Category: Adoption Page 8 of 9

Grace Abounding

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On April 25, 2012

In Adoption

There was a time in my life when the first thing I did every
morning was take my temperature. 

Every month, I hoped. 
And every month, I cried.

The worst months were the ones when I was a couple of days
late.  The waiting was torture, and I let
my imagination get completely out of control. 
What would my parents’ faces look like when we told them the good
news?  Would it be a girl or a boy?  What would we name her? 

And then, the next day, only to be crushed again. 

I went through dozens of pregnancy tests.  Dozens. 
It’s a good thing I could find them at the 99Cent store. 

And then God brought us
Grace, and I was thrilled because brown babies were always a part of our
plan.  The part of me that craved being a Mommy was filled up to the brim.   

But every month, I still hoped. 

Then Josiah came, and I was getting older, and I remember
asking Gil one day, “Will you have regrets if I never get pregnant and we never
did any procedure to help it along?”  And
he thought about it a while and came back with a definitive No.

And I knew by then that No was my answer too.  But I knew I needed to ask it of myself,
because we live in a country where “getting help” is not a possibility, yet I
did not want to live with regret. 

But I realized that God’s grace had filled me up.  And that I didn’t really pay attention to
what happened each month any more.

Then my addiction started. 
Instead of craving a child from my womb, all I wanted was more brown babies:  the ones who were helpless and hopeless and
desperately needed a Mommy.

And after Lily came, and we started to think about James and
then about bringing a baby into our family from another country, I suddenly
realized something.

I was afraid of getting pregnant.

Afraid because I thought it could mess up our plans for
bringing home another orphan.  And
suddenly, I was facing every month with relief at not being pregnant, instead of disappointment.

And that, right there, my friends, is the abounding Grace of
God.

That He could take my pain, and my shame that started so
many years ago, and turn it around so completely and entirely and fully—that
can only be the Grace of God. 

Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the
desires of your heart. 

Or rather, He will change your desires and make them
His. 

He is the God of redemption.

He makes beauty from ashes.

He brings over-abundant joy from pain. 

And I am in awe.

(Just to clarify—I do know it could still happen to me.  It’s been 8 years of “not preventing” and I
am now 35, so I’m guessing it won’t—but I know God does crazy things.  And if He does, well, of course, we will
rejoice.  But that’s really not the
point.)

How’s It Going? Part 2

By

On September 14, 2011

In Adoption

If those of you in California hear a child screaming in the far distance, it’s probably Lily.  That kid has unbelievably loud vocal cords.  So if you hear her, say a prayer for me.

If I tell her that she’s had enough milk for now, she throws herself to the ground and screams.

If I tell her it’s time to go and she does not want to go, well….screaming.

If we are at school and my hands are full so I can’t pick her up, she turns herself into jelly-legs and makes herself a puddle on the sidewalk.  I pick her up by the arm and drag her along, forcing her to walk, and she screams.  I’m sure every student on campus thinks I am torturing the child. 

And then there’s World War III, which has broken out between Josiah and Lily.  If he just “happens” to bump into her (which “accidentally” happens multiple times a day), screaming ensues.  Then Josiah gets punished and he tries to compete with her in volume.  In the last couple of days, she has attempted to retaliate by coming at him with her teeth.  I discovered I have a vampire child. 

All three of my children are in major transition right now.  Grace loves school but comes home exhausted and emotional, Lily is adjusting to…..everything, and Josiah…well, Josiah tells me every day, “I don’t love my sister.  I want a brother.”  And once again I explain that a brother wouldn’t be any different and that he must show love even if he doesn’t feel it.

Of course, it’s not all bad.  It’s a delight to see her discover things for the first time.  Her joy in taking a bubble bath.  The way that she asks me all day long, “What is dat?”  The hug she gave me yesterday which for the first time, felt personal, and not just because I was the closest person around to give it.  Amusement from watching her turn down hotdogs and chips because she’s never had them before (But the girl can wolf down a PB&J!)  Hearing from a friend about how Josiah tenderly cared for her in the back row while I was speaking in assembly on Monday.  Her complete love affair with shoes and sunglasses. 

She is a typical two-year-old in so many ways.  I know that the tantrums are totally normal for her age.  And I realize that she used to be in a place that was completely child-friendly and had very clear boundaries, so she was rarely told, “Don’t touch that.”  She had a schedule she was familiar with, she ate food she had grown up on, and she rarely, if ever, went to new places.  Now she is being bombarded with new places and people and experiences, yet she is being given all kinds of new restrictions.  And the sinful two-year-old within her does not like those restrictions! 

The hardest part for me is disciplining her when we don’t have a relationship.  It kind of feels like disciplining someone else’s kid–of course she isn’t going to respond well!  Two-year-olds are trying to gain independence from their caregivers, and she has that instinct, yet she is pulling away from something that has never really been established in her life.  I constantly beg God for wisdom.  When she cries, is she just being stubborn and need to be disciplined?  Is she grieving and need to be comforted?  Is she afraid and need reassurance?  When does she need grace and when does she need law? 

It’s not easy.  But I’m guessing that bringing home a newborn isn’t easy either.  Is it worth it?  No question.  Would I do it again?  I’m already thinking about it. 

Her big brother just did something silly and Lily giggled.  He said, “Mommy, I like to make my baby sister laugh!”

Of course it’s worth it. 

One Less Orphan

By

On August 24, 2011

In Adoption

We’ll start with these for today.  Lots more will come later.  🙂

Chosen

By

On April 26, 2011

In Adoption

We stared at pictures of little girls and prayed all week.  I had emailed the orphanage director with some questions about the children, but due to an email mix-up, we weren’t in communication with her until last night, when we returned from Kenya. 

We knew there were three children at Forever Angels that met our specifications (girl, about 2 years old) who were available to adopt.  We narrowed it down to two, mostly based on age.

Long about Thursday I asked Gil who he was leaning towards.  He told me.  She was the same one on my mind. 

But it was torturous thinking, honestly.  I read this post by the orphanage director on Friday.  She wrote about how on that day, they had to transfer two of their beautiful four-year-olds to another orphanage, since Forever Angels only cares for babies and toddlers.  Both these little girls were available for adoption.  No one took them.  Now, most likely, they will spend their whole childhood in an orphanage. 

So though I was leaning towards one child in particular as being the best fit for our family, I was haunted by the faces of the others, who could very likely never join families.  One child to gain a life of hugs, bedtime stories, an excellent education, a brother and sister, grandparents, and cousins, Disneyland, ticklefests, and toys she will always call her own, and the other child never truly belonging to anyone. 

Some people have asked us why we are choosing a toddler this time, instead of a baby.  The simple answer to that is that the older a child gets, the less likely he or she will be chosen.  Since we’ve already had a baby girl and a baby boy, we decided to choose the oldest child we could and still preserve the “birth order” in our family. 

We’d pretty much made our choice, and then last night we heard from the orphanage director.  She told us that one of the two little girls we were considering is being pursued for adoption by one of her Tanzanian staff members. 

But not the one we had chosen.

Praise the Lord!  Not only can we rejoice in the little girl who will join our family, but we can rejoice that the other little one will get a family as well.  Just as it should be. 

Now….not to disappoint anyone…but we’re still not revealing her identity.  There is still a lot of paperwork to be done, and things can go wrong.  We’re not even telling our kids who she is until we are as sure as we can be that we will be bringing her home.  However, if you want to go through all 49 profiles on the website and try to figure it out, go for it!  My mom did, actually (of course), and interestingly enough, God put on her heart the same little girl we had chosen. 

And when will we bring her home?  Well, when we were at this point with Grace, it took another 4 months (which was very unusual).  With Josiah, it took another 6 weeks.  It has been a lot faster for some people, but we’ve learned not to get our hopes up too high.  We’re hoping for a month.  Soon!

Orphans and Former Orphans

By

On April 15, 2011

In Adoption

Service Emphasis Week (SEW) has got to be one of the very best things about HOPAC.  This year secondary students spread out all over Tanzania on 17 different teams…to build water filters, run kids’ camps, teach English, serve disabled people, teach computer classes…and the list goes on. 

Gil led the team that went to Agape Children’s Village in Morogoro, a city about 3 hours from here.  So the kids and I joined him, and we took 12 HOPAC students to serve the 28 kids there for 5 days. 

Love these trips.  The students step up.  In leadership.  In love.  In service.  The kids shower their adoration on these teenagers who are willing to give of themselves to them.  It’s beautiful to watch.

Visiting orphanages is not a new thing for me.  But visiting them with my two children, who were once orphans, was quite a profound experience.  In each child’s face, I saw the faces of my children.  Neither of my children came from this orphanage, but if they had not been adopted, they would have grown up much the same way.

I often imagined Grace there, as a resident, not a visitor.   Her head shaved, instead of full of braids and beads.  Eating ugali with her hands instead of a spoon.  Her eyes with a yellow tinge from malnutrition or too many bouts of malaria.  Speaking only Swahili.  Helping to wash her clothes by hand, making her little bed in the morning, and putting away her meager possessions. 

Would she still be as full of life?  As confident as she is now?  As gregarious?  Would she love to laugh as much as she does in our family?  How different would she be without a mama, her Daddy, her brother?  How would her mind be different without the plethora of experiences she has had…if her whole life revolved around three buildings and a nearby school?  

She would be such a different person that I don’t know if I would recognize her.  Yet that person could have been, if not for the sovereign hand of God in her life.  And millions of children in Tanzania are living that life.  The differences are stark. 

And yet….what would I be like, had I not been adopted into His family?

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