I hope you enjoy this conversation with Grace (who is currently 19 and a freshman in college). Like the last time she and I did this, remember that her perspectives are her own and don’t represent all others like her (or even her siblings). But I know you will find her thoughts informative and interesting!
When you were a Tanzanian kid growing up in Tanzania with American parents, what did you know about American Black History? Did you feel any connection with it?
We read books as a family about the black struggle in America, like Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry and The Watsons Go to Birmingham. But I didn’t feel a connection to them. I remember thinking that Harriet Tubman and Frederick Douglas were really cool, but I was not African-American so they weren’t my people.
I knew about the East African slave trade because we visited museums in Zanzibar and Bagamoyo, which were places that were a part of the slave trade. It was flabbergasting to see that it really happened to people, because even now, as a history major, it’s amazing that we as a human race treated other humans like that. But East African slaves did not go to America. [They primarily went to the Middle East or were enslaved within Africa for exports of ivory or other goods.]
Related post: What Your Grandmother’s Piano Had To Do With Slavery in Zanzibar
How did that change when you moved here?
[We moved to the United States in the spring of 2020, shortly before the George Floyd riots that summer.] When we first moved here, I was in Target walking around without Mom, and this guy who was an older white man in a motorized wheelchair, stopped me. He said, “I just want you to know that Black Lives Matter and I believe that.”
I said, “Thank you.” But I wanted to say, “But I’m African.” Because I didn’t feel a connection with the movement at the time.
People assume that I am African-American. I don’t have an African accent; I sound like my parents. My love for other accents may have gotten me into trouble because I do use African-American vernacular all the time. So I can sound as if I’ve been raised in an African-American home. But I don’t always have the heart to explain the entire story, so I let them go ahead and believe that.
When Kisa joined my school sophomore year, that changed a lot for me. [Kisa was an international exchange student from Tanzania.] She helped me to embrace that part of myself and be proud of my identity as a Tanzanian.
How do you see the distinction between African-American and African?
If you have an ancestry of your family coming here due to slavery, then that’s what I count as African-American. African-Americans have their own culture of music and food. There’s also the impact of GI Bills and other forms of racism that have affected them. Things like gang life have been a part of African-American culture but not African immigrants.
African immigrants (like me) have a different culture. They stay much more African.
Does it bother you if people confuse you with African-Americans?
It used to. A lot. Other black people can tell that I’m African but white people can’t. It hurt that people couldn’t see that I was different. But now I just find it as a way to educate people.
One of my best friends grew up here and is white. Just a few weeks ago, we talked about what we were going to do over the weekend. She said, “We should go to the African-American museum and learn about your culture.” And I was like, “I’m not African-American!” I told her, “I’m African with American citizenship,” and she was still confused. She said she thought it was the same thing. But it’s not the same thing at all.
I said, “Maybe we should go to the African-American museum so that you can see what I am not.” It was so shocking because we’ve been friends for such a long time.
In America, we use so many categories like Asian, Latino, African-American, etc, that put people in a category that they’re not.
[My kids are always frustrated that most “ethnicity” drop-down lists on forms only include “African-American” and not African.]
What would be a good question someone could ask you about this?
They could ask, “What kind of Black are you?” I like this question. Maybe it sounds insensitive to some people, though. But I appreciate this question because it shows that they aren’t just putting me in a category.
Another good one is, “Where are your parents from?” Even though I’m adopted, it’s still a good question because it gives me a chance to talk about where I’m from.
I don’t like questions that say, “So you’re like African-American, right?” Statements that make an assumption. I would prefer to be asked than to have people make assumptions.
Some of my TCK [Third Culture Kid] friends have it harder because they’ve lived a life overseas but because they are white, no one can tell. I like that I am different, and I like talking about it. I love seeing the surprise on people’s faces when they hear about my background and want to know more. I love it when people are interested in who I am and my culture.
I love African-American culture. The food, the music, church. I love learning about it. I want to be able to learn more about it so that I can educate people on the different types of Black (just like there are different types of white). I like being able to enlighten people.
What is it like being black in an environment that is mostly white?
The first two years of high school were very rough. I’ve gotten more comfortable with it now. I understand how you felt in Tanzania, Mom, being a minority.
It’s different because I’m not used to having so few people who look like me walking around.
Every single time I walk into an area or a room, I count to see how many other black people are there. It makes me feel better knowing they are there. It reminds me that there are other people out there like me. [Grace will often inform me of these numbers after an event.]
I still count in all my classes at Crafton [her community college]. In all my classes right now, there is one other black person. Each class has at least 50 students.
One of the hardest experiences was during my sophomore year and my basketball team was playing at Aquinas High School. Their entire boys’ team was black, and there was a sea of black parents in the spectators. It made me feel really alone to realize that I didn’t have many black people in my life.
There are other black people in my life. My high school youth group leader was black–she also is a “different” kind of black because she was from the Dominican Republic. She understood what it felt like to be sifted in with all the other African-American people.
I have a more positive look on it now. For some of my white friends, I am the only black friend that they’ve ever had. Which is really weird to think about. Especially coming from my school in Tanzania, where my friends were so diverse. It’s weird to think that my being in a friend group here makes that group more diverse.
So now I look at the perspective that I get to be the “Black Experience” for a lot of people, and I try to make that as beautiful as it can be. There are so many stereotypes around black people as a whole and I want to prove that things that are said about all of us only represent a minute fraction of the black people in the world. Pretty much all of us are vibrant and want to express ourselves and are really great people.
I told you once that your dad and I tried to get jobs at a school in Sacramento, where you would have been in a much more black environment. A couple of years ago, you told me that you were glad that we didn’t go there because you felt like you wouldn’t have fit in there either. Would you say the same thing now?
Yes. African-Americans have a different culture and you can’t just hop in. If you weren’t born into it, you’re not going to fit in it. And that can make things lonely. This is understandable because they take pride in where they came from and who they are.
As much as I felt like an outsider freshman year, I found my people and my friends. If I had gone to school with way more African-American kids, I think it would have taken me way longer.
I feel most comfortable with international kids. So kids who grew up in another country or live with a different culture at home because their parents grew up in another country. Basically, other TCKs (Third Culture Kids). This is why I want to go to Biola, which has a thriving TCK/International Kid program.
In recent years, there has been much more black representation in media. What do you think about this?
I adore the Jane Austen era. My favorite movie is Pride and Prejudice. So one of my other favorite movies is Mr. Malcolm’s List! It’s a Jane Austen-era movie and all the main characters are portrayed by people of color which is SO COOL!
Even though I’m totally aware that it’s imaginary because it’s a period piece and there is no possible way [historically] for the characters to be people of color, it still warms my heart to see it. It really is just something like, “Hey, she looks like me!”
[I watched this movie with Grace and I remember how she gave an audible gasp when she saw Malcolm’s mother, whose hair was in locs like hers.]
Tiana is my favorite Disney princess because she looks like me. It’s bias, is it not? I’m more willing to listen to watch a movie with black actors because I can identify with them so much more. It’s a personal connection.
I think if I only saw white characters, I would see white as being superior to me.
There was a movie where a little black girl drew herself and her family with peach skin because of all the things that she saw that were considered beautiful around her. She thought that was what perfection looked like. Which was so sad because as someone created in the image of God, she was already perfect. That’s why it’s important that I get to see people like me in media, so that I can see myself in a more excellent light because of it. [I think this scene was from a movie about Ruby Bridges.]
Do you feel like you’ve experienced racism?
Not directly. Definitely stereotyping. For example, once I was in a car with kids from youth group on the way to the beach, and the driver–the youth pastor– asked me to pick what we would listen to. One of the kids said, “Does that mean we have to listen to rap?” I was taken aback. Everyone was shocked, I think.
I was thinking, “Wow, do people really say that stuff out loud?” Usually people have a good filter with this, even high schoolers. I might make that joke about myself, but I wondered, “Is that what I look like to him, just because of my skin color?” He knew nothing about me. He assumed that just because I have black skin, rap is my thing. I do like rap music, but my favorite is jazz music by artists like Frank Sinatra and Bing Crosby–white males! I wanted to say, “What would you have picked? Country?”
My youth pastor later pulled me aside and complimented me on how I handled it.
Is there anything else you want to say about these issues?
We are all inherently sinners, and we all have things we think that we should not. With that being said black people can, in fact, be racist. Whether that is towards you or other black people. Then it’s called colorism. Maybe it’s not as bad as slavery and segregation in the U.S., but there are still very much racial crimes committed everywhere. The war on racism is not simply between white people and black people either. Lots of different people of color are racist against each other.
I was bothered by the Super Bowl commercial with Snoop Dog and Tom Brady. Why is it always a Black man against a White man? It sets a precedent that it’s always about Black against White. Racism is a huge deal everywhere in the world. Everyone is capable of it. We need to learn to love each other. This shouldn’t be controversial. This should be common sense. Racism is bad, no matter what. We can avoid so many wars if we don’t have this sense of superiority towards people who are different from us.
I have pride in being both Tanzanian and American. When we begin to believe that we are better than others, that’s when the world spirals downward very quickly.
Related:
Conversations with Grace: American Sprinkled with African
On Transracial Adoption
Dotty Myers
I was born and raised in the US, a descendant of both black slave and white ancestors. I grew up in Philadelphia and everyone assumed I had a Black education. I had 1 black teacher through high school. My black experience was my church and community family. In my high school graduation class of 350,there were only 8 black students. All through my education through college,I was sometimes the only black personin a class. When I went to Tanzania on a short term mission, I was constantly asked what tribe I was from. I got comments you don’t act like an American. Puzzling. In Black culture,many of us do speak proper academic white English and Ebonic dialect. Many tell me you don’t sound Black. Really! I have pride in my African heritage. Many African traditions passed down for generations are evident in my growing up. At the end of the day we are all children of God. Our skin color adapted to the area we lived in. When I have gone to other countries I find a kindred spirit among anyone of African descent. We all came from the same ancestry. Black History is everyone’s history.