So thankful
That I have a Mom who is also my friend and example
And that my kids have such a devoted Bibi who brings them tempera paint 10,000 miles across the ocean
And that we had such a wonderful two weeks together.
And that even though we all shed tears this morning as we said good-bye,
that the tears were just confirmation
Of all of the above.
I was reading a book about Rainbow Fish to the kids the other day. Rainbow Fish and his friends needed to go to a “Sea Monster’s Cave” to get something for a sick friend, and all of them were scared. They got each other all worked up about the scary things in the cave, but finally summoned the courage and went anyway. Lo and behold, it was all in their imagination! What they thought were dangerous creatures were really just sharp rocks, seaweed, and friendly fish. And they all lived happily ever after.
And so it struck me: I can think of a handful of other children’s books with the same theme. Scary sounds at night? Just a tree tapping on the window. Monsters under the bed? Just Sully, the big friendly furry blue nice guy who needs your screams. And then there’s Scooby Doo….even though each and every day the monster turned out to be a guy in a costume, each and every day Shaggy and Scooby got scared. When would they learn?
So this is what we teach our children about fear? That there really isn’t anything to be afraid of?
Not just children, I found out. This week I’ve been reading up on Cognitive Therapy for an essay I’m writing for an on-line class. Listen to this:
“List any negative expectations…that may frighten her or negatively influence her behavior….Rank the chances that such an event will happen on a scale from 0 to 100% and then list one to three options that may be appropriate to that expectation.”
The gist: Convince the patient that the odds are against them, and help them come up with options so that they will feel more in control if something bad does happen.
And this one:
“Most life situations are time-limited and specific to that situation. We recommend that you help your patient pull from other areas of his life to learn to view his own situations in different ways.” (Overcoming Depression: A Cognitive Therapy Approach Therapist Guide by Gilson, Mark Freeman, Arthur Yates, M. Jane)
The gist: Convince the patient that life really isn’t all that bad after all. She is just over-reacting.
Just like Rainbow Fish. Scary things aren’t really scary. Bad things aren’t really bad. Everything is going to be okay.
Really? Does anyone really believe that? Who are we kidding?
If that was true, then why do kids still get scared of what’s under their bed? Why do we have such a hard time convincing them?
Because they know we are wrong! They know that scary things do exist. Maybe they can’t describe them; maybe they’ve never seen them, but they know they are there. They know they are not safe. They know that even Mom and Dad can’t protect them completely; they know they are not in control.
And they are right.
The truth is, denial only works part of the time. We can try to convince ourselves that the odds are in our favor, that planes don’t usually crash, that kids don’t usually choke, that boogie men only attack once in a while, but we all know that it could still happen.
Instead, the answer lies in Person. Veggie Tales got it right: God is bigger than the Boogie-Man. Greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world. My Dad is looking out for me. And He’s got all the power in the universe. He’s good; He loves me, and He is in control.
And the answer lies in a Promise: I know that when something bad does happen, it’s because He ordained it. And will use it for good.
And that’s why I can venture into Sea Monster’s Cave.
Introducing: The Newest (And Probably Most Loved) Member of Our Family
After living here for almost 8 years, we finally caved and bought a generator.
It was a struggle. After all, we always told ourselves that since so many people never have electricity, why was it so hard for us to endure power outages? Buying a generator definitely makes us feel weak. And discontent. And demanding.
But we finally decided it was the right thing to do. We do a lot of ministry in our house. We host Youth Group every Friday night; we have people here for dinner at least twice a week; we host overnight guests all the time. 30 teenagers in the dark….nothing good can happen then.
And you know what? It’s hot here. It’s kind of a defining sort of hot. Like, you ask someone, “How are you doing?” And he answers, “Well, I’m hot.” That’s the standard answer. It’s the first thing that comes to your mind when asked to describe your state of mind. It’s like Florida in the summer, but it lasts six months…or longer. My face is always shiny; my hair is always in a pony tail. So fans are a basic necessity to function. If you really want to be productive, air conditioning is the way to go…but these days, I’ll settle for even fans.
Tanzania always has power problems. But this year….this year will go down in history. People are saying, “It hasn’t been this bad since 2006.” Power rationing started over three months ago. Meaning, the power doesn’t just go off when a line goes down or something goes wrong. It means the power goes off because the power company cuts it off–it can’t produce enough electricity for the country. And it’s increasingly gotten worse. Now, it’s like clockwork. Every other day, it’s off from 8:00 am to 6:00 pm, and on the other days it’s off from 6:00 pm to 11:00 pm.
I have to tell you, it’s rough right now. For months, the power problems were the first thing anyone talked about. Our students complained about it on Facebook every day. Now, people are just tired. Hot, tired, and worn out. People don’t talk about it anymore because what else is there to say? We just look tired. We don’t sleep as well; we don’t work as well. HOPAC has a generator which can only run the lights and fans–no air conditioning. And on days like these, that makes teaching really, really hard. You can’t keep anything in the fridge; unless you have a gas stove, you can’t cook. You have to constantly be thinking about plugging in your phone or your computer to keep them charged.
But of course, that’s nothing compared to how it’s affecting all the small businesses in the country. The tailors, the welders, the carpenters, the mechanics. There’s a small store down the road which I like to frequent; they lost their entire freezer of ice cream. You know what that does financially to a small store like that? It’s discouraging and disheartening to see.
I can’t tell you how much our generator has made a difference in our lives in the last few weeks. I can’t run it all day; gas is too expensive. But I turn it on for 3 hours during the day so that Josiah can nap and I can get some work done and do some laundry. And we run it when the cuts come in the evenings. It’s helped our stress levels significantly and I am so thankful God provided the means to buy it. But our country is in a crisis–a hot, slow, suffocating crisis, and it’s hard to wait for relief.
Gil teaches a photography class.
He sent out a notice to the HOPAC community that his students would like to take advertisement-type pictures for businesses….for free.
So we got invited to Fantasyland….for free. In exchange for photos.
Seriously, almost like Disneyland. Well, except for the roller coasters and food and Disney characters and shows and fireworks and stores full of overpriced souvenirs. But they do have some things Disneyland doesn’t have. Like inflatable jumpers. And donkey rides. And sand. Lots and lots of sand.
It was Princess and Pirate day. Grace, Josiah, and Gabriel (who we brought with us) were the only little kids there. So they got the royal treatment.
That’s Josiah stuck to the velcro wall. I laugh every time I see this picture.
And this is how Gil treats students who don’t behave.
If you could choose the gender of your next child, would you?
What about if you could space the births of your children in exactly the way you choose? Or if you could pick out your child’s temperment? Even their looks?
Would you?
I suppose that with genetic engineering, some of that is already happening. And how do we respond? That’s God’s category! we say. Don’t mess with God! And we admit God knows what He is doing, right? Because if we could make our families the way we wanted, we would probably screw it up. Right? Of course right.
But what if the choice was there, and if you didn’t choose, a government worker who doesn’t know you did the choosing for you? Chose your child’s gender, birthday, looks, temperment, etc? Would you choose then, because you would say to yourself, Well, if someone has to choose, then it had better be me.
What would you do?
Trust me. It feels really, really weird.
In Grace’s case, we didn’t have an specifications. We told our lawyer, “Any child under a year.” She is the one who matched us up with Grace. In Josiah’s case, we asked for a boy. Social welfare gave us the name of an orphanage. They told us, “Go pick.” There were five baby boys under a year. And yes, it was weird.
And now we are here again. Social welfare this time has told us, “Pick the orphanage; we’ll pick the child.” But we all know that it’s quite possible we can “suggest” a particular child, and that’s who we’ll get.
How do you pick a child out of 2 million who need a family? How do you take one and leave the rest? How do you choose knowing that you will profoundly change the child’s life, and your life, forever? It feels like playing God. We’re not supposed to pick our children. Children are God’s gifts; we get who He gives us and we love those we get. Yet since we can pick, shouldn’t we? Since we have a choice, then of course we’re going to think about gender and how we want to space our children’s ages. So that narrows it down….what then?
I will go to the district office on Thursday. I will tell her which orphanage we want; and most likely I will tell her a Name. Maybe two or three, and let them choose.
Weirdness. Pray for us. With both of our kids, we saw God’s hand of Sovereignty in placing them in our family. Will you pray that He does it again? Because of course, we believe that no matter who does the “choosing,” ultimately it is God who decides.
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