Tag: Adoption Page 16 of 23

Wanting to Buy a Little Pink Toothbrush

On May 18, 2011

Monday is our grocery shopping day. As we passed the shampoo, toothpaste, lotion….I paused and examined the children’s toothbrushes. I almost said to the kids, “Let’s pick one out for your sister!”

But I stopped. Too soon, I told myself. Don’t let your heart go. Don’t start planning…yet. In the past few weeks, I’ve thought about going through all of Grace’s stored-up clothes to see what I have in stock for our new little one. I’ve thought about buying her a dresser. Or getting new bibs or cleaning off the pack n’ play. But I haven’t. Because we still don’t have a due date.

Recently we talked with some friends who are interested in Tanzanian adoption. “It’s important to remember,” I told them, “that you must get used to disappointment.”

Today was one of those days. For the past two and half weeks, we’ve been waiting on a police report. The social worker in Mwanza is supposed to send a letter (it’s always about the letters!) to the local police requesting a letter from them which states that the child has been relinquished and is thus available for foster care. Amy H., the director of Forever Angels, told me that the social worker said she made this request of the police the very day after I visited.

So we’ve been waiting for the police report. To get sent to the social worker. Which then gets sent down to the main office in Dar es Salaam. During the past week and a half, Amy kept telling me that the social worker was out of the office at a funeral, and apparently no one else in the office could do anything without her there. But I wasn’t terribly concerned since really, it was the police were who supposed to be writing a letter at this point. Amy was checking daily (she is amazingly persistent) and finally, today, the social worker was back.

She sent me a text. I was so excited to see it was from her. Had the police report been sent?

No. In fact, Amy was sorry to say, the social worker had not even made the request from the police yet (despite telling us she had). She said that the social worker was writing it that very moment (I’m sure Amy made sure of that…I can imagine her, standing over her shoulder until it was done), but that still means that absolutely nothing has happened these past two and a half weeks.

So basically that means there is no way we will have her by the end of May. Maybe by the end of June.

Today, I am tired of being disappointed and feeling rather sorry for myself. I will get over it. I’ve been through this enough times now, and seen so many delays and so many miracles, to know that God is in control of both.

But I’m glad I didn’t buy the toothbrush….yet.

The Birds and the Bees

By Amy Medina

On May 17, 2011

In Other

Talking about where babies come from is tricky when your kids are adopted. Grace, I’m convinced, thinks that all babies come from orphanages. She’ll probably walk up to her kindergarten friends next year and ask them, “So what orphanage are you from?”

Josiah, on the other hand, is just really confused. We’ve been talking about “his baby sister” for months and months (and months) now. But his mama doesn’t have a big belly we can point to and tell him his baby sister is inside. And we have no due date. We just keep talking about it and nothing happens, as far as he’s concerned.

Last week we had friends over for dinner who have a newborn. I was holding the baby, and Josiah carefully examined him. Then he whispered to me, “Is that my baby sister?”

Ummm…no.

Then yesterday, he came into the room with a ball under his shirt. “Look!” he giggled. “It’s my baby sister! And she is coming out!” He grandly pulled the ball out. Then he kicked it across the room. “She can bounce!” He exclaimed. “I can kick her!”

Ummm….uh oh.

Poor kid. He just doesn’t get it. And now I’ve been trying to tell him that actually, his baby sister is not a baby. She’s two years old. She can walk and talk and steal his toys. Of course, this makes absolutely no sense to him.

It will help when we can show Grace and Josiah her picture. We haven’t yet, not until we know the paperwork has been sent to Dar–because then that will mean that it’s pretty much guaranteed we will get her. (After we tell the kids, we’ll tell you–I promise!) And it probably doesn’t help that their Dad and I still can’t agree on a name! But I am really looking forward to taking both kids to the orphanage with us when we go to pick her up, because I think it will help them understand their own adoptions a lot better.

In the meantime, poor Josiah will keep thinking that his baby sister–who is not a baby–will pop out of his tummy someday–or arrive at our house with another family–or brought by a stork, maybe. When you’re three, who knows?

Fighting for Love

By Amy Medina

On April 29, 2011

In Other

Forever Angels Baby Home, at first glance, looks like a really excellent pre-school or day care facility. Bright murals cover every wall. Everything is spotlessly neat and organized. Detailed schedules are laid out on a bulletin board. Safety gates are on every doorway. A beautiful fenced-in garden gives the children plenty of space to play.

But of course, there are differences from a day care center. In the bathroom, there are rows and rows of carefully labeled colored cups and toothbrushes. Each child has a small crib with his or her name on it, and a mosquito net. And these children are not “checked-in” every morning by loving parents. Instead, this place is their whole life.

The children are universally beautiful, healthy (unless they’ve just arrived), and happy. Big eyes, round tummies, loads of giggles. Forever Angels truly is the highest quality orphanage I have witnessed. But it was a bit eerie. I sat down on the lawn yesterday and was instantly covered with about 6 toddlers. One pulling my hair, one climbing on my shoulders, and about four more shoving and squishing and pushing their way into the coveted lap position. Literally instantly. These children know no strangers. Anyone who comes through their gate is a potential source of love and attention. And the most persistent ones tend to get the most. So they learn to persist.

It was both beautiful and strikingly sad. As an adoptive mom, it cuts me open. I was only there for 24 hours, and even that was almost too much. So many children who needs families, and I am only allowed one. There was Zawadi, a petite little fairy princess of a five-year-old, extremely bright, completely-bi-lingual, and a total charmer. She’s old enough now to understand her circumstances, and every time a child gets adopted, she asks the director, “When is a family going to take me?” There was Baraka, a three-year-old with a mischievious grin. He figured out my name and all day reminded me of it. “Amy! Amy! Amy!”

And of course, there was the one we think God has planned for us. I looked into her eyes and she looked into mine….she seeing only another white stranger, someone who would hold her for a day and then disappear, but she was willing to take what she could get. I seeing a daughter, a princess, a whole long future of laughter and conversations and celebrations stretched out in front of me. You have no idea what you are seeing, do you, dear one? I whispered to her. You have no idea how your entire life has just profoundly changed.

I followed her around and stared at her all day; she noticed my attention and flirted back, always checking to see if I was still looking. I always was. Today I had a few hours before I left to come home, and she just wanted me to hold her. She would scream if I put her down. I’m not sentimental enough to think that somehow she knew I was different from the others; I know that she reacts exactly the same way to anyone else who will give her attention. She would fight and screech and shove any other child who would try to touch me or get on my lap.

Dear one, how I long to give you a love that you don’t have to fight for. Soon, soon, hopefully, prayerfully soon! I’m coming back for you, I whispered to her. I know she doesn’t understand. But soon she will.

Labor Pains….and Joy

By Amy Medina

On April 27, 2011

In Other

The social worker in Mwanza wants to meet me and wants me to meet our little girl. She won’t move forward until I go.

So I’m going tomorrow. Booked a flight today, and I’ll be on my way tomorrow morning.

We didn’t plan for this, because it’s a bit expensive, but I’m not complaining. I get to meet my little girl tomorrow. How wonderful is that?

But it will make waiting a lot harder. We met both Grace and Josiah before we got to take them home, and it was torture. I was kind of hoping to keep my distance for a while longer. But now I’m excited. Who wouldn’t be?

Chosen

By Amy Medina

On April 26, 2011

In Adoption

We stared at pictures of little girls and prayed all week. I had emailed the orphanage director with some questions about the children, but due to an email mix-up, we weren’t in communication with her until last night, when we returned from Kenya.

We knew there were three children at Forever Angels that met our specifications (girl, about 2 years old) who were available to adopt. We narrowed it down to two, mostly based on age.

Long about Thursday I asked Gil who he was leaning towards. He told me. She was the same one on my mind.

But it was torturous thinking, honestly. I read this post by the orphanage director on Friday. She wrote about how on that day, they had to transfer two of their beautiful four-year-olds to another orphanage, since Forever Angels only cares for babies and toddlers. Both these little girls were available for adoption. No one took them. Now, most likely, they will spend their whole childhood in an orphanage.

So though I was leaning towards one child in particular as being the best fit for our family, I was haunted by the faces of the others, who could very likely never join families. One child to gain a life of hugs, bedtime stories, an excellent education, a brother and sister, grandparents, and cousins, Disneyland, ticklefests, and toys she will always call her own, and the other child never truly belonging to anyone.

Some people have asked us why we are choosing a toddler this time, instead of a baby. The simple answer to that is that the older a child gets, the less likely he or she will be chosen. Since we’ve already had a baby girl and a baby boy, we decided to choose the oldest child we could and still preserve the “birth order” in our family.

We’d pretty much made our choice, and then last night we heard from the orphanage director. She told us that one of the two little girls we were considering is being pursued for adoption by one of her Tanzanian staff members.

But not the one we had chosen.

Praise the Lord! Not only can we rejoice in the little girl who will join our family, but we can rejoice that the other little one will get a family as well. Just as it should be.

Now….not to disappoint anyone…but we’re still not revealing her identity. There is still a lot of paperwork to be done, and things can go wrong. We’re not even telling our kids who she is until we are as sure as we can be that we will be bringing her home. However, if you want to go through all 49 profiles on the website and try to figure it out, go for it! My mom did, actually (of course), and interestingly enough, God put on her heart the same little girl we had chosen.

And when will we bring her home? Well, when we were at this point with Grace, it took another 4 months (which was very unusual). With Josiah, it took another 6 weeks. It has been a lot faster for some people, but we’ve learned not to get our hopes up too high. We’re hoping for a month. Soon!