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If you are considering adoption or have adopted or are adopted, read this book.
If you have a family member or friend who is adopting and you want to know how to help them, read this book.
If you are a believer who wants to better understand your identity in Christ, read this book.
I’ve read numerous books on adoption over the years, and this is by far the best. Author Russell Moore starts with our adoption as believers into the family of God. His descriptions are beautiful and powerful and life-changing. Though I don’t agree with every single statement he makes, I still highly recommend this book.
Good stuff:
“In this book I want to call us all to consider how encouraging adoption–whether we adopt or whether we help others adopt–can help us peer into the ancient mystery of our faith in Christ and can help us restore the fracturing unity and the atrophied mission of our congregations.”
“Sometimes people will speak of children who’ve been adopted as prone to having an ‘identity crisis’ at some point in their lives….this kind of crisis of identity isn’t limited to children who’ve been adopted. All of us are looking to discover who we really are, whether we were born into loving homes or abandoned at orphanage doors, whether we were born into stable families or born, like our Lord, in a stable.”
“Imagine for a moment that you’re adopting a child. As you meet with the social worker in the last stage of the process, you’re told that this twelve-year-old has been in and out of psychotherapy since he was three. He persists in burning things and attempting repeatedly to skin kittens alive. He ‘acts out sexually,’ the social worker says, although she doesn’t really fill you in on what that means. She continues with a little family history. This boy’s father, grandfather, great-grandfather, and great-great-grandfather all had histories of violence, ranging from spousal abuse to serial murder….Think for a minute. Would you want this child?
Well, he’s you. And he’s me. That’s what the gospel is telling us. Our birth father has fangs. And left to ourselves, we’ll show ourselves to be as serpentine as he is.”
“Adoption would become a priority in our churches if our churches themselves saw our brotherhood and sisterhood in the church itself rather than in our fleshly identities.”
“The whole universe is now an orphanage.”
“We don’t believe that our new Father will feed us, so we hang on to our scraps and long for the regimented schedules of the orphanage from which we’ve come.”
“The real struggle for me shouldn’t be the occasional rude question about my son’s identity; it should be the ongoing question about my own.”
“Imagine if Christian churches were known as the places where unwanted babies become beloved children.”
“The contemporary Planned Parenthood movement was started by a woman named Margaret Sanger, who defended abortion rights on the basis of eugenics, the search for ‘good genes’ based on the racist and evolutionary notions of ‘social Darwinism’ prevalent in her day. Sanger’s grandson, Alexander, continues her viewpoint, updated with contemporary notions of sociobiology, in virulent opposition to the viability of an adoption culture–on Darwinist grounds. ‘Adoption is counter-intuitive from an evolutionary vantage point of both the biological mother and the adoptive parents,’ Sanger argues. ‘Adoption requires a person to devote time and resources to raising a child that is not genetically related. Adoption puts the future of a child in the control of a stranger.’ It’s easier for a woman to have an abortion, Sanger argues, or for a family to refuse to think about adopting because evolution and biology ‘conspire to thwart adoption. Evolution has programmed women to be nurturers of the children they bear.’ That why, the abortion industry heir contends, adoption ‘as the solution to the abortion problem is a cruel hoax.'”
“What better opportunity for you to model the God who adopts from every tongue, tribe, nation, and language and sets all the children together at the same table with the same inheritance and and the same love?”
When it’s all been said and done
There is just one thing that matters
Did I do my best to live for truth?
Did I live my life for You?
I love being home. I love seeing my family all the time; I love seeing my kids interact with their grandparents. I love being with an amazing church family and so many friends. I love all the options in grocery stores. I love not feeling sweaty all the time. I love being able to sleep at night without fear of armed robbery.
We’ve done a lot of traveling these past few months; all over California. We’ve visited so many homes in many cities. And there are times I feel the pull of this life. Wouldn’t it be nice to live closer to family? Wouldn’t it be nice to live in a small town in the California mountains? Or downtown in a big city? To have my own house? To be able to attend a Bible study for moms?
It does attract me. Long ago, in college, I couldn’t fathom the idea of living in the States. But now that I am married and have kids and have spent a number of years trying to figure out how to live in a third world country, I must say that this life lures me. A couple of weeks ago, as we were on a long drive through the beautiful Northern California mountains, I asked God, “Don’t you want to call us here?” But nope. No call. Not even a smidgen. I couldn’t think of a single reason why God would want us to live there. It was kind of disappointing.
So, I am packing my bags. I am dreading leaving, but I am not dreading going back. Times like this are good, because they make me evaluate and re-evaluate why we are doing what we are doing. Why we would go halfway across the world away from our families and only get to see them every couple of years. Why we would purposely choose a low salary (by American standards only) and be willing to deal with electricity problems and heat and mosquitoes and a culture that we do not understand.
So why is that?
Because it is a perfect fit for us. Because there is a need that we can perfectly fill. And that makes us called.
And thus, I remember
That this life is not all there is. Heaven is yet to come.
That joy comes through sacrifice.
That by losing my life I will save it.
Piper writes, “Missions is gain! Hundredfold gain!”
Amen.
When it’s all been said done
All my treasures will mean nothing
Only what I’ve done for love’s reward
Will stand the test of time
(When It’s All Been Said and Done by Don Moen)
It’s hard enough convincing your small child that she is not the center of the universe. It’s even harder when she is an MK.
I remember being in fourth grade, right before my parents returned to Liberia for their second term, that I walked into my Sunday School class one day and the entire bulletin board was devoted to me. AND they took up a collection that day, AND used it to by a radio for me. Talk about being the center of attention. At least I was old enough to know I was not the center of the universe.
And now it’s happening to my kids, except they are a lot younger. It’s missions month at our home church, and when Grace walked into her Sunday School class yesterday, the bulletin board was devoted to our family. Grace noticed: “Look, Mommy, that’s us!” As if it’s normal to have your family’s picture on your Sunday School class bulletin board. She told me afterwards that the teacher had her show the class where Tanzania is on the map. I said, “What did you say you can do in Tanzania?” She said, “I told them you can play with toys there.”
Whenever we visit someone’s house (which is often these days), our family picture is on the refrigerator. Whenever we go to a church, our family picture is in the hallway. Whenever she sees gifts, she assumes they are for her. They usually are.
Oh my. You are not the center of the universe, child. But I’m sure you don’t believe me.
My brother so politely reminded me the other day that I haven’t been doing much blogging. It’s true. I’ve had blogger’s block. I guess life in the States just hasn’t been giving me as many topics as life in Tanzania.
We have about 6 weeks left of our Home Assignment. Time is going by fast–as it always does–but it has been productive and full. We’re having a great time. Our hearts have been rested and rejuvenated and filled with love and fellowship. Here’s a synopsis of our activities:
- Presenting: Our main “job” while in the States has been to update churches and supporters on our ministry in Dar. So far, we’ve done about 22 formal presentations. We have at least a dozen left. We’ve gotten a bit tired of hearing ourselves talk, but we have to remind ourselves that people listening to us haven’t heard it 21 times before and hopefully still find us interesting. We’ve also had lots of other informal times of fellowship with people.
- Preparation for Presenting: Slideshows developed, prayer cards put together, etc.
- Scheduling: See above. Each presentation takes at least 3 or 4 emails each to get set.
- Doctor and Dentist appointments for all of us.
- Shopping. Massive shopping. I love this, but I am a pretty big cheapskate so it’s hard for me to spend so much money at once! I have to remind myself that I’ve hardly bought anything other than groceries during the last two years, so I’m making up for lost time. What am I shopping for? Clothes in the next two sizes for the kids, new towels, birthday decorations, chocolate chips, Parmesan cheese, pre-school activities for Grace, wet wipes, taco seasoning, school supplies (soccer balls and uniforms, graduation supplies), a juicer, a DVD player, tick repellent for the dogs, sunscreen, hair spray…. there’s more, but that’s all I can think of for now. Some of these things are available in Dar, but it’s so much cheaper to buy them here. We get to take 12 pieces of luggage with us on the plane (for free!), and I guarantee they will all be full!
- Traveling. So far we’ve been to San Dimas, Santa Clarita, Moreno Valley, Long Beach, San Jose, Redding, Concord, and Quincy. All I can say is, thank goodness for those little DVD players that attach to the back of the car seat! Josiah is not a good car traveler. Barney helps significantly.
Let’s see. What else? Lots of great family time. Making up for all the time without grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins. Celebrating lots of birthdays even if it’s not that person’s birthday. (When we celebrated Grace’s birthday three weeks later with my family, Grace said, “It’s my birthday again? I must be turning five!”) I’ve been taking advantage of all the extra family members around to try to get ahead (or rather, caught up!) on my MA classes. Oh yeah, and Gil and I finally started watching “Lost.” Very important, you know, for re-entry into American culture.
We’re soaking it all up. I struggle with the lack of routine. My kids no longer have a schedule or a regular bedtime, but I remind myself that this is just for a season and really, they are doing great. Some days are really busy, but other days are not. My husband is more relaxed than he has been in a long time. God is good. He is filling us up and getting us ready for the next season.
