrote that night. It’s usually not a good idea to publish blog posts when there is steam coming out your ears and the pulse is visible in your neck. But after yelling into the phone to a friend, she encouraged me to go ahead and write anyway.

Now that I have calmed down, I still have no regrets about what I wrote. But I do have more to say. This message needs to get out into the adoption community. If you have a friend who is considering inter-country adoption, or if you are part of an adoption group or on-line community, will you please share this with them? I want this to spread. This is really, really important.

Call me naive, but I guess I figured that inter-country adoption abuses were happening only by seedy, scummy, dark alley agencies. I figured that people who got hooked in by them were either really ignorant or had bad motives.

But instead, as I started to network with others who had these concerns, and they sent me links to agencies who are doing these adoptions, and families who are paying for them, instead I saw well-designed websites for agencies with experience. I saw beautiful Christian families with fundraising pages saying, “Help bring our Tanzanian baby home!”

So then I went back to the Tanzanian law, and I read it again, and again, and I tried to find the loophole that the agencies claim to have found. But instead, it just became clearer to me. To adopt in Tanzania, you must live here for three years and you must foster (in country) for three months. There are no exceptions. At best, these families and agencies are encouraging Tanzanians to break their own laws, and at worst, they are essentially participating in child-trafficking.

Then I figured, Maybe these agencies just don’t know any better? Maybe someone has lied to them? Maybe they just need to hear the truth?

So I wrote to them. Each of them, personally. I wrote to the families too. I spelled out the law. I begged them to reconsider for the sake of Tanzania and adoptions here. I was respectful and professional.

Yet now, over three weeks later, I have heard nothing. From anyone. No response. Crickets.

And I think, How can they do this? How can they deliberately break another country’s laws?

There’s a word for this; it’s called ethnocentrism. It’s defined as the belief in the inherent superiority of one’s own ethnic group or culture.

That’s got to be what is driving this. These agencies must be thinking: We know what’s best for Tanzania’s children. We don’t care about their country; we don’t care about their government. Tanzania can’t take care of their orphans, so we’re going to step in and do it for them, whether they like it or not.

It’s the ugliest kind of American arrogance. And it makes me sick.

Unfortunately, it’s also made me cynical about inter-country adoption in general. I think about other African countries whose adoption programs have bit the dust: Rwanda, Liberia, now Congo and Uganda and almost Ethiopia. It’s easy to blame the corrupt officials in those countries who ruined these programs, but it makes me wonder how much the agencies are to blame as well.

Listen–I don’t want to heap guilt on the adoptive parents here. If you adopted from one of those countries, you were trusting your agency–and it’s very possible that everything was above board. Plus, I definitely trust God’s sovereignty in all these situations; the kids that came home were meant to come home. At the same time, I don’t want future adoptive parents to unknowingly contribute to corruption. We must stop this.

Now that I have this knowledge, I feel that I must take action. Since the agencies have ignored me, I am going to higher levels of authorities. I am contacting embassies and the accrediting organizations for these agencies. And I will also start by calling them out by name, right here.

These are the agencies I know of who are facilitating illegal Tanzanian adoptions. Please avoid these agencies at all costs, for adoption from any country.

Little Miracles (Texas)

Joshua Tree (Florida)

Life Adoptions Services (California)

International Orphan Aid and Adoption Assistance (EAC)
(Ohio)

A Love Beyond Borders (Colorado)

Faith International Adoptions (Washington)

If you are a parent considering inter-country adoption, please don’t be scared off by this! There are still millions of children out there who need a family, and it is very possible to do this ethically. This is my advice:

1. Start your research with this blog: Parents for Ethical Adoption Reform. I recently learned about PEAR, and wish I had known about it sooner. For example, PEAR was sounding the warning bells about adoptions in Congo years before everything there started falling apart. That information could have spared many parents from incredible heartache. This blog is an invaluable resource for adoptive parents.

2. Research your agency well. Look for the details. Ask questions about their philosophy. Make sure they are Hague certified (though that fact alone doesn’t guarantee anything, since all of the above agencies are Hague certified). Don’t just go with the agency that seems cheapest or fastest.

3. Research adoption in the country you are interested in on your own–don’t just depend on the information your agency gives you. Be very wary of countries who have “just opened up” or which are war-torn or suffering from a natural disaster. As much as those kids need homes, the country will rarely have the infrastructure in place to maintain ethical adoptions. For the sake of all the children in that country, don’t be tempted by an adoption that bends the rules.

4. I believe that a child’s need for a family trumps culture, so I would rather see a child in an American family than stuck in an orphanage in their own country. However, I do not believe that a child’s need for a family trumps truth and justice. Children should not be adopted by breaking another country’s laws. Adoption is no longer honorable when it fuels corruption.

This is an emotional subject. We are talking about children here–orphaned, vulnerable, often with special needs. Each child has a face and a name and a story. Adoption culture often emphasizes making a difference in the life of Just One. We can’t fix the problem for all of them, so let’s just focus on One. I get that mindset. It’s significant.

But we can’t see only the parts without stepping back and looking at the whole. What if, by focusing solely on the One, we make life a whole lot harder for Many? There must be a balance between making a difference in the life of that one child, and yet thinking about the bigger picture as well–the child’s country and government and larger story.

Let’s not allow brokenness to breed more brokenness. Let’s be a part of the solution, not make the problem worse.

Me Too! The Fight to be Seen and the Joy of Seeing

By Amy Medina

On June 28, 2015

In Other

I don’t know what it’s like to give birth to a child. I’ve heard it’s pretty astonishing; the pinnacle of joy, when a child enters the world from your body and you see his face for the first time.

But you know what? I am honestly, genuinely happy for my friends when they have new babies. Not a hint of jealousy. Because I have known an equal joy. Maybe it’s not exactly the same emotion, but I guarantee that the intensity is the same.

Gil and I returned last night from a whirlwind trip to Forever Angels, with the purpose of selecting our next son. The contradicting emotions of feeling both heartbroken and elated clashed against each other the entire time.

The 50+ children at Forever Angels are treasured. Their pictures and hand prints line the walls. They eat well. They each have their own bed. The staff truly love these children and it shows in the way they interact with them. There are scads of short-term volunteers who bring games, songs, face paint, and bubbles into the children’s lives. They do everything they can to show the children they are valuable, loved, cherished.

But still, it is not okay. Because to live in an orphanage means a daily fight against invisibility, a daily fight to be seen.

The children engage in this battle in a variety of different ways. Some have figured out that if they are the smiliest, cheerfullest, and most affectionate, they will get the attention they crave. Others fight–and they fight hard. When a stranger enters the playground, they run to get first dibs on her lap. If they succeed, they fight off–physically–anyone else who dares enter their territory. And if the lap-giver stands up, or gives another child a turn–they scream bloody murder.

Others, I think, have just given up. One little toddler took a turn on my lap yesterday. When I moved her to give a turn to another, she cried a little, and then her expression filled with the most desperate despair. She sat with her back to me, motionless, for a long while.

I held a baby in the tiny baby room–she was just a few weeks old. I filled myself up with a baby fix and then looked around, on instinct, for someone to give her back to. It was a harsh moment to realize that there was no one to return her to. I just laid her gently back in bed.

Most children learn to say Mama or ball or no! as their first words. For these children, they learn first to say Me too! They yell it at the top of their lungs. These past two days, the children saw me as another lap to fight for, but they craved Gil even more. They rarely see men, so they were so excited to find a guy who would swing them around by their feet, wrestle them to the ground, and make them paper airplanes. Me too! Me too! Baba, Me too!

They are beautiful, but many times I could barely hold back the tears. This is not how it should be. Children should not have to fight for attention. Children should not have to fight for a Baba to see them. They should not have to worry about becoming invisible.

Yet our purpose there this weekend was to See One. To see the one who is supposed to be ours, to look up and say, You are the One. You are mine. I see you. Forever.

It was only one, but at least it was One. And it was incredibly obvious to us. The decision was impossible because of all the others who were not chosen, but the decision was easy because we had no question that he was the One.

All of a sudden, this One’s life has completely changed. No longer will he need to fight. No longer will his future be full of uncertainly. He has been seen. He will become a Son. And he doesn’t even know it yet.

So when a mother talks about giving birth as a pinnacle of joy, I believe her. Because I’ve felt it too.

(We haven’t included a picture of our son yet. He won’t get to come home for a few weeks. There is still paperwork to be gathered and the police need to write a report concluding that no relatives can be found. Give us a few weeks, and then we will happily introduce him to you!)

This Day

By Amy Medina

On June 24, 2015

In Adoption

It was one of those ordinary moments that suddenly becomes profound.

A week ago, I was in the Shopper’s Plaza parking lot, and my phone beeped. It was a text message from our social worker. Which orphanage do you choose? Forever Angels?

I quickly texted back: Yes!

I went into the store and starting my grocery shopping. The text kept swirling around in my head. Why would he need that information? He would only need it if he was writing our approval letter, right?

But I was afraid to ask him. I was afraid to hope. After all, it’s been three and a half years since we started on the journey to adopt a fourth child. We had to been told No more times than I can remember. In the past couple of months, we had been given reason to hope that maybe it would happen. But no one in social welfare had ever given us that assurance.

I finished shopping, forgetting half of what I came for, and went home with my thoughts spinning. What are you waiting for? Gil asked me. Just ask him!

So I did. I sent off the text: Does this mean you are writing our approval letter?

Yes.

YES!

And today, I was standing in the Tanzania Revenue Authority, getting our car registration renewed, when I got this text: I have good news for you. I have your letters for your fourth child.

After three and a half years of waiting and longing and despairing and praying, This Day finally came.

We have the letters in our hand.

In the next few days, Gil and I will fly up to Mwanza in northern Tanzania, where we will try to get to know about half dozen adorable, perfect little boys who each desperately need a family.

We will spend about 8 hours with these children, and then we will make our decision. It will be an impossible decision, an unthinkable decision. These boys are around 4-5 years old. We are possibly the last chance for each of them to get a family.

Rejoice with us…..and then pray with us!

After this trip, we’ll still have a wait of about 1-2 months before we came bring him home. But regardless, there was a whole lot of screaming and jumping and dancing in the Medina home today.

It finally happened. We were convinced it wouldn’t, and yet here we are.

Since ancient times, no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides you, who acts on behalf of those who wait for him. (Isaiah 64:4)

Would You Ever Pay a Bribe?

By Amy Medina

On June 23, 2015

In Other

Would you ever pay a bribe?

If you’re like most westerners, you’ve never really had to think about it. You’ve probably never been asked for one. The temptation has never been there. It’s a non-issue.

Consider yourself blessed.

For the majority of the world, the giving and receiving of bribes is commonplace. Happens every day, on every socio-economic level, in just about every aspect of society.

Imagine your child’s public elementary school teacher requiring him to bring a dollar to school every day, or else he won’t be allowed to attend class.

Imagine your high school student being required to pay off her teacher if she expects to pass her exams. Or worse, perform a sexual favor.

Imagine running a printing business, but you never win bids unless you are willing to do the job under the table, tax free.

It’s complicated. Public employees are often grossly underpaid. Sometimes there’s a fine line between a bribe and a tip. In America, we give tips after we have received good service; so is there a huge difference in giving a tip in order to receive good service? In some cultures, it’s seen as the same thing.

So where is the ethical line? These are difficult waters to navigate, that most in the West don’t really need to think about. But for us, regular life. While living here, we have been asked for bribes, subtlety and not-so-subtlety, in a multitude of situations, more than I can count.

Gil and I, from the very beginning of our time in Tanzania, have been rock solid in our refusal to pay bribes or contribute to any kind of corruption. For any reason, in any situation. This has meant that we have sometimes spent a half hour arguing with some sort of official. It’s meant that once I spent an entire day trying to pay a traffic ticket and receive a receipt for it. (I could have paid the officer who pulled me over about $5 and been done in 2 minutes.)

We don’t buy pirated movies, even though they are available on every street corner in Dar (and the only kind of movies available here). When I am quoted a price on a piece of furniture, and then told that if I want a receipt, I will have to pay an additional 20% (the amount of sales tax), I always insist on a receipt. (And depending on what kind of mood I’m in, give them a little lecture as well.)

As Christians, we should be absolutely committed to integrity. But is there ever a time and place when paying bribes is justified? What about Oskar Schindler, rescuing Jews? He paid lots of bribes. What about the people who are smuggling Bibles into North Korea, who regularly bribe border guards? Is that justified? There’s probably no easy answer.

Finding out about the American illegal international adoptions(often by Christians) happening in Tanzania shook me to my core. It’s been a long time since something made me so angry. There is no way this is happening without bribery or other forms of corruption. And I am fighting it this week, by writing personal letters to agencies and families, urging them to reconsider.

Yet I’m sure if I were face to face with these families, or with case workers from these agencies, they would justify what they were doing. Isn’t it worth it to give a child a better life? What hope do these children have? What if they end up on the street? What if they have a condition they could die from in this country? Don’t the ends justify the means?

No. For me, this is an easy answer.

And the difference between this situation and Nazi Germany, or North Korea, is that I still have hope for Tanzania and it’s government. If paying bribes in those situations were justified, it’s because bribes were used as a means of bringing down a government. Yes, there is plenty of corruption going on here. But I believe in the future of this country, and Tanzania’s problems could be helped significantly by eliminating corruption, not contributing to it. Tanzania has adoption laws, and their goal is to protect children, so there is no reason not to follow those laws. Corruption brings down governments. Corruption breeds death. Rescuing a few children, at the expense of millions of others, is just not worth it.

Would I love to see international adoption happening in this country? Yes, especially for special needs children. Does a lot still need to change? Is there still room for reform? Of course. But reform is not going to happen by enabling more corruption.

We Americans wring our hands about poverty and child-trafficking and orphan care. Let’s not make the problem worse by trying to help in the wrong way.

If you ever hear of people pursuing a Tanzanian adoption who are not living here, please put them in touch with me.

Let Me Make Something Extremely Clear: I DO NOT WANT YOU TO ADOPT FROM TANZANIA

By Amy Medina

On June 16, 2015

In Other

I realize that many, many times on this blog, I have been an advocate for international adoption. I have been an advocate for Tanzanian adoption. I have wanted Tanzanian laws to allow more adoptions.

I love Tanzania’s orphans. I want to see more Tanzanians have a heart for adoption. I want to see Tanzanian churches and Christians step up in the area of orphan care and adoption.

But let me make this crystal clear: I would never, ever advocate for someone to adopt a child, from Tanzania or anywhere, by going around the laws of the country.

I discovered yesterday that this is exactly what is happening. There are American adoption agencies, and American families–Christian families–who are attempting to adopt children in Tanzania.

Tanzanian adoption law is extremely clear. You must live in this country for three years before you can apply to adopt. There are no exceptions. You foster a child for six months, and then you apply to legalize the adoption. It always works that way. It’s a slow process, it’s a frustrating process, but it works.

I am horrified…let me reiterate…HORRIFIED…to find out that there are American agencies and families who are trying to get around that process. The only way–the ONLY WAY–that is happening is because major money is being shifted around. I’m sure the families are in the dark about this. They are trusting agencies and orphanages who should know better.

So when I see cute little fundraising pages for American (Christian) families who are raising money for their $30,000 Tanzanian adoption….the frustration, the outrage I feel just cannot be communicated in words.

All three of our adoptions have been incredibly ethical. The process here is slow and frustrating, but it works. It is also FREE, other than lawyers’ fees at the very end. So where do you think the $30,000 is going?

What do you think that kind of corruption will breed?

Sure, you give a kid or two a better life, but what happens when all adoptions in Tanzania are shut down due to corruption?

I care about Tanzania’s orphans, but I also care about Tanzania. I would never, ever endorse an adoption that will only breed more corruption, deceit, and most likely, child trafficking.

Please friends, if you are pursuing an international adoption, ask the hard questions! Be wary of “Pilot Programs” in new countries! Be wary of small agencies who don’t have much experience! Don’t cut corners! It’s just not worth it!

Please, if you know anyone pursuing a Tanzanian adoption (who is not a resident of Tanzania), share this with them. My friends, let us love the orphan. But let us love truth and justice too.

I’m only posting a cute orphan picture because I want people to click on this link. Because seriously, I’m not in the mood for impressing the world with cuteness right now.

*Update January 2016: If you are considering a Tanzanian adoption and found this post through a Google search, please contact me. I have a lot more information that I would love to share with you. amedina(at)reachtanzania(dot)org.

Please also consider reading the series I wrote on adoption corruption, starting here.