Author: Amy Medina Page 78 of 233

The Gift Bag

By

On March 23, 2016

In Other

In order to break the solemnity of the last two weeks on this blog, I offer you the following:

Last week, I needed to buy 76 liters (20 gallons) of ice cream for an all-school event at HOPAC.  So I headed out to our local grocery store and asked the manager if I could order 76 liters of vanilla ice cream to pick up on Friday morning.  After all, this is not Costco.  This store doesn’t normally carry that much ice cream.

The manager and I got the order all sorted out, and then he re-appeared with a plastic grocery bag tied at the top with a shiny ribbon.  This is a thank-you gift, he told me.

Now, before I show you the contents, let me assure you that I am not complaining.  Customer service is not assumed around here, so I was quite pleased that the manager thought to extend this gift to me.

But I was also quite amused.

The gift bag contained:

1 box of popcorn

1 box of chocolate cookies

2 small jars of mayonnaise, one of them expired

11 trial sized toothpaste tubes in two flavors:  Neem, and Salt/Lemon (What?  You don’t use those flavors?)

1 energy drink

1 can of ginger beer

1 container of mint mentoes

2 containers of strawberry tic-tacs

1 Spiderman top

1 unidentifiable triangular toy  

But the very best item of all was this:

This, my friends, is a very handy kitchen tool meant for microwaving apples.

I know you are jealous.

We unfortunately do not own a microwave, though I’m not sure that cooking apples in a microwave has ever been a top priority.

You know what this means, don’t you?  I now have in my possession the most perfect White Elephant Gift ever.  Shhh…..don’t tell anybody.

Everything is Broken

By

On March 21, 2016

In Other

We were mingling in the courtyard after church.  I was trying to keep track of my kids and was slightly distracted when the woman approached me.

I spent the first few moments trying to figure out if I knew her, since I’m still desperately trying to put names with faces at this church.  But when I realized she was only using Swahili with me, I figured I had never met her, since almost everyone at this church speaks English.  I shook her hand and smiled.

I’m looking for work, she told me.  Please, I’m looking for work.  I need to pay my son’s school fees. He’s in Form 4.  Do you have any work for me?  I can take care of your children.  I can wash your clothes.  I can sweep your house.   She spoke quickly and eagerly.

I gave her a sad smile.  I’m so sorry, I said.  I don’t have any work for you.  I already have someone who works for me.  I will pray that God helps you, I said.

Please, she said.  Tell me if you know someone who needs work.  I need to pay my son’s school fees.

Okay, I said.  I’ll let you know if I find someone.

But I knew I wouldn’t.  Because I’m already trying to help someone else find work.  Because I get this request all the time.  Because there’s 40% unemployment in this city.

I am so tired.

Meaningless! Utterly Meaningless!  Everything is meaningless!  What do people gain from all their labors at which they toil under the sun? (Ecclesiastes 1:2)

I realized last week, as more people read my blog than ever before, that my most popular posts have criticized short-term missions, revealed the ugly flaws of missionaries, and torn apart international adoption.

Great.

I was one of those idealists in college.  You know the type–with their flushed cheeks and sparkly eyes, passion in their voices, volunteering for all sorts of noble causes.  I was going to change the world.  I never wavered in my ambitions, and I signed on to become a full-time missionary when I was all of 21 years old.

I think of all my confidence in so many solutions that I was sure were the answer.   And here I am at 39.  Fourteen years as a missionary in three different ministries.  Yet sometimes I feel like all I have seen is various forms of brokenness….in the problems, of course, but also in what I thought were the solutions.  And in myself.

All streams flow into the sea, yet the sea is never full.  (Ecc. 1:7)

In the last few months, we’ve been devastated by massive brokenness in our mission leadership and in our Tanzanian church leadership.  We cry; we question; we rage.  We keep going, but it feels like everyone around me is limping.

All things are wearisome, more than one can say. (Ecc. 1:8)

I am just so tired.

I could choose to deny the reality of this brokenness.  I could watch a lot of television and eat a lot of chocolate and choose to turn my back on this reality.  I could try that, if I avoided the news and stayed at home all day.  Yet all I have to do is go to church and I meet a woman who can’t afford to send her son to school.

Or I could descend into despair.  Many do, and it beckons me.  Sometimes the temptation is strong.

Or I could look to this Sunday.

I can look–once again–to my confidence that Jesus existed, that I can trust what the Bible says about him, that he really did enter into our madness to bring us hope.  I can remind myself that his death and resurrection really were the pinnacle of history, the axis around which everything else revolves, and the assurance that all really will be made right some day.

Jesus really is the only reason I have hope.  Without him, this world is just some cruel joke, some accidental freak of nature that will, eventually, disintegrate back into nothingness.  Why try to fight it?  Without him, denial or despair are my only options.

I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race.  He has made everything beautiful in its time.  He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.  (Ecc. 3:10-11)

Because of Sunday, I can have hope that he makes all things beautiful:  failed missionary efforts, corrupt adoption, desperate mothers in poverty.  I can have hope that eternity does exist, that God does know what he is doing, and that one day, it will all make sense.  I can get up in the morning and know that everything I do has purpose, that my small story is part of one grand story, and that this tragedy most certainly will have a happy ending.

Part 7: Is There Hope in This Mess We’ve Made?

By

On March 15, 2016

In Other

Start here:  

Part 1:  The Evidence

Part 2:  Where Did We Go Wrong?

Part 3:  The Horror That is Called Child Harvesting

Part 4:  Pure Religion is to Look After Orphans (and Widows?)

Part 5:  God Told Me To…Or Maybe He Didn’t

Part 6:  What About the Children Who Really Do Need Adoption?

A few years ago, we began the process to adopt a child from Ethiopia.  We did the homestudy; we filled in the ridiculous amount of paperwork and spent a ridiculous amount of money; we went through the on-line training.  We requested a healthy baby or toddler boy.  Our dossier was sent to Ethiopia….and then in the wake of the huge adoption slowdown in that country, our agency lost its license.  Eventually, for a number of reasons, we gave up.

I’ve thought about that experience a lot as I have been doing this research, and how close we came to being directly involved with everything I read about.

A friend recently shared with me the story of her adopted daughter from Ethiopia, who is now an adult.  She was adopted as a small child, and their agency told them that their daughter’s family was untraceable.  Yet a few years later through a big coincidence, she and her husband were able to track down their daughter’s birth family in Ethiopia, and get into contact with them.  



What they found out forever changed their perspective on international adoption.  They discovered that their daughter was indeed an orphan, but was being raised by an aunt and uncle who loved her and her older brother.  One day, social workers came to their village.  They rounded up all the babies and small children who were orphaned or impoverished, and told the families that they would be better cared for in an orphanage.  This little girl was one of these children; they left the older brother behind.  The social workers only wanted the small ones.  In fact, though the birth family knew the child’s exact birthday and that she was five years old, the adoptive family was told she was three.

The children were taken to an orphanage, and without the knowledge of the families, quickly put up for adoption.  The aunt and uncle said that they tried and tried to get in touch with the orphanage or the social workers, but could never find out anything about their niece.  After enough time, they assumed the little girl was dead.  They heard nothing more until the day a few years later when my friend–the adoptive mom–was able to contact them.

Eventually, the adoptive family took their daughter to Ethiopia to meet her biological family.  The family was thrilled that their niece was alive and doing well, and everyone involved is content with the situation.  But the hard reality is that the birth family was never consulted about their niece being adopted, and it might not have even needed to happen.

It’s absolutely sickening that something as beautiful as adoption could be high-jacked by people who just want to make a profit–even at the expense of the world’s most vulnerable children.

I wish it wasn’t true.

I started out by saying how UNICEF had become enemy.  I even mentioned it a few times in posts on this blog.  But I get it now.  I still strongly disagree with some of their philosophies, but I get why they encouraged Tanzania to tighten up on their adoption regulations.  I get why they say that non-citizens should be residents for three years before they can adopt.  Because until Tanzania is ready to implement the Hague convention, the only way they can protect their children is by shutting out international adoption.  



I think back ten years ago, to the time when we went to pick up Grace from her orphanage.  The room was filled with beautiful, healthy babies, yet Grace was the only one who was eligible for adoption.  The rest had locatable family members, and the hope was that someday they would be reunited.  However, I wonder what would have happened to those babies if money was infused into the adoption system, but with no regulation?  If the orphanage suddenly found itself receiving mandatory “donations” for every child adopted?  If the lawyers found themselves with regular, lucrative work, and the social workers were benefiting under the table?  Assuming history would repeat itself in Tanzania, then all of a sudden those “unadoptable” babies would lose their paperwork.  The motivation to reunite families would be gone.  And when those babies were “used up,” more would be found.  After all, there’s got to be a supply to fill the demand.  And that’s why I’m fighting against this in Tanzania.




I’ve always been a proponent of domestic adoption in Africa.  I always thought that it could exist side-by-side with international adoption.  But now I understand that domestic adoption–that mindset, those values, must be in place first, before international adoption can take place.   I pray often that our family sets an example for Tanzanian families that adoption is good and beautiful and possible.  We talk about it in our pastoral training program.  In fact, we currently know two Tanzanian couples who are pursuing adoption right now because of what they saw in our family.  To God be the glory.  I pray that there will be more.  There needs to be more.

So where do we go from here?

This series has gotten more traffic than anything I’ve ever written on my blog.  Yet I must admit that even though I’m glad the word is getting out, I’m not super excited about it.  I lost a lot of sleep this week.  I hate that I felt compelled to write about this.  I hate that it’s even true.  I hate that it’s going to turn off a lot of people towards considering adoption.  I hate that it will make people look suspiciously at the adopted children they know.  I hate that these posts throw a bucket of sludge onto something that should be good and beautiful.

So here is my final plea:

First, we remember that God redeems.  Children are left as orphans, and adoption redeems them.  We screw up adoption, and God can redeem that too.  Please don’t use this series as a reason to never consider international adoption.  Please don’t use this series as a reason to question the motives of the adoptive parents you might know.

But let’s work harder not to screw it up in the first place.  I’ve always been an advocate for adoption, but I’ve also been an advocate for poverty alleviation that helps and doesn’t hurt.  Before this journey, I never thought about the connection between those two passions.  Now I get it.

I wish it was simple.  Adoption should be, shouldn’t it?  You want to help a child; there’s a child who needs your help.  Why should that be so complicated?  We must remember that even in the best intentions, sin is there.  Even in the purest form of worship, the highest form of service, sin is there.  Any endeavor on this side of heaven is tainted by sin.  And any time we forget that, we give opportunity for that sin to fester and grow.

In everything, we must be on our guard.

Love the orphan….but love her family first.

Love adoption….but only when there are no other options.

Keep our eyes open.  Listen to the critics.

Trust in God’s sovereignty….but refuse to knowingly participate in evil.

Part 6: What About the Children Who Really Do Need Adoption?

By

On March 14, 2016

In Adoption

Start here:  

Part 1:  The Evidence

Part 2:  Where Did We Go Wrong?

Part 3:  The Horror That is Called Child Harvesting

Part 4:  Pure Religion is to Look After Orphans (and Widows?)

Part 5:  God Told Me To…Or Maybe He Didn’t

The orphanage director in Tanzania was initially thrilled to receive the email:  “We want to adopt Freddy!”  Freddy is five years old, was abandoned, and has HIV.  He is handsome, friendly, and desperate for a family.  In just a few short weeks, the plan was to transfer him to a long-term orphanage.  This family would most likely be Freddy’s last chance for a real home.

Then the director realized that the adoptive family are not residents of Tanzania; they live in America.  They were working with a U.S. adoption agency who is ignoring Tanzanian residency requirements.  She was devastated.  She had to tell the family, “I’m sorry, you cannot adopt Freddy.  My orphanage, and our local social workers, will not allow American families to break Tanzanian law.”

Do you see the dilemma?  On one hand, there are unscrupulous agencies, who are working with unscrupulous lawyers, who could very well make Freddy’s adoption possible.  He would no longer be an orphan; he would be a son and a brother and have every opportunity at his fingertips.  Or, he could live the rest of his life in an institution where his needs will be met, but not much more.

It’s the kind of ethics that college students debate about but never really have to face.  Do the ends justify the means?  Sure, we want to clean up international adoption.  Sure, we want to end corruption and bribery.  But what about the children?  What about the ones who really do need adoption?  What happens to them?

This is the question you must ask yourself:  Is it worth it for Freddy to be adopted, if it means that hundreds of other children will be subsequently, unnecessarily, separated from their families?  There’s a strong correlation.  Opening the way for Freddy to be adopted by breaking Tanzanian law would pave the road of corruption that leads to the exploitation of hundreds of other families.  And I am confident of this because it has been documented in country…after country…after country.

This is why we simply cannot see international adoption as the answer to the orphan crisis.  It is one of the answers, but only in countries where the process is heavily regulated by a strong central authority.  That means that for kids like Freddy, it’s much better to support, encourage, or even start(!) programs and plans within the country to help orphans, instead of adopting them out.

However, please know that there are plenty of countries which do have regulated adoption programs and enough government infrastructure in place to ensure they will be ethical.  Though this series may come off as anti-international adoption, I assure you I am not.  Please, please…if you have a strong desire to adopt internationally, go for it.  Adoption is good and beautiful–and desperately needed for many children.  Don’t let the pitfalls scare you off.  You just need to arm yourself with plenty of information and keep your eyes wide open.  There are many ways to ensure you have an ethical adoption.  So here’s my advice:

1.   Read this book.  

In Defense of the Fatherless:  Redeeming International Adoption and Orphan Care (by Amanda Bennett and Sara Brinton).  In some ways, this entire series is a summary of this book.  I have read over a dozen books on adoption, covering adoption theology, adoption processes, adoption options.  Not one Christian book has dealt with the hard topic of adoption ethics until this book came out less than a year ago.  This book is excellently researched, tough and truthful, yet compassionate.  It is absolutely a must-read for any Christian considering international adoption, anyone involved in the industry, or anyone advocating for international adoption.

2.  Choose a country before you choose an agency, and choose a country that is implementing the Hague Adoption Convention.  Though this alone will not guarantee an ethical adoption, it will help significantly.  Countries which have signed to the Hague Convention are required to have a program which prioritizes domestic adoption.  They also must have a central authority capable of regulating international adoption, which helps to ensure that a particular child is truly needing adoption.  Keep in mind that if you choose a non-Hague country, you must do far more research on both the country and your agency if you want to ensure the adoption will be ethical.

3.  Do not choose a country based on whichever seems to be the fastest, easiest, and cheapest.  Choose a country based on how well their adoption program is organized, and whether they have a long-standing, effective program.  Do your own research as to the adoption laws of that country.  Find out how the country decides whether a child should be adopted, and how they determine who can adopt that child.  Find out for yourself whether or not you qualify.  Unfortunately, you may not even be able to trust all of the information on the Department of State website, since it is currently not accurate for Tanzania.

4.  This one is my own personal soapbox:  If a country has a residency requirement to adopt a child….then either move to that country or choose a different country!  You follow your own country’s adoption laws….what gives you permission to break another country’s laws?



5.  After you have chosen a country, then look for a trustworthy agency that works in that country.  During the course of this series, some people have asked me for a list of “good” and/or “bad” agencies.  I can’t do that.  It is a spectrum.  In all honesty, at this point I would have a hard time trusting most agencies that work in non-Hague countries–and there are probably hundreds of those agencies.  Most agencies are not evil.  However, many demonstrate ethnocentric principles that I cannot endorse.



Remember, the U.S. government has very few regulations in place to keep adoption agencies accountable.  Therefore, you must be in complete control of your adoption process.  That’s why I encourage you to research and choose a country before you choose an agency.  That will help you to know what is supposed to happen and what questions you need to ask.  You must do your homework before you find an agency you can trust.  Here are some sample questions:

  • How long have you worked in this country? 
  • What is the process to match a child with a family?  Who makes the decisions?  (Should be the decision of a central government authority, not the orphanage or the agency)
  • Who do you work with on the ground?  (Again, should be a central authority, not a local social welfare officer, a lawyer, facilitator, or orphanage director.)
  • Where does the money go, especially in-country?  (You should expect nothing less than a very specific, itemized list of how money is spent.)
  • Does the orphanage require a donation?  (If so, then it’s not a donation, it’s a fee.)  What kind of confidence do you have that the orphanage will use that money in an ethical way?
  • What is your philosophy on family preservation?  (You should receive a confident, well-thought out answer on how the agency works to preserve birth families.)
  • How do you ensure that the child I am placed with is a true orphan with no family prospects?  (Agencies should be wanting to guarantee that you will be given the true background of the child, and they should have safeguards in place to ensure the information is correct.)

More suggested questions for agencies here, from Jen Hatmaker.  

Google the agency’s name along with “corruption” and see if anything comes up.  Pay attention to Facebook groups, blogs, and message boards by other families who have adopted from that country or with that agency.  Do not discount what they have to say.  

5.  Choose a “waiting child.”***

A “waiting child” is one who already has been deemed adoptable, and he is waiting for a family to select him.  When you choose a waiting child, you are helping a child find a family.  In contrast, when you send in a descriptive list of the child you are looking for, then the agency is helping you find a child–instead of helping a child find a family.  See the difference?  Read these quotes:

“While many assume the orphan crisis means there are orphanages full of babies who need to be adopted, this is simply not true.  There is a significant need for international adoption, but there are very few healthy babies and young children waiting in orphanages.” (Defense of the Fatherless) 

“Most adoption demand in the United States continues to be for healthy infants or young children, whereas most of the children who are legitimately parentless or in need of an adoptive home are older, sicker, or more damaged from trauma than most families are willing to take.”  (Kathryn Joyce)

“UNICEF estimates that 88 percent of the world’s orphans are over the age of five…However, 89 percent of children adopted by American families were under the age of five.” (DF)

What this means:  Do not go into international adoption if what you only want is a healthy baby–unless you are willing to wait for years to be matched.  However, if you are willing to bring home an older child or a special needs child–a “waiting child”–then international adoption could be what you are looking for.  Most of the corruption in international adoption has been fueled by the demand for healthy babies.  Yes, there are some legitimately abandoned or orphaned babies available–but not often.  Make sure you fully understand this reality before you decide to adopt.

***Special note on “waiting children.”  Unfortunately, I’ve heard situations where even this concept is abused by adoption agencies.  Sometimes children are posted on websites as “waiting” when they are still living with family and haven’t even been approved for adoption.  Before you choose a waiting child, you must have already gone through all the other precautionary steps.

Continue reading: 

Part 7:  Is There Hope In This Mess That We’ve Made?

Part 5: God Told Me To….Or Maybe He Didn’t

By

On March 11, 2016

In Other

Start here:  

Part 1:  The Evidence

Part 2:  Where Did We Go Wrong?

Part 3:  The Horror That is Called Child Harvesting

Part 4:  Pure Religion is to Look After Orphans (and Widows?)





This post is a particular plea to my Christian brothers and sisters.

On the morning of his fourth birthday, my precocious nephew Natie told his Mom, “I talked to God last night, Mommy.  God told me that I can skip four and go straight to five.”

Of course, we all had a good laugh on that one.

It’s cute when a four-year-old claims that God told him to do something like skip a birthday.  Yet for some reason, when an adult claims that God told him to do something, we don’t question it–no matter the claim.

I met a woman once who claimed that God told her to go to Africa as a missionary.  Unfortunately, God didn’t give the same message to her husband.  So she dumped the husband and moved to Africa anyway.  Uh, really?  God would tell you to do that?

Sometimes Christians buy into the lie that if God tells someone to do something, the argument is closed.  The problem is that the way that God “tells” a person to do such things is usually based on either some sort of feeling or mystical experience, or an out-of-context verse of Scripture.

When many adoptive parents talk about their adoption experience, “God’s call,” “God’s will,” and “God told me to,” comes up again and again.  I can understand this.  I do believe that God put the desire in our hearts to adopt.  Yet that strong desire has to submit itself to God’s revealed will in Scripture.

After the catastrophic earthquake in Haiti, a Christian woman named Laura Silsby and a group of Baptist missionaries tried to smuggle 33 children out of the country without any authorization, purportedly to get them adopted.  She had been warned by multiple people that she did not have the documentation to remove the children from the country, yet she was unfazed.

“[The journalist] d’Adesky later wrote, ‘[Silsby] repeatedly referred to God having called her to rescue the Haitian children.  God had spoken to her.  If God wanted them to succeed, they would.” (Kathryn Joyce)

When Silsby and her group were later arrested by Haitian authorities, they claimed it was spiritual warfare.  After all, they had been on a mission from God.

The authors of In Defense of the Fatherless write, “While we agree that adoption and orphan care involve a spiritual battle, we have also seen a disturbing trend among Christian adoptive families.  Some Christians argue that anything standing in the way of an ‘orphan’ coming home to America is the work of the enemy.  For example, when a child’s case is under review by the US Embassy, some Christian families say that anything that slows down the case is spiritual warfare–rather than the work of government officials who are trying to protect a child from trafficking.”

I have to admit that this issue is personal for me.  As I have been fighting against the illegal international adoptions that have started in Tanzania, I continually read and hear, “But God told me to.”  One agency (who has refused to communicate directly with me) even posted on their website that God will hold in judgment those who are speaking out against these adoptions, and that any prospective parents should ignore us.

Wow.  That hurts.  Here I am, a Christian missionary who has lived in Tanzania for 12 years, has adopted four children domestically, and is reading the same Bible they are….but apparently, I have no idea what I am talking about and God will judge me for it.  A friend of mine who is fighting this battle with me told me that this attitude is one of the reasons she has rejected Christianity.  After all, she is non-religious, and is striving to follow Tanzanian law, yet these self-proclaimed Christians are casually dismissing the law in the name of “God told me to.”

What has happened to the Christian adoption movement, that we have spiritualized it to such a level that it negates all the other commands of Scripture?  How about “Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities” in Romans 13?  Or does that verse only apply to American laws?  How about Proverbs 22:22, “Do not exploit the poor because they are poor and do not crush the needy in court?”  How can justice for the poor include taking a family’s children because of their poverty?

Should our desire to adopt a child supersede the laws of a country?  Does God allow us to decide that we know better for that child than her country’s government?   Are we so concerned for the welfare of a child that we ignore the fact that her family could be exploited in the process?  Are we so fixated on adoption as rescue that we are willing to allow it to overrule God’s direct commands in Scripture?

Of course, it’s absolutely noble to fight for a child who truly needs a family, and to pray that God will change the hearts and minds of those in authority.  Let’s do that wholeheartedly.  But let’s not justify corruption, bribery, and skirting around a country’s laws in the name of “God’s will.”

Continue reading:

Part 6:  What About the Children Who Really Do Need Adoption?

Part 7:  Is There Hope in This Mess We’ve Made?

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