How To Get Everything You Want in Eight Easy Steps: A Guide for Children by Johnny Medina

Step 1:  Ensure you are the youngest of four children.  The youngest of 5 or more children would also be quite effective.  This is essential to getting everything you want.  If you aren’t the youngest of four, and you can’t finagle your parents into adopting you some older brothers and sisters, well then, tough luck.  This plan just won’t work for you.

Step 2:  Lisp.

Step 3:  When you go into a store, don’t ask for anything.  Instead, just act super excited about everything you like.  When your mom tells you to walk away, obey her, but look longingly over your shoulder at the item of your desire.

Step 4:  When you are sharing a bed with your big brother (since guests are in your own bed), crawl over to him, give him a big hug and kiss, and tell him how much you love him.

Step 5:  Be incredibly polite.  Say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ and clean up your toys as soon as you are asked.  Tell your mom that you love her great food.

Step 6:  Attitude is everything.  When you see your mom first thing in the morning, treat her like a movie star.  Practice smiling a lot.  Here’s a good example:

Step 7:  When you do occasionally get in trouble, like for hitting (for example), and you lose your dessert (for example), don’t whine, complain, or throw a fit.  Instead, just put your head in your hands and cry big, sad, crocodile tears (as if your puppy died).  Your mom’s steadfast resolve that was unbreakable for her first three kids?  She’ll just about crack when she sees this.

Step 8:  Even better, do this in front of your grandmother.  She’ll be milquetoast.

And before you know it, you’ll have everything you want!  No one will possibly be able to resist your request for anything short of a million dollars.  Or a pony.

The End.

Something Pretty Cool You Probably Didn’t Know About

This is the Logos Hope.

photo courtesy of the Logos Hope

The Logos Hope is a ship that travels all over the world.  It is home to 400 individuals from all over the world–over 60 countries.  The Logos Hope makes stops in port cities, and offers aid, relief work, and ministry assistance in Jesus’ name.  But the best part–as far as I’m concerned–is the large bookstore on board.  The store carries thousands of titles in dozens of genres.  Now that we have Kindles, we are not as starved for books as we used to be, but this bookstore offers more and better books at far cheaper prices than any other store in Dar es Salaam.

During our first term in Tanzania–about 14 years ago–we had our first introduction to this ship’s predecessor.  So we were really excited to discover that it was coming again.

We went to the port to visit the ship on Sunday afternoon, trying to avoid weekday traffic, but as a result, about half of Dar es Salaam had the same idea.  The bookstore and cafe were crammed with shoulder-to-shoulder people, which would bring out the claustrophobia in anyone.  But it was also really cool to see so many people from so many backgrounds and religions enjoying the bookstore.

If you are at a point in life where you can take off a year or two, consider the awesome opportunity of joining the Logos Hope.  If you are the parent of an older teen, there are also two-month programsavailable.  Sail to dozens of countries and do ministry?  Live on a ship with 400 Christians from around the world?  Sounds pretty amazing to me.

bookstore

cafe

Never Trust a Dead Chicken

Josiah and Johnny came running into the house, slamming the door behind them.  “Leo killed a chicken!”  they yelled.

Not again, I thought.  I peeked out the window, and sure enough, the proud dog had deposited his prize right at the front door.  He looked at us hopefully as it lay there in a heap of feathers.  Um, sorry, Leo.  I’m not as excited about this gift as you are.

Since Gil was out at a training session, and I am quite convinced that disposing of dead chickens is men’s work, I sent a text to our gardener (who lives on our property), asking him to come help.  The chicken most certainly belonged to one of our neighbors before it made the unfortunate appearance in our yard, and would most likely want to be eaten by said neighbor.

The children continued to examine the chicken from the window, and Leo picked it up and started playing with it.  Not wanting chicken guts all over my front porch, I opened the door to tell him off.

In that moment, the dead chicken came to life!  Leaving a trail of feathers and squawking loudly, it headed right past me, through the open door, and into the house.

Bedlam ensued.  I screamed; the kids screamed; the chicken ran one way and the kids ran the other.  I grabbed a broom and headed after the chicken, hollering at Grace to come help me.  We cornered it in the pantry, where it managed to fit itself into every possible nook and cranny.  We finally managed to shove it out the back door, while I hollered at Josiah to tie up the dogs.

In pure chicken-like intelligence, it still ran towards the dogs that had already killed it once.  Grace opened the gate, and while I tried to prod it towards freedom, it promptly keeled over and died.  Again.  Now its head was under its body while I attempted to sweep the lifeless chicken towards the gate.

The chicken, who should be commended for its remarkable tenacity, once again sprang to life.  Thankfully our gardener showed up, and in one deft move, grabbed it by the legs.  He put a ladder up against our outside wall and peered over it, looking for the owner of the infamous chicken. The owner thanked us for rescuing it, but I’m guessing that dead-alive chicken is still going to end up in someone’s pot tonight.

I, however, would be very reluctant to try to put that death-defying chicken into a pot.  Boys and girls, we learned a very important lesson today:  Never trust a dead chicken.

How My Cell Phone Changed My Life in Tanzania (And Not How You Would Expect)

In Tanzania, paying bills used to be a colossal pain.

First of all, this is an entirely cash-based society.  Credit cards are slowly starting to show up, but still very rarely.  So in order to pay any bill, I needed to find cash.  That meant finding a working ATM, which used to be quite a challenge.  ATM’s are more plentiful now, but almost everything still requires cash.

Electricity comes through the LUKU box in our house. Electricity is pre-paid; you get a receipt with a number on it, which you enter into the LUKU box, which recharges your house with electricity.  In order to buy LUKU, I used to have to drive to find a LUKU shop with a working computer.  Sometimes that would require two or three stops.

Paying for internet required a 40-minute drive into town.  Paying the water bill meant a drive to the water company.  Getting airtime on my phone meant picking up phone vouchers at a shop.  Sometimes I felt like my part-time job was paying bills.

I wasn’t sure what it would take for this to change.  Most Tanzanians don’t have a bank account, so the idea of a checking account or credit cards wasn’t going to take off any time soon.  The only postal system is through post office boxes, and again, most Tanzanians don’t have one.  Thus, the traditional western system of bills in the mail would never be an option.  The modern western system of on-line banking is generations away.

So without bank accounts, mailboxes, or credit cards, how would the bill-paying system change?  There is, however, one thing that almost every single Tanzanian does possess–a cell phone.  You can go out into the deepest, remotest reaches of Tanzania (and most of Africa), and find cell phones.  You’ll see the Masai herdsman out in the middle of nowhere with his cattle–and his cell phone.  Even in villages with no electricity, you’ll see shop keepers with a generator or a solar battery, making a business out of charging people’s phones.

Source:  here

So some brilliant people–I don’t know who–established a method of cell phone banking.  Every cell phone in Tanzania–and most other African countries–is connected to a sort of virtual bank account.  It’s not really a bank account–there’s no central institution and no interest accruing.  But I can go to any “Wakala” (Agency)–and they are everywhere–and deposit cash onto the account connected to my phone number.  For my phone service, this is called M-Pesa.  



This system, which has been around for a few years but has become increasingly easier and more accessible, has changed everything.  

Last week, I received my water bill as a text message.  I then went into my M-Pesa account and paid the bill through my phone.  I can purchase LUKU through M-Pesa.  I can pay for internet through M-Pesa.  I have sent money to local newspapers to run advertisements for our training program.  I have paid a hotel bill and an airplane ticket.  I have sent money to an electrician.  Last week, I was collecting money for a group birthday gift, and a bunch of people sent me money through M-Pesa.

And let me get one thing straight.  I have a completely dumb, $25 Nokia phone.  Smart phones are plentiful here; I just have no desire for one.  An American might pay for his water bill on his phone as well–but in reality, he is not using his phone–he is using the internet.  This is not on-line banking; it’s an entirely different system that is totally based on the cell phone.

It’s absolutely brilliant.  This is the kind of innovation that is changing the developing world.  Pay attention.

Once Again, Life is Not Fair.

The thunder woke us up last night.  Shortly after, the power went out.  The noise and the sweating kept us all up for a long while.

For us, big storms are just inconvenient.  The roads are flooded, we can’t get our laundry to dry, and we deal with no electricity.  But as I lay there last night, inconvenienced, I couldn’t help but think about the many in this city–just a few miles from me–who are genuinely suffering because of the rain.

There are tens of thousands of people in this city who live on flood plains.  Every time we get a big storm–and this is the tropics, so that happens often–five feet of sewage fills their homes.  Every year, dozens of people die from flooding.

In just the past few weeks, the government has been trying to get a handle on the flood problem by clearing the flood plains.  Bulldozers are coming in and knocking down thousands of homes.  Most of these people did not own the land, but some have title deeds, sold to them by unscrupulous men who should never have sold it.  Thousands of people are now homeless.  Some have committed suicide.  Some have put up shacks in the places where their homes once stood.

photo source BBC news, here

It would be easy to sit back from a distance and objectively say, “Well, they’ve got to solve the flooding problem somehow.”  But I have a good friend who lives in one of these areas.  She and her family bought their land legitimately, and they have papers to show for it.  They built their house with their own blood, sweat, and tears.  They knew the were in a flood zone, so they elevated the house and built canals for the water.  The area floods, but their house does not.

They’ve created a good life for themselves, as both she and her husband are extremely hard workers.  Just a few weeks ago, they had scrimped and saved enough money to get electricity installed.  They were so proud.

Then, last weekend, some officials came by and painted a bright red X on their house.  Their house has been chosen for demolition.

I’m not casting blame in this situation, either on the government or anyone else.  I don’t fully understand the intricacies of the system, so I don’t know what justice should look like.  My friend tells me that the government has promised to relocate the people who have genuine title deeds.

I’m just sitting here, on my laptop computer, listening to the rain in my watertight house, wondering how I’m going to get my laundry to dry.  I’m thinking about the unfairness of life because I’m not worried about bulldozers suddenly appearing and knocking down my house.  I’m not even worried about my house flooding.

It’s true that disaster strikes the rich and the poor alike, but the poor suffer so much more.  There just does not seem to be any good answers.  I’m conflicted, and sad, and tired.

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