Category: Other Page 16 of 181

How Do I Decide What to Write About?

A reader from Canada asked me to blog about these questions: How do you decide what to write about? How do you know what’s okay to say and what is revealing too much? How do you dance between open communication and respecting your co-worker’s need for privacy? How do you stay connected with home churches without your children feeling like celebrities?

Great questions. Here are my answers:

How do you decide what to write about?

Sometimes ideas present themselves on their own. I wroteNever Trust a Dead Chicken andThe Great Battle of 2016 for Dar es Salaam the same day those thingshappened. I’ve written lots of posts after conversations with my friendAlyssa, because she always makes me think. There’s been many times when I worry I am going to run out of ideas, but then I never do. These days, though, I do run out of time.

I process my thoughts through writing. I discover new thoughts by writing. I see this blog as a journal of my life, so I want to represent all the pieces. That can be tricky, though, which leads me to the next question….

How do you know what’s okay to say and what is revealing too much?

Whew. I wish there was a rule about this one. I don’t exactly know. If I’m writing about something sensitive, I usually pass it by Gil, and sometimes my parents or another friend before I post it. There’s been several times when Gil has asked me to completely re-write a post because I’ve said too much or been too harsh, and I really appreciate that. 

I think ultimately my guide is the gospel. If what I say is going to bring more glory to Jesus, then I don’t mind people seeing into my soul. 


How do you dance between open communication and respecting your co-worker’s need for privacy?

I’ve become a lot more careful about this the longer I have been writing, but I probably still don’t always get it right. I recognize that I am okay with being a whole lot more public about my life than many others are, and I want to respect that. 

I try to be completely anonymous about the people I am writing about, and if not, I ask them ahead of time. For example, when I wrote When Her House Was Scheduled for DemolitionWhen Plan B is God’s Best and When the American Church Fails Its Missionaries, I wrote with the explicit permission of the people I was writing about. In fact, I sent them an early draft and asked them to edit it (which they did). I also asked Nikky for permission to write her story.

These days, I’m also trying to be a lot more careful about what pictures I post, especially of other people’s children. Since I am now a principal, I’m a lot more concerned about how I represent my students. This is hard, because I think HOPAC kids are the cutest in the world and I would love for you to see them! (In fact, if you are a HOPAC parent and don’t mind if I post pictures of your kids, please let me know.)

This is why these days, you’ll see mostly group shots or lots of pictures of the backs of kids’ heads.



How do you stay connected with the home churches without your children feeling like celebrities?

This is pretty much impossible, even if I didn’t blog. I don’t know if there’s any way around MK’s not feeling like celebrities in their home churches.

What’s harder for me is the desire to show that we are not a perfect family, yet remember that my kids’ don’t need their struggles out there for the world to see. I’ve felt this a lot more as they’ve gotten older. So if my pictures and stories about them make it seem like we are a perfect family, well, that’s certainly not true. I want you to see my imperfections, but for now, I will usually avoid telling you about theirs. (Though sometimes I make exceptions.)

I am always open to new ideas! If you have something you would like me to write about, don’t hesitate to let me know.

Let Me Introduce You to My Staff

Book Character Day at Haven of Peace Academy. I can’t think of a better way to introduce you to the extraordinary people I get to work with every day.

Grace is 12 and Lily is 9

I am waaay behind on these pictures, but considering both girls’ parties were late, and we managed to celebrate four birthdays for four kids in four months, I’m still pretty proud of us.

Grace had her party at the HOPAC pool with her class, and since her Daddy is the game-planner-extraordinaire, it was fabulous fun. Belly flop contests, floating watermelon races, and Shital’s red chicken for everyone.

Lily said she wanted a “movie party,” to which we said a whole-hearted AMEN….because what else is easier than a movie party? 

Why is ‘Work’ a Bad Word?

I love my work, and I don’t get paid. These memes make me realize I live an odd life.

For missionaries, salary has never been connected to quantity or type of work. In fact, we don’t technically receive a salary, but a stipend that comes from church donations. Since most of my adult life has been spent as a missionary, this is normal to me, but sometimes I remember that it’s actually rather odd.

Haven of Peace Academy, where I am now serving as elementary school principal, is an extremely high quality institution. I would argue that we offer the best education in Tanzania (admittedly I am biased!). We have almost 400 students (K-12), three full science labs, a 25-meter swimming pool, a huge new library, and just broke ground on a performing arts center.

HOPAC has 500 students on waiting lists. This week, I am in the process of giving assessments to children who want to start kindergarten in August. We have over 60 applications for a class of 23, and there would have been more, but we made December 31 the application deadline. Other schools similar to HOPAC have huge billboards around the city, but HOPAC never needs to do a speck of advertising.

But what’s odd about all of this is that HOPAC doesn’t pay most of their teachers. In fact, because it’s a non-profit school, it’s not legally allowed to pay anyone except Tanzanian citizens. Most of the teaching staff are missionaries. We get some help with housing, but no salary.

So that means that when I took this giant job, Gil and I knew that we would still be living on the same stipend as before. Our standard of living wouldn’t be increasing. But that wasn’t an issue, because our work here has never been connected to our salary.

Most of the staff I work with are living the same way. In fact, for couples where both spouses are on staff, it actually costs them to work at HOPAC, since two-parent working families tend to have more expenses. Even those teachers who are Tanzanian, and thus allowed to receive a salary, could be earning a lot more if they were working somewhere else.

So all of this begs the question, Why on earth are we doing this? Why did I apply for this position when salary wasn’t a part of it? Why are most of the teachers I supervise volunteering for this job?

It’s because mankind was created for work.

Work came before the Fall of Man, not after. Adam was given a job in the Garden. And there’s no reason to believe that in Heaven we’re going to sit around on clouds all day. We’ll be working. Indeed, the sweat and pressure of work is a result of sin, but not work itself.

True, many times we need to understand the value of rest–that’s another conversation. But often, we also need to understand the value of work.  And not just because work is how we eat and pay the mortgage, but the intrinsic value of work–even work we are not paid for.

I lean towards capitalism, so I understand the value of getting paid for a job well done. I know that for the vast majority of the world, if you want to eat, you need a salary. Volunteering usually is not an option. But there is something incredibly freeing about working in a job where salary isn’t connected to work, and it’s taught me a lot about work’s value.

Perhaps part of the reason why it was no big deal to take this position, knowing there was no salary, is because I’ve been working without a salary for years now. Isn’t that what a stay-at-home-mom does? Raising children, volunteering in ministry, creating a home–all of those things are most definitely work, but none receive a salary.

As Christians, should we be equating the value of work with the salary that goes with it? Or can we see work as God meant it to be?

Work is Redemption. Creating music, feeding children, sweeping the floor, caring for the sick, fixing the leaky pipe, plowing the field, cutting hair, coaching the team. All are ways that we redeem a broken world. All are a privilege.

Yet our culture communicates to us that the only purpose of work is to earn money. And that the real goal of life is to earn enough money so that we can entertain ourselves with vacations and Netflix and baseball games and retire as soon as possible.

So often we forget that we have been created for work. 

I think that embracing this is what makes HOPAC such an extraordinary place. Of course, on a very practical note, volunteer staff are what make HOPAC so affordable for so many families. It’s the reason why our fees are half to a third less than any other comparable school in Tanzania. But probably more important is that the staff knows that there is a greater purpose in what we are doing. None of us are in it for money, power, or position–because it’s just not there. We are called to love and serve Jesus–and that makes all of us incredibly devoted to our jobs and students.

I’m especially privileged right now because I get to do a job that I adore. Of course, sometimes work is drudgery, and I’ve been there too. But as Christ-followers who are corporately working together to redeem this world, should we try to do the least amount of work we can get away with? Should it always be about money? Can we instead see work as a way to use our talents, a way to serve others, and a way to bring redemption to the world?

Somebody needs to create a meme about that.

By the way, Haven of Peace Academy is recruiting!

When Did the Church Decide that the Best Way to Attract People is By Looking Perfect?

Am I the only one paranoid and cynical these days? Is every man an abuser? Is every church hiding something?

I think about my upbringing and I realize that I was one of the fortunate ones. My parents were emotionally and economically stable. They disciplined me (I was not an easy kid), but loved me and never went too far. They sheltered me but weren’t afraid to talk about hard things.

The various Christian communities I grew up in were full of warmth and affection. Hypocrisy was rare; I was never asked to keep secrets; I was never abused–not even close.

And I took it all for granted. I assumed that was the norm. Shocking stories were, well, shocking. In general, I believed that Christians and churches and mission organizations were morally upstanding and safe. Why shouldn’t I?

But like I said, I was one of the fortunate ones. The older I’ve gotten, the more I realize that the wholesome and moral picture-perfect life was just a veneer. That lurking beneath the surface of Good American Christianity was far more cancer than I ever understood.

For too many, this realization has caused them to abandon not just the Church, but Jesus as well. Should we be surprised? After the talks about purity rings and modest skirts, church leaders were grooming little girls. Families were taught to pull their children in tighter and tighter, shielding them from the evil out there, while failing to acknowledge the evil within. Bruised men and women were told to forgive and forget. And wickedness was covered up by manicured grass and hearty welcoming handshakes. Why are we surprised so many have left?

When did the Church decide that the best way to attract people is by looking perfect? It certainly didn’t come from Jesus, who got down in the dust with the adulteress, and chose the tax collector and the fisherman (not the rabbis) to be his disciples.

Some churches have tried to be more down-to-earth. The pastor ditches his suit for jeans and the music team brings in drums and huge “Come As You Are” signs are splashed across the entrance. But maybe the watching world isn’t so concerned about jeans and slick music and modern-looking buildings as much as they are about authenticity.

Authenticity is a popular word these days, so I am careful how I use it. I don’t believe that we should be saying, This is the real me, so deal with it. But I do believe we should be communicating, This is the real me, and that’s why I need Jesus. There’s a big difference.

What happens when the Church preaches forgiveness at the expense of justice? What happens when a church claims love and unity as values but all the faces and ages look the same? What happens when the vast majority of the church’s energy is expended only for the people inside its own walls? We can smile, offer free coffee in the foyer, and parade around our well-behaved children, but will we really be living out the gospel to a broken world?

We don’t want to recognize our wretchedness because of pride. We cover up sin to protect our reputations because of pride. And pride is the antithesis of the gospel! 

Why do we so often try to look perfect? Understanding the gospel must start by recognizing our depravity. If we’re already pretty good people, then what’s the purpose of grace? And why on earth then did Jesus need to suffer and die for us?

I’ve lived long enough now that scandals, even within the Church, no longer shock me. But I am consistently discouraged by the stories of churches covering them up. As Rachel Denhollander brilliantly said, “The gospel of Jesus Christ does not need your protection.”

You can lock up a few evil people, but you can’t lock up everyone. As the cancer in our churches continues to rise to the surface, let us not simply pull it out, but look at where it’s rooted in our own hearts.

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