I Am Loved By You. It’s Who I Am.

Fear is losing ground to our hope in you.

I had looked forward to last week for a really long time.

Reach Global does their All-Africa conference only once every two years. Except that I didn’t get to go to the last one, because it was in Kenya and Lily didn’t have a passport yet. And the next one was supposed to happen last year, but got postponed because of Ebola.

So I hadn’t been to an All-Africa conference in five years. This time, it was held at a hotel only five minutes away from our house. So our journey was pretty short, even though others came from all over Africa and many more came in from the States.

It’s a filling experience, to be reunified with those from the National Office who care deeply for us and make us feel so supported. It’s wonderful to sing together in English, since I’ve only done that a few times this year. It’s encouraging to be part of an organization with so much wisdom and vision and humility.

I’ve tasted and seen the sweetest of loves

Where my heart becomes free and my shame is undone

But mostly, this week, I just felt small.

Maybe it was because it’s intimidating to be in a room with so much wisdom and experience and languages and churches planted.

Maybe it’s because I’m in the thick of the intensity of molding a three-year-old into our family.

Maybe it was just because I’ve been sick with stomach stuff and sinus stuff and pure exhaustion for the last three weeks.

Whatever may pass and whatever lies before me

Let me be singing when the evening comes

So I just felt small. And inadequate. And wondering what on earth I am doing here.

But the speakers, and the worship leaders, and the prayer team, and my colleagues….over and over again, they reminded me that God is Big.

Unstoppable God, let your glory go on and on

Impossible things in your name they shall be done

So if I feel small, then maybe that’s just a better opportunity for God to be Big. He usually likes to work that way anyway.

You’re a good, good Father

It’s who you are

And I am loved by you

It’s who I am

My identity is not in being a successful missionary, or a member of Reach Global, or as a teacher or even a wife and mother. I am loved by Him. It’s who I am.