Thankful that my daughter has never known hunger, neglect, or abuse.
Thankful that even though she was not with us, she was in such a good place.
Thankful that even though her life began with such tragedy, God kept her safe until He put her in our family. Many, many children do not have that luxury.
During the years of 2003-2005, Gil and I got finagled into leading the college group at our church. It turned out to be some of our favorite years of ministry–ever. We loved working with college students–so open, so interested (and interesting), so passionate and willing to listen. So appreciative.
It’s ironic, because Gil and I always said that our least favorite age group to work with was high school students. And so….how did we end up at HOPAC for 8 years? Well, basically because HOPAC kids are different than your average high school student.
But it’s still ironic.
And we’ve always looked back wistfully on those college ministry years.
Well, lo and behold, guess what? If you work with high school students long enough, pretty soon they become….
COLLEGE STUDENTS!
And they go away for the school year, but come back for the summer! And then we get to play with them and have long deep talks with them and have a glorious time with college students!
It’s so fun. We love summer.
And so this summer it’s been wonderful spending time with Hannah, Sarthak, Savannah, Bernice, Iksheeta, Lucy, and especially lots of time with Kyung Ho and Lotta (who lived with us for the last month). But what’s even more fun about these college students is that we have known them and taught them and been a part of their lives since they were 10 years old. So that makes it even more of a blessing when we can have real-life, adult conversations with them.
Lotta showing us all her Dartmouth pictures
And college students are crazy enough to do crazy things with my crazy husband like spend the night camping in a game park with lions and tigers and bears, oh my. He didn’t even bother asking me if I wanted to go.
The one on the right actually just turned 34 years old on Wednesday. But I know you can’t really tell.
Yesterday and today were public holidays because of Eid. Gil took Grace and Josiah to go see the Smurf movie. Lily and I stayed home. (We decided she’s not quite ready for Smurfs yet).
I was doing some office work in my room, so I brought Lily with me along with a basket of play dishes and food.
She carefully took everything out of the basket. Examined it with solemn eyes. Stacked it. Brought me some delicious food to try.
She found a marker in the basket and started coloring on the frying pan. I quickly pulled out a piece of paper and asked her to color on that instead.
After about 15 minutes, she picked up each and every toy and put it back in the basket. Set it aside. She put the piece of paper back to where she had seen me take it out. Stood up, crossed her skinny little arms, and stared at me. Yep. Crossed her arms.
“Are you all done?” I asked.
Nod.
“Do you want to play with something else?”
Nod.
I’m not sure if my other kids ever voluntarily picked up their toys at age 2. (Or age 5). Well, at least this kid is tidy.
That is the question of the day.
So. I will attempt to answer.
One week ago we all met our Lily. One week ago tomorrow, we brought her home.
Bringing home a 2 1/2 year old is significantly different from bringing home a 9 month old. At nine months, my other kids still needed to bond, just like Lily. They still needed to figure out that I was their Mommy. Lily does too. But Grace and Josiah were babies. They were totally dependent on me. They had not fully developed their own will or have their own opinions.
But Lily has lived for 2 1/2 years. In the same place, with the same routine. She has no concept of a Mommy. She has been cared for exceedingly well; she has had all her physical needs met; she has had many, many people show love to her. She is almost completely potty-trained (that’s nice!), she knows how to feed herself, and she is starting to talk (some English, some Swahili). She understands most of what I say to her, and if not, she usually understands if I switch to Swahili.
Just like I did to help Grace and Josiah bond with me, I am making sure she doesn’t leave my side, I am limiting the other people she interacts with, and only I (or Gil) take care of all her physical needs. She has already started calling me ‘Mommy.’ But does she know what that means?
The hardest part is that she is typically two and can be a little pill. She certainly knows how to throw a tantrum. But how do you discipline a child who doesn’t have that bond of trust with you? Yet how can you allow a two-year-old to get away with whatever she wants?
That is my tension right now. Sometimes I feel elated; we are finally a family of five; our wait is over; it finally happened! And other times it feels very, very odd…..I have a stranger in the house. And she is moody and demanding and sees my other children only as objects of competition. She has a bad cold with chest congestion that keeps her (and us) up at night. She is frightened of the dogs and startles herself awake and starts screaming from disorientation. I am simultaneously filled with compassion, pity, love, frustration, and feeling overwhelmed. That’s how it’s going.
A friend of mine here in Tanzania adopted two girls when they were ages 2 and 4, a number of years ago. Her family is wonderful and beautiful. I asked her what was her advice on bonding and settling and forming this new family. She laughed. “Time,” she said.
I know all about waiting. So I nod my head, smile, and I wait.
First, a little about Forever Angels Baby Home. I wrote about this wonderful place when I first got to meet Lily. That time you got to hear about it with my words; now I’ll let you see it through Gil’s camera. Be prepared to be impressed.
Their capacity is 50 children. They are always over capacity.
Every child is treated with love, respect, and individual attention.
Rows of individually labeled toothbrushes and cups
Something like 400 diapers a day…..
And then there’s the children. The beautiful, amazing, resilient children.
Tuckered out
Skinny Little Sweetie. Sigh. Gil and I really fell in love with him.
I have no words.
The children hang all over anyone around.
He needs a Daddy, doesn’t he?
Grace was almost offered a job. She pushed kids on swings, gave them piggy back rides, and chased them around. Such a fantastic big sister!
Just one of the many reasons I love this man
Amy H., the incredible founder and director of Forever Angels. She helped us in so many ways and is such an amazing advocate for these children (not to mention, she’s adopted 5 of them herself).
One of the qualifications for being a Forever Angels volunteer is a willingness to be a human jungle gym.
Now….
More about our Lily.
So many have commented on the beautiful pictures of our precious Lily. But I must admit, they are not entirely realistic. Coaxing smiles out of her has been hard work. Since we came for her, she has been pretty solemn and quiet….certainly trying to process everything new in her little life. She’s smiling in the pictures in the previous post because I had just given her some sparkly pink shoes, not because she’s happy she has a family! I know that many more smiles are in her future, but I don’t want to give you an unrealistic picture of toddler adoption! This picture is much more representative of the Lily we see.
Sisters getting to know each other
Josiah kept “petting” her and saying, “She’s so cuuute!”
And here’s the Lily we are just getting glimpses of….a prelude of what is to come!
I asked her, “Where is Daddy?”
And you can see the response.
God is good.
Powered by WordPress & Theme by Anders Norén
