I Wrote a Book

I wrote a book, you guys. I didn’t know if I could actually do it, but I did. I just turned in a manuscript to my publisher, and it’s 65,000 words–around 250 pages–divided into ten chapters. Technically it’s still a draft of a book, so there are many months of editing ahead of me, but it feels like clearing a giant hurdle–hopefully the hardest part.

For the last six months, working on this book has consumed almost all of my free time. My job is full-time (and it’s been busy!), so that meant that I had to squeeze writing into all the extra spaces. I didn’t send out Christmas cards or make Christmas goodies for neighbors and teachers. I missed out on most of the family movies. I reluctantly decided not to attend Urbana.  I watched none of the winter Olympics. I went to fewer of Josiah and Johnny’s soccer games. And I didn’t blog. 

But finding the time wasn’t the biggest obstacle. The hardest part was all the thinking. So much thinking. It filled up my brain to overflowing, as I frantically scribbled down ideas during stoplights or running out of the bathroom before they left my head and were lost forever. I was always, always thinking. I didn’t know that my brain could actually hurt from exertion until I wrote this book. One night after a day that included several hours of writing, I had a dream when it felt like a million voices were trying to talk to me all at once, and the strain of trying to process them all woke me up. 

And then there was the mental battle. So many times, I’d carve out the time to write and then stare at an empty screen, no idea how to start that chapter or that section. I’d have a bunch of notes and a bunch of thoughts, but my perfectionism wouldn’t let me get something out that wasn’t amazing. “Don’t be afraid to write a terrible first draft,” was advice I read once, and it became my mantra. I’d repeat it ad nauseam until I forced myself just to start typing something. After an hour I’d read it back to myself and usually discover that it wasn’t as terrible as I first assumed.

That doesn’t mean it was all great at first. There were two chapters in particular that I struggled with and many times, considered scrapping altogether. I had to constantly fight against thoughts of This is so stupid. Everyone will hate this. No one will want to read it, while mentally writing negative Amazon reviews instead of writing my book. But I wouldn’t let myself give up, and I’d keep praying and thinking and discussing with Gil (who was always so patient and long-suffering) until I got it right. And let me tell you–there have been very few times in my life that have matched the euphoria I felt when I finished a chapter. 

I’ve dreamed about becoming an author for almost my entire life, and I’ve thought seriously about this book for the past three years. I’ve still got a lot more work to do and several more months of waiting, but I can’t wait to share it with you. I wouldn’t have gotten this far without your support and encouragement, my dear readers. Thank you for your part in this too. 

I’m hoping that I’ll have more time in my life and in my head (even with all the editing) to write more in this space again. So please keep coming back! 

Related: I Signed a Book Contract

If you’re curious what my book is about, this post from 2016 is what planted the seed.