Unexpected Hope

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On October 17, 2009

In Other

A lot of us adoptive families have been networking with each other about these visa issues.

So yesterday morning, when I found out that a family had actually been granted a tourist visa, I just about fell to pieces. With frustration. Infuriation. Why? Because this family was a missionary family, just like us. Not much difference between our situations. There is no logical reason why they would be granted a visa when we were not.

When I got this news, we happened to be on our way to the embassy. We were putting in our application for Grace’s U.S. passport, since she has been a citizen since April. So while we were there we decided to once again bring up the issue of Josiah’s tourist visa.

We talked for a while with the a consular officer–a different one that the person who denied us three weeks ago. Hmmm. Got the distinct impression that maybe, just maybe, this all would have been different if I had interviewed with her that day, instead of the other guy.

But the great news is, that she also told us that once we submit the I-600 application (for Josiah’s citizenship), we could re-apply for a tourist visa and would have a much greater chance of having it granted. Great, great news. Why? Because we thought we would have to wait for that application to be accepted and approved before we could go to the States. And that could take many weeks.

Our I-600 will probably be ready to submit in about a week. Hopefully. I will then immediately make another appointment for a tourist visa interview. And maybe, we’ll get it.

Yesterday I contacted our travel agent and told him to get us reservations for November 15th. Not buying yet, though. We’ll wait this time to buy tickets until we have that visa.

So. Yesterday I was bombarded by conflicting emotions: intense frustration that maybe things could have been different, and intense hope that maybe we won’t have to wait that long after all. And as we all know, “maybe things could have been different” doesn’t really work with God’s sovereignty.

Not quite ready to rejoice about this yet–I’m still too cautious after all the disappointment. But hope….yes, there is hope.

Piece of Heaven

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On October 14, 2009

In Other

This week is HOPAC’s mid-term break. So we went to the beach for a few days. We stayed one night at a beach hotel, and then visited some good friends at the beach house where they were staying. We immediately fell in love with this incredible beach house and decided we need to make our own trip there as soon as possible!

It’s the most amazing house…you can’t see from the picture, but the entire back of the house opens up to join the porch….all looking out to the ocean.

But even more incredible is the beach it is on…probably the most uniquely beautiful beach I have ever laid eyes on.

Waves crashing on the reef, creating huge geysers and hundreds of little water falls….

…filling small pools with warm water, perfect for the kids to play in.

Just fabulous!

Grace and her very best friend Caleb.

My lil’ skinny boy…but he’s getting taller!

Nifty Nerd Night

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On October 10, 2009

In Other

…that is, last Friday night at Youth Group.

The coolest part is that we get to have this much fun and call it our job.

Adorable nerds.

Nerd games: Tangrams, Rubix Cube, Scrabble.

Jedi Fights

Nerd Dance-Off

Secret Nerd Handshakes

The cutest nerds of all.

When Grace found out that we were all dressing up, she insisted on being a princess. Later that night she came to me almost in tears and said, “Mommy, one of the boys said I’m not a nerd!” Hmm…doubt that will break her heart 10 years from now.

October 6th

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On October 6, 2009

In Other

Our plane is leaving today. Except that we’re not on it.

Two weeks ago I wrote that I am trusting in God’s character. And I asked you to keep me accountable to it if we didn’t get on that plane on October 6th. So I guess I better trust, eh? Because the world is watching.

I was worried, but I didn’t really think it wouldn’t happen. At least, not after we got the adoption certificate. That was always the wild card in this thing. Not the visa.

Yet….there goes our plane. And in front of us lies an uncertain process with uncertain timing. I have been working like crazy to collect all the pieces necessary for this application we have to submit. But once it is submitted, we wait. We don’t know for how long. Even the Dar embassy couldn’t tell us because the application gets sent up to the embassy in Nairobi.

I was thinking about how I need to print out new calendar pages. Because the calendar pages I have now say depressing things on them like, “Disneyland with family” and “Luncheon with FCC,” and “Pumpkin Patch with Living Stones.” So I decided to print out new pages for October and November. But not December. “You can have October and November, God,” I thought. “But you’d better not take December from me!”

Ha. Foolish Amy. But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? As if I were the ruler of my universe. Elisabeth Elliot often talked about how anything we love is “material for sacrifice.” That’s what December is for me. Material for sacrifice. Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him…Dear children, keep yourselves from idols.

Today is one of those “what-if-things-had-been-different” days. What if this hadn’t happened? What if we were waiting in the airport right now, ready to board in just a few minutes? What if our family was getting ready to pick us up? How different I would be feeling right now!

I’ve been thinking about another significant date. May 21st, 2005. Another huge disappointment in our lives. The date we lost our first and only biological child to early miscarriage. That baby would have been due the first week of January, 2006. I remember thinking about that baby during that week in January, thinking the same “what-if-things-had-been-different” thoughts.

It wasn’t until 10 months later, when Gil and I brought home our beautiful, precious, 10-month-old Grace, that I realized: She was born at the same time. The same time my biological baby would have been born, my precious Gracie was being born. Yet God chose to take the baby from my womb, and instead place in my arms another precious child—conceived at almost the exact same time. Yet I didn’t know on May 21st; I didn’t know in January. I didn’t know what God had in mind until November 1, 2006.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

Okay, God. I’m trying hard to hold out December with open hands.

I am here for God to send me where He will.

By

On September 25, 2009

In Other

“Jesus Christ demands that there be not the slightest trace of resentment even suppressed in the heart of a disciple when he meets with tyranny and injustice. No enthusiasm will ever stand the strain that Jesus Christ will put upon His worker, only one thing will, and that is a personal relationship to Himself which has gone through the mill of His spring-cleaning until there is only one purpose left—I am here for God to send me where He will. Every other thing may get fogged, but this relationship to Jesus Christ must never be.” ~Oswald Chambers, My Utmost For His Highest, September 25.

It’s hard to describe how exciting it is to go on Home Assignment. I suppose it is akin to anyone who goes home after a year or more of not seeing their family, except that it’s more than just seeing family. It’s the relief of being in a place where everyone speaks English and you know where to find things and you know how to operate in the culture. It’s the joy of being with friends and a church who have known you since you were small…people with permanency…significant since our lives here are so full of short-term relationships. Don’t get me wrong—you who have stuck with this blog for sometime know that I love Tanzania and I do love living here. But there’s just something about going home….

I guess I’m just trying to explain why this has been so crushing for us. The anticipation of counting down days…we were down to 12…to only find out that now there will be a whole lot more than 12. The last few weeks have been a frenzy of activity for me…doing so much to get ready….all of my thoughts centered on October 6th. So today, this morning, I suddenly wondered, “What am I going to do today?” None of the things on my list really matter anymore.

But it’s okay. The disappointment is huge, but this is not a life-long tragedy. One thing I have learned through adoptions is how to wait…and how to deal with disappointment. There have been greater disappointments than this. There is far greater suffering in the world than this.

Yesterday I was putting away all the documents I had brought to the embassy, and took a moment to gaze on Josiah’s adoption certificate. After receiving it a couple weeks ago, I was in such a hurry to get his passport that I didn’t even stop to consider the significance of this green piece of paper. Yet it is so significant! And really, so much more important than a visa! That paper says that Josiah is ours forever—what more could we want?

And God is good. He could have softened the heart of the consular officer; He could have put a different officer in place. He could have had the judge sign Josiah’s adoption order weeks earlier, which would have allowed us the time to apply for Josiah’s citizenship and prevented this delay. He could have; He could have. All of those things are easy for Him. Yet He didn’t, despite hundreds of people’s prayers. So. I trust Him. I trust that He knows what is best.

And already we see His hand….in Gil’s substitute, Lisa, who immediately said she could reschedule and flex with us. What an unexpected praise! In school administrators who said they would work with whatever we needed to do. In the prayers and encouragement of God’s people.

And who knows? My parents have contacted their congressman. Oh my. What could be next in God’s unexpected plan? 🙂

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