Author: Amy Medina Page 62 of 233

Far More Than I Imagined

2015 was a tough year.

Our ministry was struggling as we tried to recruit students.  Gil hurt his knee and had to stay away from sports for nine months (at the time, we thought it would be forever), which was a huge loss in his life.  Gil spent most of his days in front of a computer, writing curriculum for our training program.  It was a very, very quiet life, completely different from our previously vibrant ministry at Haven of Peace Academy (HOPAC).

And I could not find my place.

For 10 years, Gil and I had served at HOPAC.  I had started out as an elementary school teacher, but when we began our family, I looked for part-time ways to serve.  Yet HOPAC was still my entire life:  My community, my ministry, the place where my children felt most at home.  I assisted Gil in his ministry as chaplain, but my love of education got me involved in a wide variety of other programs, from coordinating after-school activities to strategic planning committees.  For the most part, those were golden years.

My sixth grade class, 2003

We left that ministry in 2013 and I had determined in my heart to move on.  I had deeply loved HOPAC, but I was also passionate about Gil’s new calling into pastoral training.  Our kids would still be attending the school, so I planned to be involved only as a parent.  Since we returned to Tanzania in 2014, I have been a board member and a parent classroom volunteer.  That’s all.  Only stuff that parents would do.

I was surprised by how deeply I grieved the loss of HOPAC in my life.  A big part of that was because I simply couldn’t find a place in our new ministry.  I willingly worked on the administrative and recruiting tasks at hand, and I absolutely adore our partners in this ministry.  Mark and Alyssa are some of our very best friends.

But I was incredibly restless.  The struggles of our ministry multiplied in my heart. (Of course, the difficulties didn’t last forever and the ministry is now thriving.)  But at the time, I wondered if we should even be in Tanzania.  I wondered if I wanted to be here.  Ironically, though he was discouraged at times, Gil never struggled like I did.  He knew his place and his calling, so working through the challenges were not a problem for him.  Knowing that I am a teacher, Alyssa kept trying to convince me to teach in the training program.  But I have never had a desire to theologically train adults.  My heart just wouldn’t be in it.

We brought home Johnny in there, so that was an enormous joy, and took up a lot of my time.  But I knew that I only had another year or so before Johnny would start school.  A new season of life was looming before me, and I had no direction.

I diligently studied Swahili during that time, hoping that would open up more ministry options for me.  But as much as I prayed that God would show me what the next steps would be in my life, there was nothing.

In early 2016–almost exactly a year ago, the thought made its way up into my heart:  Why not go back to HOPAC?  It was a thought I had pushed away for two years, because I had closed the door on that chapter of my life and I figured it was slammed shut.  I thought I was supposed to move on from HOPAC, and I was deliberately doing that.

But I eventually asked myself:  Why am I fighting this so much?  I am a trained elementary school teacher.  Education is what I love.  It’s what I’m good at.  HOPAC is my favorite school in the world, and I am passionate about its mission and vision.  And they need me.

So it was a year ago that I made the decision that in August of 2017, I would go back on staff at HOPAC.  It was amazing how freeing that decision was, how my outlook on life completely changed.   It was still a year and a half away, but the thought of going back to HOPAC made my heart sing.

I figured I would teach elementary school, or maybe middle school English.  There were always needs, so it wouldn’t be hard to find a place for me to teach.  But in September, all my expectations were tipped upside down when the (very loved) elementary school principal announced that her family would be leaving at the end of this school year.

And suddenly, I had all these friends whisper in my ear:  Amy, you need to apply to be principal!  

Of course, I was immediately intimidated by the thought, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it.  I had played with the idea of administration before, but I figured that was still a long ways away.  Yet I remembered all the various times when I was able to have a part in decision-making at HOPAC.  How much I loved interacting with staff and parents.  How thrilled I had been to work on teams that were making the school better.  How much I loved not just teaching, but the broader picture of education.  And how all of those things would be wrapped up in being a principal at HOPAC.

So I applied.  I went through two interviews with five people.  And about a week ago, I was offered the job.

In three weeks, we leave for the States. In August, I will return to Tanzania and become the elementary school principal at HOPAC.  In the meantime, I am cramming every bit of information I can stuff into my brain about this position.

It will be a huge change for me and for my family.  (Though I’ll probably be able to spend more time with my kids than I do now, since we’ll all be at the same place!)  But I am incredibly excited (and occasionally pretty nervous!) at this opportunity.  Honestly, I can’t think of anything I would rather do than this job at this place with these people.  

So when I think back to 2015, when my tears of discouragement would drip over my dinner cooking on the stove, when I wondered if we should even be here, I stand in awe at what God had in store for me.  It is far more than I ever could have imagined.

this year’s HOPAC staff

Read These Books

Recommendations from the last six months of reading:

Passages Through Pakistan: An American Girl’s Journey of Faith by Marilyn Gardner

In her introduction, Marilyn Gardner writes of visiting, as an adult, her childhood home in Pakistan:

“[My traveling companion] looked at me, measuring her words.  ‘A compound like this must have made life as a child in Pakistan at least somewhat bearable,’ she said.



I stood still and stared at her in shock.  Bearable?  Bearable?  I repeated the word to myself.  I said it aloud.  ‘Bearable?  It was more than bearable.  My childhood was extraordinary.'”

In this beautiful memoir, Gardner exquisitely captures the life of a third-culture kid.  She spent her entire childhood in Pakistan, went off to boarding school 800 miles away at age 6, struggled through furloughs in America, battled to find her identity, yet looks back with wonder and awe.  She brings her readers into the sorrow and joy of boarding school; she is deeply honest in her assessment of her younger self; she poignantly expresses the tension of growing up between worlds.  I highly recommend this memoir to anyone who wants to better understand the TCK experience.

*half of the proceeds from this book go to help refugees

Seven Women:  And the Secret of Their Greatness by Eric Metaxas

I had mixed feelings about this one.  I really enjoy biographies (especially by Eric Metaxas), and I appreciated that he chose some well-known, and some lesser-known women for this book.  Like his other books, it was filled with well-researched, fascinating detail.  All the subjects he chose were women of faith; however, while venerating each woman, he failed to grapple with the somewhat convoluted and even disturbing aspects of some of these women’s theology.  Of course, I am interested in reading the biographies of women of all beliefs, but I’m not necessarily going to endorse their theology–yet that’s what it felt like Metaxas was doing.

Most Dangerous:  Daniel Ellsberg and the Secret History of the Vietnam War by Steve Sheinkin

I picked up this book because my education on the Vietnam War pretty much consisted of what I had seen in Forrest Gump.  I’m a college graduate, yet this very important part of America’s history had never been covered in any class.

Wow.  This book had a slow start, but once I got into it, it was riveting.  By telling the story of the man who leaked the truth about the Vietnam war to the American people, Daniel Ellsberg, I learned so much about the Cold War, the four U.S. presidents involved in Vietnam, and the massive lies each of them told the American public.  Of course, the climax was Watergate and Nixon’s resignation.  It was eerie to read a story that parallels so much of what is happening in today’s political world.

Hotel at the Corner of Bitter and Sweet by Jamie Ford

This was my Christmas break novel, and though it wasn’t the best I’ve read, I really enjoyed what it taught me about the Japanese internment during World War II.  A delightful historical fiction novel with some substance.

Saving My Assassin by Virginia Prodan

Though this is not the best-written book, the story itself is astonishing.  This memoir takes place in Romania during the Cold War, and the author describes how she first became a lawyer, then a Christian, and fought for the rights of Christians in the Communist courts.  After unsuccessfully trying to shut her up, the government sent an assassin to her office.  The events which lead up to this event and what happened after it are nothing less than Providential.  Truly an inspiring story.

The Price of Privilege:  How Parental Pressure and Material Advantage Are Creating a Generation of Disconnected and Unhappy Kids by Madeline Levine

This book is a few years old now, but still just as relevant.  The take away?  Your kids need your relationship more than they need your stuff.  They need to develop character more than they need to be the best athlete, student, or musician.  Protecting them from all of life’s hard things doesn’t produce happy kids–it actually does the exact opposite.  An important book for today’s parents.

Please Ask Me the Non-Spiritual Questions

I’m over at A Life Overseas today with a plea for our friends at home….

When we’re on furlough and giving presentations about our
ministry as missionaries, we always end with, “Does anyone have any questions?”

A hand goes up.  And
the question is inevitable. 

“How can we pray for you?” 
Every. Single. Time.

Sometimes someone will ask to know more about our
ministry.  Or a person we are investing
in.  Or maybe, “What has God been
teaching you?”

The questions, almost
always, are spiritual. 


This is not a bad thing. 
Of course, we’re thrilled people want to pray for us.  We are excited if they are excited about our ministry.  But do you know what we long to be asked?

The non-spiritual questions.


Sure, our ministry is extremely important to us.  But that’s only part of the picture of our lives overseas.  We moved to the other side of the world.  We landed in a country that most people only
see on the news.  We had to learn new
ways of shopping, cooking, eating, sleeping, educating, traveling, parenting,
and talking.  It was not easy.  In fact, it was the hardest thing we’ve ever
done. 

We are different people now. And it is bursting out of us.  We might look the same on the outside, but we
are totally different on the inside.  And
you know what?  We long to talk about it with you. 
We desperately want you to be
interested in all of our other life,
not just the spiritual parts. 


My husband and I have been missionaries for 13 years
now.  And I must admit:  The people back home who ask us the
non-spiritual questions are few and far between.  In fact, they are so rare that they stand out
in my memory by name. 

I’m not sure why there are so few people who ask the
non-spiritual questions.  I think that
sometimes, folks just don’t know where to start.  Or maybe they think that they already should
know all those things and they don’t want to look stupid.  Or maybe they just assume that we don’t
really want to talk about such mundane things. 
(After all, we’re super spiritual…right?)

So let me just re-iterate: 
Please, ask us the non-spiritual
questions.
  We missionaries would love to answer them. 

Not sure where to start? 

That’s easy.  Start with what you are interested in.


Read the rest over here at A Life Overseas.


Those Kids…Are They American or Not?

Last night we had a dinner-time discussion on what a Peep is.  I have no idea how this came up.  My kids don’t remember what they are, so I gave them a description because I am feeling the urgency of what they don’t know about America.

Granted, I don’t even like Peeps.  And I am not looking forward to my children consuming them this Easter.  Or, for that matter, any of the various forms of garbage that are disguised as food in America.  But they should at least be able to recognize those marshmallow American Easter icons.

We get on a plane exactly five weeks from today, and we’ll be in California for four months.

It’s been almost three years since we were in America.  My kids were 8, 6, and 5 the last time we were there.  Now they are 11, 9, and 8.  And then there’s Johnny, who at age 5 has no conception of this mystical land we keep talking about.

As the oldest, Grace has the most memories about the States.  She also has an uncanny knack for remembering people and names.  (I think she remembers more people than her Dad does.)  But an 11-year-old is entirely different than an 8-year-old.  This time, she will be experiencing America in an entirely different way.  All of them will.

We have thrust these dual identities on these children, whether they like it or not.  I think I see it more acutely because our children have Tanzanian blood, are being raised in Tanzania, but by American parents.  They’ve learned to say “Good morning” to white people and “Shikamoo” to brown people.  They eat rice and beans multiple times every week, but wouldn’t recognize a box of macaroni and cheese if it hit them in the face.  We insist they use a knife and fork, but the children on the side of the fence eat with their hands.

They saw The Force Awakens and Rogue One on opening day–both times–but they have no idea how amazing it is that they didn’t have to wait in line.  They know Pizza Hut is a special treat, but they think it’s normal to rip up the box to make plates, since the restaurant here doesn’t provide them.  They are used to trying on used Nike sneakers at the local open air market instead of going to Payless.  Oh, and they think sneakers are called trainers.

They watched the last 30 minutes of the World Series and the Super Bowl–delayed, of course.  But Josiah is insanely obsessed with (British) Premier League Soccer, which he insists can only be called Football.  They came home from school asking if Trump is kicking all the black people out of America, because that’s what their friends said.

Lily loves her American Girl doll, but straps her to her back with a kanga, Tanzanian style.  Josiah learned how to dab from….somewhere.  He also learned that flipping bottles is fun.  (Seriously? Of all the ideas America had to export?)  But he doesn’t know what a Peep is.

I am incredibly grateful that my kids have Haven of Peace Academy, because there they have their own culture.  It’s a mixed-up, semi-western, very international melting pot of ideas and cultures and trends.  Most of the children there are confused about their ethnicity and identity, so my children fit right in.  I’m thankful.  But I also worry, because I’ve given these children American passports.  And chances are good that at some point in their lives, they will be living there for a lot longer than just a few months.

The great thing about kids is that they just go with it.  My children have no idea that it’s crazy that they have two passports, that they have already criss-crossed the world a number of times, that international travel is normal for them.  Or even more, they haven’t realized that it’s unusual to grow up as Tanzanian children of American missionaries.

I worry because this time around, they may start to feel that tension.  They are kind of American, but kind of not.  Kind of Tanzanian, but kind of not.  The Third-Culture Kid paradox is even more acute because my children are adopted.  Who are they?  Who will they identify with?  Where will they feel at home?  That struggle looms large before them.  They don’t see it yet, but I do.

I gave them this struggle.  It is my fault.  I have to trust that it was the right decision, that giving them a family will be worth the struggle in the long run.  I chose this life for them, and all I can do is hope and pray that they continue to love it.  That they become bridge-builders, reconcilers, peace-makers.  That they ultimately find their identity as children of God and citizens of Heaven.

Why We Should Care About Black History

Just a few months ago, Grace asked me what I was reading on my Kindle.  It was If You Can Keep Itby Eric Metaxas.  “A book about American history,” I told her.

She replied, “The history of white people in America or the history of black people?”

I was totally taken aback.  “Uhhh….both,” I stammered.  “It’s about about the Founding Fathers.”

But I couldn’t stop thinking about it.  My perceptive daughter was right.  The American history of white people, and the American history of black people are not the same.

I grew up on U.S. history books celebrating my country’s foundations.  Freedom, liberty, justice, equality for all.  A city on a hill.  Using money with my Founding Fathers’ pictures on it.  Seeing their names on bridges and roads and monuments.

And yet…yet…yet….America granted freedom and equality only to some.  For hundreds of years.

While us white folks celebrate the roots of our equality and freedom, our black neighbors and friends look back at an entirely different history.  One of chains and oppression.  For hundreds of years.  In fact, in our “Christian” nation, their oppression was government and church sanctioned up until as recently as 50 years ago.



I’ve followed the rules of good trans-racial parenting and read my kids the books with black children and by black authors, and I’ve taught them African-American history.  I remember the day when Grace said something to me about her “ancestors who were slaves.”

I corrected her, “Oh Honey, you are not African-American; you are just African…with an American passport.  Your ancestors were not slaves.”

There was genuine relief on her face. “PHEW!” she said with typical childhood drama.

And for the first time, I thought about what it must be like to know that your ancestors were slaves.  It was a relief to Grace to know that hers were not….so what about all those who were?  As a white American, I can find a comfortable place in my country’s heritage of freedom and equality.  But what about those who were given no part in that?  Those whose ancestors were put into chains by my ancestors?  Those who often still feel those effects?


I’ve learned that in building a friendship, often the conversation that shifts an acquaintance to a friend is a discussion of each person’s history.  You can go for weeks–years even–of conversations about the present, about kids and weather and politics, and never really know a person.  It’s not until you start asking How do you feel about your childhood?  What were your parents like?  How did you meet your husband? that a friendship really starts going to another level.  To really know a person, history matters.

So when we think about the racial divide in America, why do us white folks want to keep the past in the past?  It’s very possible that many of us may be legitimately non-racist, open to friends and co-workers and neighbors of all races and ethnicities.  But yet we as a society keep hitting against this towering wall between black and white.  Could it partially be because we white folks fail to acknowledge our very different histories?  That our black friends don’t just want to be valued as people, but to be valued as black people?  That they want to contribute to society, contribute to our lives, because their histories have something important to add to our own?

We white Christians wax eloquent about racial reconciliation, and yet the Christian Church remains the most segregated institution in America.  What are we doing wrong?  Could it be that we are neglecting to listen, to learn, from our black brothers and sisters?  Could we be missing out on something remarkable because we are unwilling to ask them, What does the gospel look like to someone with your history?  How has it shaped your theology and your faith?

In his book Black and Reformed, Anthony Carter writes, “If the predominantly white church in America desires to know the reality of a providential relationship with God in the midst of oppression as repeatedly demonstrated with ancient Israel, she need only plumb the depths of the rich spiritual heritage of her darker brothers and sisters.”***



Seems like we’re the ones who are missing out.  And in the meantime, alienating our brothers and sisters in Christ who long to be heard and understood.

It’s Black History month.  Do we pay attention?  Do we acknowledge that many of those who share the same citizenship and neighborhoods as us have a very different history?  And therefore, a very different perspective that we can learn from?  And do we consider how perhaps we need to not just learn about Black History in general, but Black History in the Church?  

Many say America was, and is, a Christian nation.  And though I will readily agree that much of America’s success came from our foundation on Christian principles, would a black Christian agree that America was a Christian nation?  What are we communicating if we insist we are a Christian nation, but neglect to acknowledge that the enslavement and oppression of black people was decidedly un-Christian?  



By adopting four black African children, I am giving them my American citizenship.  Simply because of the color of their skin, someday my children will take on the burden that all African-Americans have shouldered for generations.  I’m hoping, for their sake, that the future of America will look better than it does now.  But more importantly, I hope that they won’t have to look far and wide for a racially integrated church.  I hope that white folks will value their perspective not just because they are American, but because they are black and they are African.  I hope people will seek out my children’s perspective.  I know I’ve already learned so much by being their mom.  I hope the rest of the world wants to learn from them too.

***Anthony Carter’s book is a great place to start increasing your understanding of the Black American Christian perspective.  Black and Reformed:  Seeing God’s Sovereignty in the African-American Christian Experience.

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