My mom always told me that my first full sentence was (with all the attitude a two-year-old can muster), “I can do it myself!”
You could say that the rest of my life has been one big lesson in precisely the opposite: I cannot, actually, do it myself.
Sometimes I can’t even keep a grip on reality. There are times in extreme anxiety when I’ve told Gil or a friend, “When I feel this way, you need to tell me this truth.” Without other people, I wonder if I would even be sane.
Children raised with minimal human interaction are underdeveloped mentally, socially, emotionally. Our very existence is dependent on others.
So isn’t it ironic that in America, we idolize autonomy? Americans love choices. Whether it’s frozen yogurt toppings, owning a gun, getting a vaccine, wearing a mask, or determining your gender, we champion individual decisions. Follow your heart. You be you. Your body, your choice.
Independence is such a part of the air we breathe that we might not realize that it’s not a universal value.
Did you know that when compared with other countries, the “Individualism” score for the United States ranks the highest in the entire world? Autonomy is not a universal value. With few exceptions, every country in the world values connection to family and society more than we do.
I asked a friend from Europe what he found unexpected about American culture. He said, “Going into a sandwich shop and choosing your own toppings.” In Europe, they choose the toppings for you. But here, you can have it your way.
In America, we hand babies a spoon at six months old. We praise the three-year-old who puts on his shoes. “You’re such a big girl!” is the ultimate toddler compliment. But I’ve met Tanzanian mamas who still breastfeed at three and Indian mamas who are still spoon-feeding their four-year-olds. They are in no hurry for their children to gain independence.
Autonomy is not a universal value. So should we step back and evaluate it?
It’s easy to point to the abuses: Cultures where women can’t go to school or are trapped in violent marriages, where lower classes are treated as slaves. Communities languishing under a corrupt government or individuals unable to worship God openly. Of course, this is why we love personal freedom so much. Who wouldn’t?
But how high should autonomy be elevated? In the greatest of ironies, My body, my choice is used by both ends of the political spectrum: those advocating for abortion and those against vaccine mandates. So what happens when society’s ideas of personal autonomy slam into each other?
Instinctually, we know there are limits to personal liberty. Humans are not always awesome at making healthy choices for themselves. So we stage interventions when people get addicted to drugs. We take anorexic teenagers to the hospital. We don’t just blithely sit back and say, Oh well, her body, her choice. If someone is hurting herself, autonomy takes a back seat.
We also recognize that we are responsible for looking after those in our community who have less independence. We reserve parking spaces for the disabled; we set up homeless shelters. We pass laws that require us to report child abuse. A person who sees a mother abusing her baby is not allowed to simply walk by and say, “Well, a baby has no autonomy, so tough luck on him.”
Jesus personified the opposite of autonomy. Loving yourself was assumed; loving God and others were His priorities. Giving up your rights for the sake of others – including your own body – this is the path we were designed to live. Self-discovery, self-worth, self-esteem – these can never be found in personal freedom. Only in self-sacrifice.
But what about the problem of protecting the vulnerable? If we promote self-sacrifice, how do we protect the rape victim, the abused wife, the child bride? Running alongside the same track as self-sacrifice is the concept of human dignity: the idea that every human – whether disabled, on life support, or unborn – has full rights and protection just by being a member of the human race.
It’s hard to argue for this concept without bringing God into the picture, and I get that for some people, that makes it a hard pill to swallow. If humans are just a mutation, and nothing special separates them from rhinos or rutabagas, then it makes sense to be pragmatic. What makes a human valuable is his quality of life and contribution to society. End of story. But, I think, it’s kind of a depressing story.
The God-centered view is inclusive. Human life is set-apart, distinct, in a different category from everything else in the universe. Humankind’s ability to communicate, to dream, to create makes each a reflection of the Divine Himself. And that’s worth protecting.
I realize that this view doesn’t solve all problems. There are incredibly complex factors surrounding situations of unplanned pregnancy or guns or vaccines or any of our freedoms. In a broken world, there will always be exceptions to the ideal. But should the heart of these debates be autonomy? Or the dual values of self-sacrifice and human dignity?
The political pro-life cause has grieved me in recent years. Often only the unborn are worth the fight, while the imprisoned, the immigrant, the poor, and the abused are vilified or ignored. Self-sacrifice and human dignity have not been the focus. So it makes sense why autonomy has taken center stage.
If we want to take back that stage, it can’t be through a megaphone or a meme. We must present the pro-life cause not as a battle to win, but as a worldview on display with our lives.
That worldview is the opposite of autonomy. It’s about lowering myself so that others may rise, denying myself so that others may gain, sacrificing myself so others may live. It’s about celebrating human life, elevating it, and illuminating its beauty. Even when it’s costly. Even in inconvenience. Even in suffering.
“I can do it myself” will always end in ruin. We will begin to truly live only when we realize that the way to find our lives is by giving them up for others. May we manifest this truth in such a way that the world can’t help but be captivated.
With thanks to Nancy Pearcey, who influenced these thoughts considerably.
Photos taken in Tanzania by Gil Medina.
Sue Kapper
Nailed it! Thanks again.