Category: Other Page 34 of 180

To the Christians: Is Love Really All You Need?

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On May 19, 2016

In Other

If you had a daughter who was anorexic, what would you do?  Would you let her starve herself to death?  Or would you do absolutely anything to get her healthy again, even if it meant hospitalizing her against her will?

If you had a suicidal friend, would you stand by and watch while he jumped?  Would you think, “Well, I guess this is what he wants, so it must be the best choice for him?”  Or would you wrestle him to the ground if you had to?

What does it mean to love?

Society tells us that love means unconditional acceptance.  Love means tolerance, listening, empathy.  And it means never telling anyone they are wrong.  

Our culture has constructed a new moral law:  Treat others as they want to be treated.  There’s even a name for it:  The Platinum Rule–because it is said to be superior to the Golden Rule.

Treat others as they want to be treated.  Is that love?

But how far does that go?  Do we treat the anorexic or suicidal person the way they want to be treated?  It’s obvious that we do not.  But one could argue that such people are mentally ill.  Yet even our categories of mental illness are changing on a daily basis.

My last post was an apology to non-Christians for our often stark absence of love.  I’ve seen it way too often–on the internet, in our priorities, in how we choose to present ourselves to the world.  But the tricky part is that Christians must define love according to the Bible, not according to our culture.

When Jesus got down in the dirt with the adulterous woman, he stopped those trying to punish her, and instead treated her with kindness and compassion.  But he didn’t end there.  Go and sin no more, he told her.

And that’s where Christians tend to swing between two sides of the pendulum.  They choose the compassion, or they choose the judgment.  Yet to follow in Jesus’ steps, we must have both.

As society continues its plunge into relativism and obsession with feelings, Christians will be more and more despised for our insistence that God’s standard is the best.  Our new reputation as “haters” is difficult to swallow, especially since American Christians have long since enjoyed the reputation as “nice” and “respectable.”  It’s hard to give that up.  The temptation will be to retreat into a cotton candy version of love, which claims that we all know what’s best for ourselves so the best way to love is to never criticize another’s choices.

If we live according to a biblical worldview, then we know that every person on earth is mentally ill.  We might not be anorexic or suicidal, but we all have skewed self-perceptions of ourselves or reality.  So which is more loving–to treat people the way they want to be treated and allow them to self-destruct, or to do everything we can to stop them in their tracks?

I believe that an all-powerful, all-seeing, all-knowing God not only exists, but communicates with us.  I believe that he has set a moral standard for all people, that none of us can meet that standard, but that he will hold us accountable for it.  I believe in a literal heaven and hell.  I believe that Jesus’ death and resurrection opened the only way for me to know God and one day live with God.

If I really, truly believe this, and would stake my life on it, then would it be loving for me to shut up and keep it private?  Would it be loving for me to tell people that they can live their lives any way they choose and God will be okay with it?  Let us not forget that mercy and justice met at the cross.  We cannot preach the cross without including both.  Anything less is to cheapen Jesus’ sacrifice.

So what is love?  If I am certain the Bible is true, if I am confident that it is life-giving, life-transforming, and the greatest treasure on earth, do I let the people around me careen off a cliff without warning them?

The problem is that for far too long, the church has spewed out judgment without compassion.  Justice without mercy.  Many times, we have rightly earned the reputation of being hateful.  But in our quest to love, let’s make sure that we define it correctly.  If we are going to be despised, let’s make sure it’s for the right reasons.

How does the Bible define love?  Love is patient and kind.  Love is sacrificial.  Love initiates relationships.  Love is the first person to help the neighbor in crisis.  Love rearranges her schedule to help the friend.  Love opens her arms to the refugee, the foster child, the single mom, the transgender teen.  Love is hospitable; love is generous with her time, her talents, her finances.  Love humbly remembers that she too is recovering from mental illness.  She gets down in the dirt with those who are hurting.  But when she does,

Love also speaks the Truth.

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As we navigate these culturally tricky times, may I strongly encourage every thinking Christian (or non-Christian) to read Saving Leonardo (at least the first half) and Finding Truth by Nancy Pearcey.  If you are seeking tools to thoughtfully, winsomely engage others in rational discussion about our changing culture, these are incredible resources.  They will change your thinking and your life.

If You are Not a Christian, Please Accept This Apology

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On May 17, 2016

In Other

“Wow, I just changed my strongly held opinion on that issue because of a harsh comment by a stranger on the internet.”

…..said absolutely no one in the history of the universe.



If you do not consider yourself a Christian, this is for you.  Please let me take this opportunity to apologize to you on behalf of Christians everywhere.  Because sometimes, I am mortified to identify myself as one.

I don’t know who these Christians are who love to drop critical comments on internet articles, but they are not me.  And I’m not really sure what exactly they are trying to accomplish when they post such harsh, mean-spirited words.

Do they really think that people are going to care what “God says” about a particular issue, if their readers don’t believe in God?  Do they really think that saying anything in a mean, critical way is going to attract anyone to Jesus Christ?

Sometimes I want to just despair.  Or throw up.

Many times, Christians deserve the reputation of being judgmental, self-righteous prigs.  We have brought that upon ourselves.  We are far too concerned about our needs, our rights, and our safety, and we find it much easier to hold up a picket sign, boycott a company, or leave nasty comment on the internet than to actually get out there and love people.

I must admit that I’m totally perplexed.  Christians say we are followers of Jesus, yet Jesus himself specialized in compassion.  Jesus’ harshest, most condemning words?  They were reserved for the self-righteous religious leaders who loaded people up with legalistic rules.  But the people that society cast out?  Jesus ran to them.  Those who were considered “untouchable?”  Jesus treated them with dignity and respect.  Women, prostitutes, the handicapped, gluttons, drunkards?  Those were his friends.

If you are disgusted with Christians, I don’t blame you.  Jesus said our job is to help hurting people, and sometimes it seems like the best we can do it throw Bible verses at them.  Instead of listening, we criticize.  Instead of compassion, we boycott.  If that’s all you see, why on earth would you be attracted to Jesus?

Now, don’t get me wrong.  I believe there are many Christians out there who are doing just that–living sacrificial lives, loving unconditionally, and being excellent neighbors and co-workers.  Many are my friends.  But unfortunately, they don’t get the attention.  The boycotters and the internet trolls do.

For this, I apologize.  I have no idea why those who bear the name of Jesus could ever think that being mean-spirited and unkind would ever be God’s will for their lives.

However, I realize that I can’t apologize for everything Christians say or do.  You and I are not going to agree on everything.  Christians believe the Bible should be the standard of morality, and that’s going to make some people hate us no matter how we act.  If we’re really living what we believe, then our faith can’t just be something “private” that we don’t talk about.  I hope that there is still room in our society for honest, rational discussion.  But I hope that Christians would pursue the reputation of being kind, gracious, and respectful, even if others disagree with what we have to say.  I hope you might think, Her views seem so wrong, but I just can’t get over how kind she is.  



So will you do me a favor and try to ignore the mean ones?  They don’t represent all of us.  They definitely don’t represent Jesus.  Everyone does need a little Grace in their lives.  I hope that’s what you’ll find here.  I hope that’s what you’ll find in the next Christian you meet.

When Johnny’s Eye Started Bleeding

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On May 2, 2016

In Other

Yesterday evening, our friend Mark and his daughter were over to watch the big game (Leicester vs. Manchester United, for those of you who appreciate these things).  Gil was trying to get the internet to work, and the kids were horsing around in the projector light.

Johnny had on a pair of plastic sunglasses, and he was pretending to rap the way his brother had in a class assembly last week.  Suddenly, we heard him scream.

Kids get hurt and cry all the time, but in those few moments, we realized quickly that this was not just a whiny cry.  And blood was trickling out of Johnny’s eye.  He had jabbed himself with the sunglasses.

Gil and I quickly rushed him to the bathroom.  His eye was bloodshot, and the blood was coming out of the corner.  Seconds later, his eyeball filled with blood.

I snatched my phone and called the emergency number for the medical clinic where we are members.  The doctor asked a few questions and then told us to bring him in.  Mark offered to take our other kids to his house, so we grabbed their toothbrushes and sent them in his car.  I was wearing shorts, which I have never worn out in public in this culture, so in a frenzy I found a wrap and my purse.  Five minutes after the accident, we were out the door.

I held Johnny’s head on my lap in the car while Gil frantically tried to push the car through the ever-present traffic.  About 20 minutes into the 45 minute trip, Johnny stopped crying.  I checked his eye, and it had stopped bleeding.  It was bloodshot and red, but the Darth Maul look was gone.

The doctor confirmed that he would be okay.  The accident had burst a blood vessel, and the blood had come out through his tear ducts, making it look a whole lot worse than it actually was.  We have to watch for infection, but he should be fine.

Though I don’t think about it too often, I’ve always had those what if moments thumping around in the back of my consciousness.  Last night, I wondered if one of those moments was actually happening.  Johnny’s adoption is not yet finalized.  Which means that he is not on our health insurance.  Which means that he doesn’t have a passport, so we would not be able to evacuate him in an emergency.

Though it is improving significantly, high quality healthcare is really limited here.  We are members of a great clinic, which allows us to use their 24-hour emergency number.  This is important because there is no 911, and if you want an ambulance service, you have to pay a hefty monthly fee.  Plus, we’ve never been convinced that an ambulance can get through Dar’s legendary traffic much faster than anyone else.  Anyone who can afford it gets evacuated to Kenya or South Africa in an emergency.

So even with my other children, who are on our insurance and do have passports, I’ve always wondered what exactly we would do in an emergency.  What if there were only minutes to spare?  What if even medical evacuation wasn’t fast enough?

Our kids have always been remarkably healthy, and this was our first semi-emergency for any of them.  In fact, the only other time we’ve used that emergency number in 12 years was for Gil.  But what if.  There’s a family serving in Mongolia–friends of friends–who are dealing with that reality right now with their sweet baby.  It happens.  It could happen to us.

I don’t have much choice, do I?  I can fret over all the things I will never be able to control, or I can trust the God who brought me to Tanzania, who gave me these children, and who knows every time a sparrow dies.  I know that he doesn’t guarantee that my children will always be healthy and safe.  But he does guarantee his presence and his goodness.

So today, I am thankful.  Thankful that we can afford the best clinic in town, that Johnny will be okay, and that my God is good.  All the time.  Even if the ending hadn’t been happy.

Jackson Got Married

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On April 24, 2016

In Other

Jackson is a student in our theological training program.

He and a few others have a ministry where they go to high schools all over Tanzania and teach about God’s plan for sex and marriage.  It’s pretty awesome, especially considering that adultery is pretty much expected around here, even in the church.

So we think Jackson is pretty great.  And when he got engaged to Jehovah, he asked our partners, Mark and Alyssa, to stand in as his surrogate parents for the wedding.  

Which then led to the wedding itself being held at our training center.  

Since in Tanzania, the groom’s friends and family plan the wedding, and Alyssa was the surrogate mother of the groom, she found herself thrust into the middle of wedding planning.  And I got to help her a little bit–in fact, I even had a title:  Secretary to the Mother of the Groom.  It’s a real thing over here, and it meant that I got to give the prayer at the reception.

As the secretary to the mother of the groom, I learned all sorts of important things about weddings in Tanzania, like you must have toothpicks to serve the wedding cake (which led to a mad scramble to find toothpicks), and the parents of the groom are supposed to give a gift to the parents of the bride (which led to a mad scramble to find a gift), and that we better have a pen ready because the marriage certificate is signed during the ceremony.

It was one of those really happy days.

(Gil is not in any of these pictures because he was behind the camera.  Didn’t he do a great job?)

The secretary and the “mother” of the groom
The best dressed guys at the wedding.  (Just don’t mind the shoes.)

His “Aunt” Lauren
Photobomb #1
Photobomb #2 (Johnny ended up in a LOT of pictures)
After the ceremony, pretty much everything is about the dancing.  The bride and groom danced out of the car, the guests danced their way up to present their gifts, and everything in between.

When Her House Was Scheduled for Demolition

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On April 19, 2016

In Other

Lucy came home one day in January to find a large red X spray painted on her house.

This was not the work of some teenage hoodlum.  This was the work of government officials.  And the red X meant that her house was marked for demolition.

Because of a lack of city planning for the last 16 years, the new government is trying to make up for lost time.  Hundreds of thousands of people in this city of 5 million are living on land that was never designated for residential use.  Many of them are squatters.  However, many others, like Lucy and her husband, bought their land legally, fair and square.  Maybe it should never have been sold to them in the first place.  But that wasn’t their fault.

Lucy cooking for us at her house

Lucy’s house is on a flood plain.  She knew that when they bought it, and they have ingeniously built their house to avoid becoming water-logged.  But according to the government, the land is uninhabitable, and needed to be cleared of residents.

Late last year, that’s exactly what happened in other parts of the city.  Thousands of houses were knocked down.  The people who lived there don’t have anywhere else to go, so many of them are now living in shacks on top of the wreckage.  Lucy told me that many of them committed suicide.

So on that fateful day in January when her house was marked, Lucy knew this was not an empty threat.  She knew that her house could be imminently be knocked down.  All the renters in the area immediately moved out.  The owners stayed.  For many of them, their house was all they had.

For Lucy and her family, this house represented years of hard work and laborious saving.  In a country where it’s difficult to get a loan or a mortgage, she and her husband bought their land with cash.  Then they scrimped and saved again, and they built three rooms and an outhouse.  Even though Lucy cooks outside and buys water by the bucket from a neighbor, they are doing pretty well for themselves.  Just a few weeks before the red X appeared, they paid to have electricity installed.

Demolition would mean the loss of everything they have worked for.  And here, there are no safety nets, no insurance plans, no welfare programs.

When Lucy first told me about the red X, a cloud covered her normally sunny personality.  The stress had kept her from sleeping or eating well.  I had no words.  What could I possibly say?  I was weighed down by the utter unfairness of life.

I saw Lucy again a couple of weeks later.  She told me that hundreds of land owners from her neighborhood had made an appeal to the court.  The court promised to let them know in two months if they would get to keep their houses. For two months, anxiety would hang over the entire area.

Lucy’s demeanor, however, had entirely changed.  She told me with confidence, We will be okay.  We are young.  (Lucy is mid-30’s and her husband 10 years older.)  We are strong.  If we have to start over again, we can do it.  God will take care of us.  We are trusting him.

Once again, for entirely different reasons, I was without words.

During those two months, Lucy’s faith did not waver.  She told me that she resonated with the story of Job.  God gives and God takes away, she said.  We will bless the name of the Lord, no matter what happens.  

Lucy had already been well acquainted with suffering.  Her childhood was marked by loss.  Her first pregnancy was twins, and she lost them at seven months gestation because of a doctor’s error.  But when she decided to follow Jesus, there was no turning back.  And her life has reflected him since then, in how she loves her children, in how she loves her neighbors (she always adds extra rice to the pot to feed a few extra kids), her work ethic, and her joy.

My kids and Lucy’s girls

And now, God is evident in her faith.  Even in the likely prospect of losing everything, her faith in her God did not waver.  And as I listened to her and saw her joy, I couldn’t help but wonder if my savings account and my health insurance are keeping me from something I never knew I was missing.

As promised, at the end of March, the court gave their answer:  They decided to reverse the decision.  The houses would not be knocked down.

I rejoiced with Lucy when I heard the news, but I couldn’t help but notice that she didn’t act very differently than she already had been.  She already had her joy; so this good news was just icing on the cake.

A.M. Royden wrote, Learn to hold loosely all that is not eternal.  Colossians says, Set your eyes on things above, not on earthly things.

Lucy helps me see that I still have a long way to go.

Alyssa and I with Lucy on a visit to her house

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