We don’t call people fat. It’s not polite.
I recently said those words to my children during a dinner discussion. They came out of my mouth as instinct.
And then I stopped.
Confused.
Because in Africa, it is polite to call someone fat. A compliment, actually. Having curves is attractive. Being too skinny is not.
These type of advertisements are all over Dar. Dr. Mkombozi (and others like him) specialize in the fine art of preventing theft, getting you a girlfriend, and “male power” (not sure I know or want to know what that means).
Apparently he can also make your…er….bottom…look like this:
I know, I know. Just what you’ve always wanted.
But it’s true. Africans like big. If your wife is skinny, she will probably die of malaria.
It’s just oh so lovely when an African friend tells me exuberantly, Look! You’ve gained weight! And I give a strangled Thank You and smile the Fakest Smile Ever.
But I have African daughters with American parents, growing up in between two cultures. How do I navigate this?
For years, it has broken my heart to see our Tanzanian students fret over their body shape, trying to meet a western ideal, when their own culture (and genetics) already thinks they are perfect.
So this is the deal. I’m going to try really hard to not make fat a bad word in this house. Thus, I apologize in advance if my children call you fat someday. Just smile, take it as a compliment, and remember that we are African. I think Africa’s got the better perspective anyway.
Cecilie
I think the West could definitely learn something from the Africans in this perspective!
I remember one time during divided assembly, they has these councils of men for the girls, and woman for the Guys. At one point the question of beauty came up, and the man representing Africa said that in Africa it was best to get a fat wife, because then he wouldn't have to fatten her very much up during the first year of marriage, and all the Westeners were very shocked! 🙂
Carley
This is so true!! Victor gets 'compliments' almost every week at church that he's gaining weight! (I don't know how he could be gaining every. single. week. but…) Thankfully he's not bothered by it at all!
Heather Pelczar
I struggle with this here! My girls love it when ladies are "soft" or "fluffy" or "big" and they have said all of these things aloud to women I know! Lol but I don't want to Ian them to think it is rude or a bad thing. Because if I Ian them to think that it is bad, then I train them to think the thin is good. Or best. A then thin becomes a goal to get and keep. Then I have mreo serious issues then wether or not my girls offended someone by saying aloud that they like the soft roundness do that persons shape.
Amy Medina
so true, Cecilie. 🙂
Carley–well, then, you must be doing a GREAT job as his wife!
Heather…I wish I could figure it out. If we want to take away the stigma of being "fat," how is that possible if we always teach our children that it's practically a bad word? Yet, at the same time, I don't want them to hurt someone's feelings or be rude. such a dilemma as a parent.
Amanda
I agree that the problem in this case is probably mostly with the western perspective. Maybe "healthy" would be a synonym you could encourage–especially with Americans?