Tag: Adoption Page 12 of 23

It feels like a miscarriage.  I had that happen once. 

It’s not the worst pain in the world; it’s not the worst tragedy.  It’s just so disappointing and sad. 

Probably the hardest part is knowing that James’ future is so uncertain.  He can stay at the baby home until he is five; then he will have to transfer to a children’s home.  Some of them are pretty nice places.  Some of them.  And then what happens when he is 18?  What happens to any orphan when they are 18?  So I pray for a family for him. 

I pray that God works in the hearts of Tanzanians to turn them to adoption.  There are some, of course, who are willing to brave the social stigma of having an adopted child.  But only a precious few. 

And I pray that God changes the hearts of those who have the power to change adoption laws in this country.  In the last years, the laws have gotten more restrictive, not less.  Last year, the law was changed to say that any foreigner has to live in this country for three years before they can apply to adopt a child.  And just recently, new regulations have been put in place that restrict the number of adopted children in a family to three.

And that is why we cannot bring home James.  And not only James, but we will not ever be able to adopt in Tanzania again. 

Of course, there are millions of children in other countries who need families, and we will be praying about that and considering our options.  But how sad, how completely sad, that in a country of 3 million orphans–a country we love and cherish–that we cannot give at least one more child a chance at love.

There are many, many things that have happened in these past months, or even these past five years of our adoption journey, that could make a person very bitter and cynical.  But I am choosing to remember that God is sovereign even over governments and the hearts of men.  His plans are greater than mine. 

James was found beaten and bruised, with scars on his tiny 15 pound body.

He was brought to Forever Angels on February 10, 2011 and subsequently given that birthday.  Same as Lily’s.  Exactly one year younger than Lily.

We want him for our family.  We think he would be a perfect fit. 

Normally, I would not post such personal details about a child for everyone to see.  Because it’s James’ story to tell.

But I’m doing it because I want to ask you to please, please pray that God will bring a family for this precious, beautiful little boy. 

Because it’s not going to be us. 

I’m pretty good at poker.

But that’s probably because I’ve never actually played with real money.  I doubt I’d be very good under those circumstances.

Because I am not a risk-taker.  I hate risks. 

And adoption?  Kind of risky.  But at least with my other three, I knew that as long as I persisted long enough, I would get my children.

This time, I have no idea.

I spent all day working on the adoption for that little guy.

It was a really rough day.  I wish I could vent about it, but it would not be very wise for me to do so here.  After all, this is a public blog. 

So let’s just say that after Meeting #1 with Person #1, I left the office in tears, broken-hearted and absolutely infuriated.  I immediately went up one more floor to try to meet with the Big Boss.  He was not in.  His secretary did not know when he would be in.  Tomorrow is a holiday, and next week he is going on vacation.  It’s December 8th, and I would not have another chance to talk to him until January.

I called Amy H. at Forever Angels, then I called our lawyer, and blubbered my way through those conversations.  We made a plan for January.

Since I was already downtown, I walked around, looking for some things I need for HOPAC’s Christmas Fun Day on Saturday.  I was looking for large sheets of plastic to make a Slip n’ Slide, and each shopkeeper kept directing me farther and farther down the street.  When I finally found it, bought it, and made it back to my car, another hour had past.

On a whim, I called the secretary again.  “He’s come back early!”  she told me.  “Come up now!”

So I ran back up the five flights of stairs.  And then I sat there outside his office and waited for two more hours while he was in another meeting.

We talked, I cried again, and he directed me to talk to yet another person, next week.  Someone who will be in the office.

Right before I left, he off-handedly mentioned that he wasn’t supposed to be in the office this afternoon.  He had been in a conference and been sent back early for another reason.

I was happy for that tiny reminder that God is in this.

And I need that, because this is riskier than any of my other adoptions.  I don’t know how this will end up.  So far, it doesn’t look good.  Yet I can’t seem to shake the conviction to keep going.  But I know already, based on my reaction to conversations today, that it will really, really hurt if we hit a dead end.

And I don’t like that. 

But I’m all in.

So here I go. 

So I know it’s been a while since I updated you on that skinny little boy we want to bring home.

We went once….twice….to try to see the big boss and he was not there.  Finally, I got the number of a kind secretary who agreed to let me call her in advance to see if he was in.  And today was the day.

So Gil and I went.  And we talked to him.  And he was indeed kind, and supportive, and interested in our story.  Praise God for this man.

I think it went as well as it could have gone.  We are not totally in the clear yet, because there are a few more channels to get through.  He sent us to see someone else who was not in today.  I will try again on Thursday. 

But maybe, maybe.  It’s looking good.  But I have learned not to get my hopes up too soon.  So those emotions are still stuffed….I’ve gotten good at that! 

Hmmm.

Okay. 

How do I say this? 

The beginning.

Do you remember how I said we fell in love with this little guy? 

No?  You don’t remember absolutely everything I write?

Well then.  We did.  Fall in love with him. 

I guess we fell in love with lots of them.  But this little guy?  Well, I couldn’t stop thinking about him.  And I found out that he is, indeed, available for adoption. So I started praying for a family for him. 

But I never really thought it could be us.  Because all along, all these years, I understood that social welfare only let you foster/adopt one child at a time. 

But then, I ran into our lawyer.  Introduced her to Lily.  Chatted a bit, and on a whim, I asked her, “Does the law state that you can only foster one at a time?”

And she blew me away by saying No.  She said that almost always, it’s the decision of the social workers to only allow one at a time.  But it is not prohibited in the law.  Just like the law does not limit the number of children a family can adopt–even though the social workers usually try to limit it to Two.

But as you know, over a year ago, the big kahuna at social welfare gave us permission to apply for Three.  He is a very good guy.  He is very pro-adoption. 

So we prayed.  And we thought. 

We have always wanted four children.  If we wait until Lily’s adoption is finalized to apply for a fourth, we won’t have time to complete it before our home assignment (two years from now).  So that means that we won’t be able to apply again for three years.  Meaning it could be four years until we get our fourth child.

We would rather not wait that long.

And there’s a little boy who is perfect for us, waiting for a family right now.

Now, don’t jump the gun here and get too excited.  This is a long shot.  Truly.  In fact, I almost didn’t tell you about it because it really is a long shot.  Getting permission to take this little boy (essentially, to foster two unrelated children at once), is almost unprecedented.  There is no law preventing it.  But that doesn’t mean it will happen. 

But we decided to publicize this because the more people are praying, the better. 

So, look at that little face, and pray.  Please!

Gil and I went to social welfare last week.  The person we wanted to see is traveling and won’t be back until November.  So we will go again then.  If he says yes, it would be a matter of months, not years, until we could bring the the little guy home.

Because, of course, our lives are not quite crazy enough yet.