This July 4th, I’m Thankful For My Blue Passport

We have some good friends here who are citizens of Zimbabwe, a country to the south of Tanzania.  Our friends are of European decent, whose ancestors colonized Zimbabwe generations ago.

I am also of European decent, and my ancestors colonized north America generations ago.  However, my colonizing ancestors brought with them European diseases that wiped out 90% of the native American population, whereas the colonizing ancestors of my Zimbabwean friends were held in check by African diseases.  Which meant that even though their ancestors established a government in a foreign land (just like in North America), they never became the majority population.  (Okay, so I know it’s not actually that simple and is certainly quite ugly, but the comparison is interesting.)

Our Zimbabwean friends, like us from America, bear no responsibility for their ancestors’ choices, and yet reap the consequences, whether good or bad.  Unfortunately, Zimbabwe has now been ruled by a tyrant for almost 4 decades, and the country that used to be called “the breadbasket of Africa” has had a complete economic collapse.  So our friends, descended from ancestors much like our own, are left with citizenship from a country that they dearly love, but has nothing left to offer them.  Their children have no hope of attending university or finding jobs in their own country.   They are, in many ways, exiles.  How differently their story of colonialism has ended.

We celebrated the 4th of July yesterday at a friend’s house who threw a big bash and invited people of any nationality.  It felt normal, though, to celebrate America’s independence with non-Americans, since that’s what America has always been about.  And even though the United States still has deep-seated problems with racism and immigration, it has still been the most open country in the world to outsiders.   Every year, even though only several students in HOPAC’s graduating class are American, the majority of our students attend university in the States.  America consistently seeks after international students and offers them the best scholarships–hands down.  I’ve sat in the U.S. embassy in Tanzania and listened to visa interviews.  Everyone wants to go to America.  And a lot of the time, America says yes.

Living here has helped me to have a greater appreciation of my blue American passport.  Unlike many countries in the world, I was able to acquire a passport with no trouble at all.  Unlike other countries, my country allows me to freely come and go.  By giving my children that blue passport, my girls will be given the opportunity to go to college (unlike many in Pakistan or Afghanistan); my sons will not be automatically conscripted into the military (unlike Israel, South Korea, or dozens of others).

It was a fabulous party, but I felt sad yesterday, did you?  These days, it’s hard to know what’s in store for our country.  Could we be heading in the same direction as Zimbabwe?  Living overseas has often increased my frustration with America, but also my appreciation.  It’s never been perfect, but we sure have a whole lot more than most of the world–in opportunity, freedom, and possessions.  I am apprehensive for America’s future.  But for now, I’m still thankful for that blue passport.

A kid with a kid.  

Gil with one of the pastors in our program.
Bet you didn’t drink out of coconuts at your 4th of July celebration.

Missionaries are supposed to suffer….So am I allowed to buy an air conditioner?

It was a very exciting email.  The editor of A Life Overseas had contacted me, asking me to be a monthly contributor to their missions website.  I had previously had two guest posts published on this site, but I didn’t see myself as an equal to the other writers, many of whom have published books.  So it was indeed an honor to be asked.  And now my name is there–listed with all those other wonderful missions writers.

So, of course, I’ll be sharing my “A Life Overseas” posts with you, my favorite readers, since it is your encouragement that keeps me writing.  The posts for this site are aimed at overseas Christian workers, but there’s often a lot there for anyone.  So….[drum roll]….Presenting my first official post as a monthly contributor to “A Life Overseas!”

Missionaries are supposed to suffer….So am I allowed to buy an air conditioner? 

“When you’re standing there on the center of that church stage, surrounded by hundreds of people praying for you, plane tickets in hand, earthly possessions packed into bags exactly 49.9 pounds each, you feel ready to suffer.  Yes!  I am ready to abandon it all!


And then you arrive in your long-awaited country and you realize that in order to host the youth group, you’re going to need a big living room.  And in order to get the translation work done, you need electricity, which means you need a generator.  And in order to learn the language, you’ll need to hire someone to wash your dishes and help with childcare.

Suddenly, you find yourself living in a bigger house than you lived in your home country, but you are ashamed to put pictures of it on Facebook.  You don’t want to admit to your supporters that you spent $1000 on a generator, and heaven forbid people find out that you aren’t doing your own ironing.

Apparently, if you suffer more, you are a better missionary.  Or more godly.  Probably both.”

Click hereto read the whole article.  

God Doesn’t Owe Me the American Dream

I may have spent half my life on the African continent, but I still have the American dream.

It usually comes to me when I am most frustrated with my life here; when I’ve just about had it with the heat or the bugs or the roads.  That’s when my imagination activates, and I picture myself in a quiet American neighborhood, lined with big trees that change with the seasons.  I own my own house; everyone speaks my language; my children ride bikes in the street without fear; I can go to the store and actually find what I need.   And life is peaceful, and safe, and predictable.

The images flit around my consciousness; I rarely stopped to really think about it.  But I recently realized that deep down, I have always assumed that would be my life someday.  That somehow, that sort of life should always be the goal.

I may have lived in Africa for 18 years, but I am still very American.

I was astonished to realize that unconsciously, I believed that the American dream is owed to me.  That God wants it for me.  That because he loves me, therefore I will someday receive the Good Life.  Almost as if it’s a given.  An assumption.

What a lie.

Sometimes I think it’s easy for American Christians to see everything tragic that is happening Out There, and make the assumption that God could never let that happen to us.  That happens to other people, to other nations.  Not to Americans.  Not to American Christians.  As if we are somehow set apart, special, blessed.

I spent my childhood in Liberia, so I still read updates about Liberia and Ebola.  The media has mostly moved on, but Liberia has not.  Today I read, “The poverty that made the 2014 epidemic possible appears to have deepened.  Although the country has fallen out of the headlines….another outbreak is likely.”  And this on top of crushing poverty, farms destroyed, and very little way forward.  “Come down to the ground and ask the survivors themselves whether they are getting the relief,” said [an Ebola survivor], “Life after Ebola is worse than the Ebola virus itself.”

I read recently about Venezuela, with country-wide food shortages; thousands of stores with empty shelves, and families waiting in line for hours for rations.  And then there’s Syria.  And Iraq.  And North Korea.  And countless others.

I know with much certainly that Christians exist in all these countries.  Those chosen and loved and saved by God, who desperately seek after him.  Yet he allows a pastor to lose his wife and children to Ebola.  He allows the Syrian Christian family to be forced to leave their home, their business, their country and become refugees at the complete mercy of others.  He allows the North Korean Christian to be turned over to the torture camps by the betrayal of his own son.

And I think:  Why do I assume this won’t happen to me, to my country?  Sure, I know I am not immune from cancer, from accidents, from tragedy.  But do I really think that God holds America in a special category; that he won’t allow it’s destruction, that he won’t allow my financial ruin, that he will always ensure my country’s safety?

Why do I think that?  Why do I assume that he owes me a peaceful American dream-life, when he doesn’t grant it to almost any other Christian anywhere in the world?

Americans are optimistic people, and we are goal-oriented.  Everything always works out for us, right?  We highly value personal peace and prosperity, and we will do almost anything to gain it or keep it.  But sometimes, American Christians have taken that American mentality and mixed it in with our Christianity.  I absorbed this even though I spent half my life overseas.  Yet how can it be true for Americans, and not true for the Christians in Liberia, or Venezuela, or Syria?

I’ve forced my American dream into my consciousness, cut it apart, and analyzed it with Scripture. God does not owe American Christians anything.  He does not owe me a savings account or health insurance.  He does not guarantee that my children will have the opportunity to go to college and become prosperous citizens.  He does not promise religious freedom, or pleasant vacations, or safety on American streets.  He doesn’t even promise that America will continue to exist as we know it.

Hey, if God has allowed you a beautiful house on a tree-lined street, 2.5 children, and religious freedom, fantastic.  Use it all to his glory.  Maybe that will be my life someday too.  But it’s not an expectation.  I’m not going to assume that America, or the government, or God will make my dreams come true.  Everything I have already been given (which is a lot), I want to hold with an open hand.  My hope is in Christ, my destination is heaven, and nothing in this life is guaranteed. Today I have it; tomorrow I might not.  He gives and takes away.

Does that scare you?  It scares me.  But it shouldn’t.  If Christians all over the world have put their trust in God when running for their lives, or suffering under an oppressive government, or a disease is ravaging their community, then we can too.  Maybe we need to pay better attention to how they do it.

Medina Life, March through June

This term in 4th grade, Grace learned about ancient Greece.
Grade 4 on Greek Day
Josiah’s 2nd grade assembly performing “You Make Me Brave”…and we all cried.

These boys….they adore each other!  (Okay, 95% of the time, but that’s pretty good.)
Lily’s first grade class learned about the Masai this term.

Lily competing in the Bible verse celebration.
Me at the Haven of Peace Academy Board retreat.  Did I ever tell you I’m on the HOPAC board?  Well, I am.  It takes up a good chunk of time, and it’s really important, but doesn’t exactly generate exciting blog posts.  Or exciting blog pictures, for that matter.  
My little Narnian frozen statue.  Grace was thrilled to be a part of “The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe” last month.
Preparing for the great battle against the White Witch.
Running:  The Medina kids all ran this term!  Grace and Josiah both were on the track team, they both ran the 5K and participated in school track days and an inter-school meet.  Lily ran on sports day, and Johnny joined her for the 1K.  We’ve got runners in this family!

Grace was pretty excited about the water station during the 5K.
Josiah, of course, blew us all away.   He’s got a big ol’ collection of ribbons now.  
Delicia Roberson, the beloved music teacher of all my kids, got married.  She had one of the most fun weddings I’ve ever attended, and it was so special that my girls got to be there too.

The HOPAC community at Delicia’s wedding…we kind of took over!
Tag rugby.  Someone needs to come over here and teach my son how to play football so he can try to be American.  
Sports Day.  Go Green House! 

HOPAC graduation:  I got to be an “auntie” in this girl’s life the last few years.  
Last Thursday, on HOPAC’s last day of school.  
Our awesome teammates (and friends), Mark and Alyssa, just left for a six-month home assignment.  We are on our own in the training program until they get back.  We will sure miss them!

Many thanks to Abi Snyder and Rebecca Laarman, who took a lot of these pictures.  

Today is 10 Months Exactly, and We Had Miracles Today

“I don’t want to go back to the Baby Home.”

Today is the first day of summer break.  I told the kids that I wanted to get an organized start to the summer, so we had pulled out all the toy bins and were sorting everything back where it belonged.  (I know, I know, I am that kind of boring Mom….but don’t worry, they got rewarded for their hard work.)

Anyway, it was in the middle of that mess that he said it.  Out of nowhere, in no context whatsoever, Johnny announced, 

“I don’t want to go back to the Baby Home.”

I stopped mid-toy.  I picked him up and asked, “So you want to stay here with us?”

“Yes,” he said decisively.  

It was one of those moments when time stood still.  

As I’ve written before, Johnny has done exceptionally well these last ten months.  He is an easy-going, fun-loving, absolutely adorable child.  But he still has been processing all the loss in his little four-year-old life.  So anytime he saw an airplane, or pictures of Forever Angels, or anytime I would tell him, “You are my Johnny,” he would tell me, “I want to go back to the Baby Home.”

We had the same conversation a hundred times.  I would explain to him that his friends aren’t at the Baby Home anymore, that they have grown up and moved away just like him, that he is with us now and that we will love him forever.  He never got upset about it, but his insistence on going back never wavered.

Until today.  Today, June 17th, exactly 10 months after he came home, Johnny decided that he wants to stay.  

As wonderful as that is, after that, it got even better.

After this brief exchange with Johnny, I turned to my other kids and told them the good news.  “Johnny just told me he doesn’t want to go back to the Baby Home!  He wants to stay with us!”  

Two of my children gave a whoop.  They understood the significance, and did a happy dance.  The third child, standing behind me, said,

“Mommy, there’s water coming out of my eyes.”

I turned and faced this child.  This child, eyes bright and brimming with tears, a face full of wonder and joy.  

This child.  

This child is the one who, out of my four, continues to fight the demons of the past, of an orphanage history that has left the heart broken.  This is the child who wrestles with fierce defensiveness, with uncontrollable emotion.  This is the child who has struggled most with Johnny joining our family, who would have happily sold him on ebay, or probably even given him away for free.  

I have despaired often over this child, who receives far more of my prayers than my other three, who at times seems to be so trapped in pain that it would be impossible to feel empathy towards others.  

Yet this is the one who was crying.  Crying with joy.  

I crouched near to this child. “Oh sweetie,” I said.  “Those are tears!  Those are happy tears!  Are you feeling happy that Johnny doesn’t want to go back to the Baby Home anymore?”  

“Yes!”  And a giggle.

Yes.

Yes!

I’ve got some water coming out of my eyes too.

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