Setting Out in the Dark

Even though they are both amazing stories, I wish someone had warned me that it was a bad idea to read Unbroken and Blood Brothers back-to-back.

I’m sure you’ve heard of Unbroken, since it’s a best seller and now a movie.  It is most definitely as mind-blowing and incredible and redemptive as everyone says it is, but you have to get through years of torture and abuse and starvation to get there.

So picking up Blood Brothers right after was probably not the best choice.  This book was a best seller in Germany, but only recently translated to English.  It was written by an MK I knew in Liberia, who grew up on the same compound as me.  I loved the descriptions of a childhood that paralleled my own, but when it got into the Liberian civil war, with its depictions of cannibalism and unfettered rape and children’s heads indiscriminately smashed against walls, I was just about undone.  These things happened on streets that I had walked, to people I had known.

In the middle of this, I read an article on Auschwitz, where 1 million people were murdered.  How is that even possible, that one million people could be murdered in one facility over a period of just a few years?  And then I read another articletitled “ISIS militants are using mentally challenged children as suicide bombers and crucifying others.”

All week, my world was grey.  I felt like I needed my own PTSD counseling.  How can I go about making the bed and watersliding with the kids and dicing up mangoes when such evil exists?  “We have to watch The Office,” I told Gil.  “I can’t sleep with this stuff in my head.”

I can’t, I can’t, I can’t deal with this reality, of what one man is capable of doing to another man, to a pregnant woman, to a baby.  And I can’t deal with the reality that the same depravity lies in my own heart, because we’re not talking about isolated incidents of psychopaths.  We’re talking about the realities on every continent, in every generation.  We can watch The Office all we want, but this is not going away.

And then another book cleared the grey.

I’m reading C.S. Lewis’ The Silver Chair to the kids.  There’s a scene where the evil queen is trying to convince Puddleglum and the children that her black, ugly, hopeless Underworld is the only reality there is, and using her dark magic, she almost succeeds.  At the very last moment, Puddleglum snaps them out of their stupor by announcing:

Suppose we have only dreamed, or made up, all those things–trees and grass and sun and moon and stars and Aslan himself.  Suppose we have.  Then all I can say is that, in that case, the made-up things seem a good deal more important than the real ones.  Suppose this black pit of a kingdom of yours is the only one world.  Well, it strikes me as a pretty poor one.  And that’s a funny thing, when you come to think of it.  We’re just babies making up a game, if you’re right.  But four babies playing a  game can make a play-world which licks your real world hollow.  That’s why I’m going to stand by the play world.  I’m on Aslan’s side even if there isn’t any Aslan to lead it.  I’m going to live as like a Narnian as I can even if there isn’t any Narnia….We’re leaving your court at once and setting out in the dark to spend our lives looking for Overland.  Not that our lives will be very long, I should think; but that’s small loss if the world’s as dull a place as you say.

Yes.  We put up our heads and we set out in the dark.

All these people were still living by faith when they died.  They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance.  And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth.  People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own…They were longing for a better country–a heavenly one.  Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.  (Hebrews 11)

Louie, Michael, and Ben–the main characters in Unbroken and Blood Brothers–they put their bets on Aslan.  Me too.

Six

Milestones are important in adoption.

Last February, when Lily turned five, that meant she had lived with us for the same amount of time that she had lived in the orphanage.  

So last week, when Lily turned six, that meant the scales have tipped in our direction.  She’s now spent the majority of her years as a Medina.  That’s a good feeling.

As amazing as her orphanage was, she still was without a family for two and a half years.  We still feel the effects of that, and she is still struggling to overcome some of that learned behavior.  But we see progress, and it’s always worth it.  

Lily doesn’t do big crowds very well, so we celebrated with just one friend and her family.  She also doesn’t do well with all eyes on her, as you can see below.  

She’s a beautiful little girl, and she’s ours. 

Changing the World, One Tuna Sandwich at a Time

I seem to have always wanted to reject the ordinary.

As a child, my favorite color was green instead of pink.  I refused to wear the stylish clothes my mom bought me, in favor of old hand-me-down dresses.  I didn’t wear a single pair of jeans until I was about sixteen.

When we moved to Liberia when I was six, I wholeheartedly embraced my identity as a Third Culture Kid.  I was thrilled to be different.  Some missionary kids struggle with not fitting into their home cultures; I reveled in the fact that I did not fit in.

I was determined not to live an ordinary life.  In high school, I volunteered to help with a Bible study for disabled kids. I spent summers at a camp for inner-city kids.  I was determined to Change the World.  I wonder now if my motivation was less about loving people and more about my fear of being ordinary.

I was terrified of suburbia and mini-vans.  I am thankful that God in His graciousness is allowing me to spend my life in Africa.  But I’ve discovered that even here, where adventures are much more common, the Ordinary still creeps in.

I’m in that place right now.  We’re involved in ministry that is still trying to get it’s toddler feet on the ground.  My husband spends the bulk of his time studying and preparing for classes.  We have very few cool, exciting stories to tell.

New relationships are coming slower than I want.  Language is coming slower than I want.  I am trying to figure out this new world of having all my children in school, and how I am supposed to divide my time and what I should and shouldn’t commit to.

And every day I make meals and fill water bottles.  We do homework and pick up toys and I do some accounting for our ministry, and I help in my kids’ classrooms, and I go to HOPAC board meetings.  I am busy…..but it is all ordinary.  Even power outages are a routine.

I find myself restless and discontent.  I want more.  I want to do more; I want to be more; I want to accomplish more.  I feel like I must be doing something wrong.

We look for visions from heaven, for earthquakes and thunders of God’s power, and we never dream that all the time God is in the commonplace things and people near us.  If we will do the duty that lies nearest, we shall see Him.  (Oswald Chambers, My Utmost For His Highest, February 7)

Once again,  I must knock down the idol of Being Different.  Am I where God wants me to be?  Am I doing what God wants me to do?  Then I must embrace the Ordinary.  Pick up the toy; make the tuna sandwich; love the person in front of me.

Even though I’ll always like green a whole lot more than pink.

Mungu ni Mwema.

Recently I read here that World Bank development indicators have placed Tanzania the fifth most dangerous place in sub-Saharan Africa for a woman to give birth (out of about 50 countries).

So it was a happy day to visit my friend, Esta, and her brand new baby boy, Emmanuel.  Baby and mama are safe and sound, after a few scares and months of prayers and bed rest and a c-section.

(This picture doesn’t accurately reflect her joy!)

He has the best dimples ever, but he slept so much I just couldn’t get a picture of them.

The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.  

Mungu ni mwema.  God is good.

Comparing Lasagna and Tarantulas

Emily sat in my kitchen last week and watched me make ricotta cheese for lasagna.

“Wow,” she said, “I sure wish I could do that.”

“Well, first of all, it’s ridiculously easy,” I told her.  “But second, you wouldn’t have been able to learn out in the village.  You are too busy living in a house without running water and killing tarantulas.  Besides, out there you don’t even have access to fresh milk or to an oven to make lasagna.  You win the prize for living in Africa.”

“Not compared to Michelle,” she responded, referring to a new friend of ours.  “In Congo, she had to cook over charcoal, and she gave birth to her first child in Africa.  She wins the prize.”

Emily has been my very good friend for 12 years, so this exchange was all light-hearted.  But it led to a deeper conversation.  Why do we always have this tendency to compare?  Why do we always judge our spirituality, or our effectiveness as a mom or wife or housekeeper, by looking around at others?  And why is a harder life necessarily equated with a more spiritual life?

In Africa, we expatriate wives compare each other’s living conditions.  In America, maybe it’s ministry commitments or school choices.  We make unnecessary martyrs of each other and ourselves, when really we need to just get about the business of obeying God with what He has put in front of us.

To choose to suffer means that there is something wrong; to choose God’s will even if it means suffering is a very different thing.  No healthy saint ever chooses suffering; he chooses God’s will, as Jesus did, whether it means suffering or not.  No saint dare interfere with the discipline of suffering in another saint.  (Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest)

Can we simply come to the conclusion that God has called us to different lives, and that we are all gifted differently?  That each of us will have our own good things and hard things in the lives He has called us to?  My measure of success, and my measure of spirituality, is between God and me, not me and Every Other Woman.

Even though I’ll always admire Emily’s tarantula-killing skills.

———————————————————————————

Emily and her family stayed with us this week, which is always super special because our friendship goes back to our first year in Tanzania.  We adopted our kids at almost exactly the same time, and they are all best friends.

They also are starting an extremely cool new agriculture project, which you can check out here.

Grace and Caleb have been friends since we brought them home, so I had to throw in my most favorite picture of them, when they were two years old.  

Yesterday:  Caleb and Grace, age 9

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